My Life

Fat, Ugly, and Single

 

 

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Well, I’m not really ugly, but being fat makes me feel that way. Now before anyone comes for me, yes, I know I just had a baby 3 months ago and it does take a while to drop the pudge, however, I lost all my baby weight and gained some back, and still gaining. Mother eff!!!!

I’ve been single for a number of years (I won’t disclose the number because it’s embarrassing). Many of those years were by choice because I was going through depression, self loathing, and financial hardships. Basically, ya girl was a hot ass mess. Still somewhat am a mess but not like before. Now with my postpartum body, I’m feeling depressed. Is this considered PPD?

Anyway, I currently lack motivation to consistently workout. I’ll go for 3 days and then stop for a week. Then do it again. It’s like a never ending cycle. I want to lose the weight before school starts and it’s doable. I have a whole 5 weeks before school starts and would love to lose 20 lbs. Is that doable? Beats me. I’ve never been on a weight lose journey and stuck to it so who knows?

Being single has its ups and downs. Some days I want someone to go out with and take my son  and be a family. Other days I’m good with just Khai and me. It flip flops. Do I get lonely? No, but I do miss male attention and affection.

I always feel inferior to these women on social media who have the kind of body I want. They’re not necessarily skinny but their bodies are my body goals, just I want my body to be on a bit of a larger scale. Basically I want everything to stay the same but have the tummy of these women. Yes, I know I shouldn’t be comparing myself to these women and that a man will love me the way I am, however, I’m not wanting this for a man. I want it for me. I want to feel good based off of looking good.

I’ve always had body issues and then I evenetually got over them. Now that I have a child, I’m back to those same insecurities and I know this weight is due to growing a mini me, but it’s also due to stress eating. My diet is the other part. Yes, I’m vegan but you can be a fat vegan and unhealthy. I eat all the processed foods that I shouldn’t eat and I don’t cook like I used to. However, I need to get back to doing that before school starts or I’m shit out of luck.

Going back to work and doing all that walking will help shed the weight, but I have to have the diet to match. Starting tomorrow, no soy, severely limited vegan alternatives (less processed and soy free), lots more veggies and fruits, more smoothies, more exercise (yoga especially), and more getting my body right for myself and to be around for Khai.

As for the single part, I used to think that if I looked like these women on social media, I’d no longer be single. But hell majority of the women I want to look like are single. These gorgeous, beautiful women are living their best life and single and they’re all in their early 30s like me (well I’m not actually in my 30s but I will be in October).

Before you say, “Oh you’re still young, take your time, don’t rush,” that’s all cool and I actually agree with you. I’m barely 30 and have a lot of living to do. Why should I let the longing for a relationship overpower what all I want to do? I want to show Khai the world and be an awesome mom and have my dream career. Now granted, yes I know you can do all of that and be in a relationship, but I want it to just be me and Khai for right now.

Will the feeling of wanting to be in a relationship go away? Not likely, but I’m learning to be okay with it. Will I look like those women on social media? Not likely, but I’ll continue working on falling in love with myself and wanting to look like myself. Do I consider myself drop dead gorgeous? On a good day, yes, but most times no. I do believe I’m beautiful in my own way and I know there’s a man who will love me just for that.

Do you have insecurities in your singleness? If so, what are they and how do you plan to overcome them?

Product Reviews, Travel

The Vegan Nom Review


If I tell y’all that the taco I had should be damn illegal and questionable about being vegan. I’ve never had a vegan taco that taste so damn good and was super flavorful.

I am a huge fan of food trucks and I loved the location. There was no long line and they prepare your food fairly quickly. I ordered there Gracie Madre which came highly recommended by the woman who took my order. 


I took the first bite and fell in love. I will definitely be going back before I head back to Houston. 

Product Reviews, Travel

Capital City Bakery Review

This was my first stop when coming into Austin. I have been a loyal follower for quite sometime now on Instagram. This is a cute little bakery located on Ceasar Chavez. I got two cupcakes, the butterscotch chocolate and the pumpkin carrot cake. The lady who took my order was super friendly and helpful. I will definitely go back.

Travel

Review: The WhiteHall Houston (Staycation)

The WhiteHall Houston is located downtown and you really can’t miss it especially the way it is beautifully lit up at night. A friend of mine booked the hotel for the weekend to have a girl’s retreat. We had a cabana party, facials and a passion party.

We stayed in the presidential suite on the 12th floor and the views were indescribable. The front desk staff were so friendly and always had a smile and were willing to help. 


Though I didn’t eat at any of the onsite restaurants, they do have them for your convenience. The location is amazing and it’s so quiet. I guess being high up you can’t hear street traffic. 


The view at night was heavenly. I would definitely go back and stay, especially when I have a significant other.

My Life

My 15 Expectations of 2017

I made a video on my goals for 2017-2019.  So now I want to go year by year and we are going to start with 2017, which begins tomorrow. With 2016 coming to an end, I’ve been reflecting on all of the things that the year has brought me. I got my first apartment and a damn nice one at that and I also became a teacher. Those were two very big steps I took in my adult life; getting my own place and starting a career.

These were things that I have been working on for years and I never thought that they would happen within months of each other. Now that I am settling into things, I do have some expectations of the upcoming year.

  1. To be a bestselling author by the end of the year. I know it’s possible.
  2. Be able to write full time.
  3. Be able to begin the process of building a tiny home.
  4. Connect with my soulmate, fall in love and get pregnant.
  5. I want yoga to become more proficient in my life.
  6. My passport needs some loving so I am definitely all for chances to travel.
  7. Blogging has been a passion the past few years so if that could take off, finally, I’m all for it.
  8. Be a brand ambassador for Black brands that are relevant to me and beneficial.
  9. Collaborative efforts with other like-minded individuals.
  10. Network with other Blackpreneurs such as poets, bloggers, writers and authors.
  11. Move to a more climate friendly place for melanin rich people.
  12. Financial stability is a huge one for me. That was something I began working on in 2015 and so far, I am doing very well with it. I have paid off so much debt in 2016, it’s ridiculous and I have a little way to go before I start working on my student loans.
  13. Save more money for emergencies. I have never been a good saver, but I am also not a huge spender. I spend most of my checks on debt and now that I am coming to a good place with that, I can save more money.
  14. Build friendships and better the ones that I already have.
  15. Lastly, to step out of my comfort zone and go for what I want. I’m specifically talking about my dreams. In order for me to achieve them I have to push myself to do things that make me feel uncomfortable like open mic night at the poetry lounge, telling whoever I am in a relationship with exactly how I feel, be more aggressive with my wants and needs and put forth more effort into things.

These things I want to achieve by the end of 2017 and I have created a checklist and will make a video/post as I accomplish them. I want to keep track and record my accomplishments so I can look back on them and see how far I have come. See you all in the new year.

xoxo, Afro Hippie Vegan, Last day of 2016