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Confessions of a Single Mom #13: I’m Going to Therapy

Saturday was a tough day, a day that made me take the plunge and seek a therapist. On my way to visitation with Khai’s dad, I felt an anxiety attack coming on. I was able to make it through visitation (only lasted 45 minutes), and head home to practice yoga. The one time I really needed Malakhai to sleep so I could at least get 45 minutes in, he did. He slept two hours.

After yoga, I just sat in silence. It was deadly silent. I let my thoughts float away. I drank some ginger tea and ate some grapes, continuing to sit in silence. I felt renewed and my blood pressure started to come down. I felt like me again. It’s that very reason why my mental health needs to be taken care of, as well as my physical health.

I feel like they both go hand in hand. There’s so many ways that mental and physical health support your wellbeing. I’ve gotten back into yoga and I’m sticking with it this time, I have to. Yoga is the only exercise that makes me feel good and can ease whatever feelings I’m feeling that aren’t positive.

I went online through my insurance and found the perfect therapist that can cater to all of my mental health needs. She’s black, my age, has experience, has hours that fit my schedule, and I can afford her.

Have you been to a therapist? Did it help and if so, how? If you haven’t, how do you take care of your mental health?

My Life, Vegan Mommy Things

Daycare

Today my son started daycare. He was supposed tos tart awhile ago, but I wasn’t ready. I never wanted him to go to daycare, but he needs social skills now that he’s getting older. He’s becoming more mobile and talkative (baby talk that is). Luckily, his daycare is owned by a friend of the family (it’s a long story but there’s much history).

My mom drops him off and picks him up since I work late and have to be at work early. I also work clear across town, so her doing that for me helps a ton.

He had a good time and I received a great report. He refused to eat his baby food, only drank the breast milk. He just doesn’t like food which is fine by me. He gets all he needs from me anyway.

Today was only the first day so I’m not exactly sire how to feel just yet. Of course, I was a nervous wreck all day, but he adjusted fairly quickly. Actually, there weren’t any adjustments for him. He took to the daycare owner very well.

How did you feel about your child(ren) attending daycare for the first time? Any tips to combat this “mommy worry?”

All Black Everything

Stigmas Surrounding Black Families

The recent ad by Macy’s really struck a nerve. I already know how “other” people see us (Black people) and I don’t too much care, but to blatantly through it in our face, well that was unsettling.

On television, you see black people in interracial relationships, same sex, or single mother. Rarely do you see a Black family if it’s not an all Black show. Why can’t there be Black families portrayed on White shows? Oh, that’s right: the dynamic of a black family scares White people. Yes, I said it. A Black family with a mother, father, and children is powerful. It shows unity and solidarity. A black man and a black woman together are unstoppable and indivisible. That’s more dangerous than an educated Black man or woman. 

Also, a Black married couple is more likely to procreate, making more Black people. That kills the White supremaciat agenda of population control in the Black community. More married couples means more children, which means more Black people, and we can’t have that now can we? (Sarcasm)

But why is a Black married couple so dangerous? Well when we are single, it seems we are more easily manipulated into thinking that we need a partner of another race, especially Black women. With our men being shot or incarcerated, there is purportedly a shortage of Black men, leaving us to White men. We are made to believe that’s our men are gay, in jail, or dead. 

When it comes to Black men, and this goes back to slavery, White women are a step up. They bring money and opportunities that allegedly Black women can’t. Black women are painted as ghetto, dramatic, uneducated, broke, jobless, and the list goes on, so I’ll digress.

By taking fathers out of the home either by murder or prison, young boys are left with only a mother. This makes it easy for the White agenda to turn them gay. If they have no male figure, they take it upon themselves to maneuver these young boys. Now I’m not saying this is always the case. I’m not saying that at all. You do have Black boys who grow up in twonparent households, but for the sake of this argument, and this ad that doesn’t portray that, I said what I said.

Feel free to debate with me on this topic, but I feel like too many of our people are “missing the mark” when it comes to spending our dollars and raising our children.

My Life, Vegan Mommy Things

Before Work Routine

  1. Wake up @ 4:30 am.
  2. Take a shower.
  3. Brush my teeth.
  4. Get dressed.
  5. Put coconut milk on to boil for my oatmeal.
  6. Pack up everything in my wagon.
  7. Put oatmeal in the pot.
  8. Fill up gallon water bottle.
  9. Pour oatmeal and toppings in a bowl.
  10. Wake up Malakhai.
  11. Change his diaper.
  12. Lotion him up.
  13. Nurse him.
  14. Bundle him up (weather is crazy cold right now)
  15. Strap him to me in his carrier.
  16. Turn alarm off and then back on.
  17. Load the car. 
  18. Head to my mom’s house to drop off Malakhai. 
  19. Head to work.
  20. Pump before school starts.
My Life, Vegan Mommy Things

Dating as a Single Mom and Dirty 30

With my 30th birthday expeditiously approaching (it’s in 6 days), I’ve been thinking about being a single mother and dating. I’m not opposed to dating, I just am loving the space I’m in at this moment. But when it comes to dating, here are a few things I need the potential suitor to know:

1. Can’t have me without my son. Period. We go together like peanut butter and jelly, macaroni and cheese, beans and rice, guacamole and tortilla chips, Mickey and Minnie. Catch my drift? There’s no me without him. You want to be with me, he comes with it. A combo meal.

2. Malakhai will always come first, no matter the situation. He is my number one and only priority at the moment. Should we get married, he’d still be number one, but you would then be a priority as well. I will always, first and foremost, be a mother, above all else.

3. I’m pushing 30 (again, in 6 freaking days, damn I’m old), so all the games and FWB and childish shit can miss me. I’m looking to get married, not waste time. What kind of mother would I be to just be hanging out with a man with no intentions of marrying him?

4. My son doesn’t need a father, he already has one. To whomever I shall date, you need to be a role model, a friend, someone my son can talk to. Stepdads play an important role in a child’s life and I was blessed to have two that loved me dearly. Granted my biological father was nowhere in sight, these two men stepped in and did what he should’ve done. Now when it comes to my son, he needs someone to look up to who can teach him things that not I nor his father can.

5. I pay a good $2000+ in bills per month, so “wyd” texts won’t cut it. I’m not looking for handouts or anyone to pay my bills, but I pay too much per month to be entertaining someone who can’t tell me to get dressed because we’re going out just because. Woe me. Date me. Show me that I’m not sitting at the table alone.

6. I’m an upfront kind of person and I don’t like to beat around the bush. I would expect to be treated the same. From the jump, tell me what you’re intentions are with me. I don’t believe in leading someone on until you get what you want and then leaving. If sex is what you’re looking for, I’m not the one. Like I said before, I don’t need friends. I have all the friends I need.

7. I made a vow that after I had my son, shop would be closed, meaning, no sex, and it’s not up for discussion. I’ve made this vow numerous times even before sleeping with my son’s father. I’m scared to get pregnant again in a noncommittef relationship. Also, should we eventually get to the point of thinking about sex, a full STD check with be required. I know someone who has been an inspiration to me, just let it be known that she has HIV. I’m not playing with my life. So I’m short, sex is off the table.

8. When I’m not being a homebody, I like going to low key places like the park, library, museum, cafes, black owned businesses, vegan restaurants, and just places with an intimate setting. Now of course as Malakhai gets older, children friendly places will be required. I don’t want to meet you at a bar (I don’t drink) or go to the club or lounge. I need you to understand I’m an introvert and I don’t like being around a bunch of people with varying energies.

9. Our families must like each other and they must like us. Family is important to me and it’s important that who I’m dating gets along with my family and vice versa.

10. I’m not dead set on if I want more kids, but doesn’t mean I’m opposed to it either. I feel like my son is enough for me and idk if I want to be pregnant again. It’s not that my pregnancy was hard or the birth, I just don’t think more kids are in the cards right now, but you never know.

11. Ambition and creativity go a long way. I am a content creator both in social media and my blog. My blog is like my second child who I often neglect (don’t call CPS on me). I want us to be able to share passions. I think two creative people can come together and make something magical.

12. Family outings are a must. When dating, it can’t just always be us. Now it will for a while before I’m ready for you to meet my son, but once he’s in the picture, most dates need to be all of us. I hate being away from him and he hates being away from me.

These are just the basics and of course there’s more, but what I need to men to see is that when dating a single mother, you have to be on your P’s and Q’s. We already have a lot going on keeping a child’s love boy ourselves, we don’t need the added stress.

As a single mother, what are some of y’alls dating rules?

Boss Lady

Boss Lady: Debra Johnson

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I met Debra through Instagram about a year or so ago, and we finally met in person this year at the 2018 Houston Vegfest. Let’s get into this interview.
First, tell me a little bit about you and what it is you do.
Hello, My name is Debra and I’m a licensed attorney and a freelance writer and blogger. 
What inspired you to want to get into law?
I was initially inspired to go into the legal field because I wanted to understand how the law worked. I would watch political shows and I was active in my community, and I wanted to understand things better for myself. I didn’t know exactly what area I wanted to practice, but I knew that I wanted to make a difference in education, since I was a teacher before law school. 
What kind of attorney are you? Why did you choose that?
I’m an Assistant General Counsel, which means that I advise companies on internal issues. My focus is employment law. For the first 7 years of my legal career, I actually worked for a public school district, primarily working on Human Resources issues and policies. I enjoyed it because I wanted to make a difference in education. Over time, I developed an interest in working specifically on employment and HR issues instead of School Law, so I transitioned into my current position. 
Do you plan to open your own firm?
I did own my own firm for a while, and I did not enjoy it. I ran my firm while working my full time job, but I had a physical location and everything. There is a lot of liability and overhead with running a firm, and I didn’t feel fulfilled from that work. I find my freelance writing business to be much more satisfying, and it’s also more profitable with less liability. 
As a fellow blogger, tell me a little about what you blog about and why.
I currently blog about ways that people can overcome adversity and achieve their goals. I consider my blog to be a personal blog because I share a lot of my own story. I recently revamped it, and I plan to share a lot of what I’ve learned and how I’ve achieved my goals over the years. 
You’re a single mother like myself. What is it that you want to teach your son with all that you’re doing?
I want to teach my son to be a good person, to help others, and that he can do anything that he puts his mind to. He is a very creative and artistic person, and I encourage him to pursue his passion for the arts. 
Has it ever been or does it ever get tough being a single mom?
Yes, being a parent is tough. Being a single parent is tough mainly because of the stigma that society places on single mothers. But, it’s also tough because the financial, physical, and emotional obligations of parenting are primarily on me. I am blessed to have support from my family, but ultimately the parenting responsibility falls on me. 
 
In the last year or so, I sought out a parent support group and that has helped both me and my son a lot. We also go to family counseling now. I would tell single mothers to find a support group, and to seek family and individual counseling even before you think that you need it. 
What is your ultimate goal whether it be with your career or your blog, or both?
My ultimate goal is to write and blog full-time. I want to be financially free and have the luxury of location independence, so that I can travel the world once my son is older. 
What inspired you to become a writer and do you plan to ever write a book or solely keep your writing for your blog and legal work?
I always wanted to be a writer from the time that I was a young girl. I was an avid book reader, and I wrote a lot; I also majored in English in college. Before law school, I was an English teacher also. I do plan to write several self-help and motivational books in the near future. It was hard for me to write about my story for a long time, but going to counseling has helped me learn how to open up more. 
Where can people find you?


My blog is debrajohnson.com, and I’m active on Instagram @bydebrajohnson. I would love to start making videos on YouTube again. If your audience has any ideas for videos, send them my way! My YouTube channel is youtube.com/debrajohnson

Boss Lady

Boss Lady: Amber Richbook from For the Love of Millennials Podcast and A. Richbook Coaching

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I met Amber through Instagram and I’m not sure who followed who first, but she’s such an inspiration. She’s dedicated to her girls and also empowering millennials. She has just this vibrant spirit about her that’s hard to come by. If you need inspiration, she’s the one to follow.

Let’s start by you telling me a little about yourself. Where you’re from, what you do, just whatever you want to share?

I am a single mother of three currently residing in Durham, NC.  I have a Bachelors of Business Administration in Accounting and one in management.  Fun Fact: I am a licensed cosmetologist in three states.  I host the podcast For The Love of Millennials, a podcast created to empower and uplift the melanin millennial. 

I learned that no matter what job position I am in, I find myself making connections to the people that I meet and learning about them in the unconscious effort to inspire and empower them to be the best of themselves.  

My favorite past times include writing poetry and searching for amazing vacation spots.

Now I know you have a podcast, For the Love of Millennials. Tell me a little about how you started with that. (Came up with the name, what made you decide to do a podcast as opposed to YouTube, what it’s about and what do you want people to get from it.)

For the LOVE of Millennials Podcast.  is a platform created to inspire, empower, and uplift  melanin-enriched millennials to be the best of themselves. There are many podcasts that are published and have audiences that are targeted to the melanin enriched millennial.  Many discuss what’s popular today.  What sets this podcast aside from other millennial podcasts? While the podcast may discuss topics and events that are current, we aim to provide  information that has a long term benefit.  So if a listener tunes in months from the episode, they can still find value in the episode. 

For the LOVE of Millennials Podcast will not have a limited scope as to music/politics/fashion-beauty/or simply gender related topics, each topic, carefully chosen to provide value to listeners, will thrive with the intention to fulfill the podcast’s purpose to empower melanin-enriched millennials to live their best lives. For specific episodes that will feature a guest, it is important to me to have melanin-enriched millennial expert(s) as a guest(s).

For the LOVE of Millennials Podcast. supports and encourages the well-rounded development of melanin-enriched millennials in addition to inspiring and empowering US to live our best lives, whether as professionals (intrapreneurs) or entrepreneurs.  Who are millennials? There isn’t a clear timeline for the rise and end of millennial era, however most sources identify millennials as persons born in the early 1980s to the mid 1990s [approx ages 23 to 36].

I decided to do a podcast because I wanted the audience to be able to tune in whenever and whereever and not be so much distracted by the visuals.  However, at some point the podcast will introduce video. 

The name? For the Love of Millennials was a name I had for over a year. I wanted to have a YouTube with interviews to focus on regular degular successful millennials of color because there was starting to be a gap of  ‘successful”—I use quotations because success is different for everyone—people of color, from age groups to even careers/professions.  You can be successful as a technician just like you can be successful in music, or you can be successful in the arts just like someone can be successful in a professional sport.  I just wanted to reach the US that needed to hear some empathetic empowering conversation.  

You are now a single mom of three beautiful girls. How are you managing single motherhood on top of everything else you’re doing?

LOADED QUESTION. Lol. First and foremost as a solo parent you realize and understand that the well-being, welfare and security of your children rests in your lap.  SUCH a HUGE responsibility.  I remind myself daily that they chose me to be their mother, hence I say, “I get to” instead of “I have to.”  Being a mother is a choice in all actuality.  I get to be their mother doesn’t mean I don’t make mistakes, but what it does mean is I am owning every aspect of parenting.  

I keep a schedule in addition to keeping myself and my children in a routine.  It provides the structure and balance that we all need.  It’s not rigid as it provides flexibility for us to do other things.  One thing that’s certain is their 8:00PM bedtime.  No matter what by 8:00 they are ready for bed. And then they wake up between 6:30AM and 8:30AM it all depends.  

I make sure to schedule my life via my calendar on my phone and using the reminders.  I’m working on implementing a consistent self care routine because I do realize that’s so important.  BUT I PLAN PLAN PLAN. If my plan gets thrown off I go with it and PLAN again. 

What do you want to teach your girls or what do you want them to learn from what you’re doing?

I want my girls to understand endurance through adversity is necessary for the journey.  To understand that failure is needed to appreciate success.  To see the I’m Possible when the world says “impossible”.  To know the sun is shining, on a cloudy day and even while the night falls.  I want my daughters to learn through my actions that they are enough, whole, balanced and filled with everything they need to accomplish their wildest dreams.  I allow them to explore their creativity, their ideas and encourage the imagination.  I teach them to understand culture and diversity and to love themselves as they are magical.  All in all, I teach them that they are valuable and loved.  As a person of value people have the responsibility to treat us well just as we have the responsibility to treat others well.  

What projects, if any, are you working on now? (If you want to disclose any)

As of right now I am working on curating  spaces for healing and growth conversation.  Something like a group coaching experience.  In addition to sharing my story with others via speaking, For the Love of Millennials Podcast and my A.RichBook/aRichLife Coaching is my primary focus.    

What else do you do aside from the podcast and being a mom?

Aside from the podcast and being a mom,  I provide one-to-one and group empowerment coaching.  I find that I attract the fulfillment of my purpose on a daily basis.  

What is your ultimate goal as far as the podcast and your other projects? 

My ultimate goal for the podcast and any project that I associate with is that it empowers and inspires those targeted to receive the project’s message, and brings about change and transformation.  I want to see more people win, grow and blossom.  

Where can people find you?

People can connect with me on instagram @A.RichBook

Or visit my site arichbook.com

Boss Lady

Boss Lady: Kim Williams of Single Black Motherhood

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Welcome Kim and thanks for doing this interview. First , please tell the readers a little bit about you.
I am the mother to a beautiful five-year-old girl named McKinley Grace, currently residing in Houston, Texas. I am a Credentialing Specialist by day and a podcaster/blogger by night. I love reading and traveling and I wish I could do more of both! I started the Single Black Motherhood platform in January (2018) in hopes of connecting single black moms around the world who may have been in similar situations as myself, such as relocating, feeling isolated, and not really having a support system, (just) to name a few.
What inspired you to do a podcast about single black motherhood?
I had been listening to single mom podcasts by Caucasian women. I couldn’t always relate and I felt like they weren’t addressing all issues, so I felt there was a need for single moms of color to have a space in the podcast world. I didn’t know there were already single black moms that were podcasting because they didn’t have “single mom” in the title.
Why a podcast and not a blog or YT channel?
I actually started the podcast and I had a few blog posts up on the site at the same time. I chose not to do a YT channel because I like the idea of me sitting at my computer and not having to put clothes on or edit long videos. It seemed like audio would be better for moms like me who are always busy and on-the-go. They could easily play the podcast and pause it when needed, without having to watch a video.
What’s your ultimate goal with the podcast?
To create a community for single black moms and change the negative image worldwide. If I could become a full-time podcaster, that would be awesome, but that is not a goal of mine at this moment.
I know you work full time. Tell us a little about what you do.
I work in the field of Healthcare Credentialing. At this point in my life, I am not sure that I would want to do Credentialing for the rest of my life. I enjoy what I do but I want to do something that has more of a direct impact on the lives of others. I haven’t figured that out yet, but I would like to speak to single moms around the world in the future.
Why are you such a huge advocate for single black mothers?
I am a huge advocate for single black mothers because I am currently a single black mother and I know how hard the journey has been and can be. I don’t want mothers to feel alone and that they are just another statistic. I believe that it’s also important to let the world know that we are more than government assistance seeking women and we are actually great contributors to society just like anyone else.
What do you want other single moms to takeaway?
I want other single moms to gain a sense of awareness and become educated, empowered, and inspired. This allows them to take the information and tips and implement it into their lives making them better moms, not only for themselves, but also for their children.
Where can people find you?
I can be found on Instagram & Facebook @singleblackmotherhood and my site singleblackmotherhood.com
Breastfeeding

Breastfeeding Series: Too Good for Formula

So I am leaving my family reunion and I really don’t know what it is with the older generations and that damn formula. This is a conversation between me and a family member.
FM: *gives me some clothes for my son* I know they’re big but once he gets on formula, he’ll blow up and get into them.
Me: *gives her the look and y’all know the look, like how the hell you figure he hon be on formula? look* Oh he won’t be on formula.
FM: Whaaaaaatttttt? (The long drawn out “what”). What you mean he ain’t gonna be on formula.
Me: he’s breastfed, he doesn’t need formula.
Cousin: *walks away with a disgusted look on her face*

Then this happened when another family member came to us at the table and my mom was holding him.
FM: y’all doing all that holding and you nursing him, he won’t be able to stay with anybody.
Mama: that’s why I’m the babysitter.
FM: yeah but he won’t be able to go to anybody.
Mama: he don’t need to go to anybody anyway.

Let me tell y’all, when it comes to my mama and her grand baby and me nursing him, she does not play. Idk what it is with the older generation thinking all babies need to be on formula and breastfeeding ain’t enough. My son’s pediatrician is impressed that he’s surpassing all milestones as far as his weight and size, just from breast milk.

One thing I know for sure is that children who aren’t held or cuddled as babies, tend to grow up with emotional issues and a disconnect emotionally and physically from others. I’ve seen this too often.

Mad my child is only 2 months old and cannot walk or crawl, what is he supposed to do if I’m not holding him? And just because I nurse him, doesn’t mean he won’t go to anybody else. Like his mother, he is choosy with who he wants to be around. Babies know. They can sense BS and ill intentions.

So what if my son only wants me. I’m his mother, why wouldn’t he? And I’m not the “cry it out” type. That kind of emotional deprivation is detrimental to a child’s emotional growth. That makes them feel unwanted and alone.

What are your thoughts on older generations and them imposing their thoughts on your parenting skills?

confessions

Confessions of a Single Mom #9: Co-sleeping

I know from the moment I found out I was pregnant that I was going to co-sleep, no if’s, ands, or but’s about it. Due to the fact that I knew I was going to breastfeed, it only made sense.

After Boo was first born, we stayed with my mom. He did sleep in his bed that she has at her house in the beginning, however, when he stopped wanting to be swaddled, I knew that sleeping in his bed was over. My mom really pressed the fact of him sleeping in his own bed. The thing is, parenting styles have changed since I was born (30 years ago) and many Millennial moms co-sleep just like many breastfeed. It’s funny how my generation, in many ways, is reverting back to a time when my parenting style was natural.

Co-sleeping, just like breastfeeding, is a taboo subject. Many people, mainly the older generation, don’t agree with it because it causes the baby to be spoiled, attached, not wanting to go with anyone, not wanting to sleep in a baby bed, etc., which is all not true. Boo is friendly and will go to anyone. He sleeps whenever and wherever. As for the attachment part, he is very attached to me, when I am around. If he can’t smell me nearby, he’s fine.

Much if what the older generation believes is due to what their moms told them, and what their moms moms told them. It’s really just a way of controlling how a woman raises her kids and getting her to do what the woman’s mom did. Many older women feel, in my experience, slighted because of the bond is younger women have with our children due to breastfeeding, baby wearing and co-sleeping.

It’s always said that it’ll be hard to get the baby out of my bed when he gets older and I personally don’t care. He’s my baby and he can sleep with me as long as he wants. As his mother, I know what’s best for the both of us and co-sleeping is it. I love having him near me and he loves being near me. I can check to see if he’s breathing (oh how he hates being touched when he’s sleeping), and when he’s hungry, I can roll him over, pop my boob in his mouth, and when he’s done, roll him back over (he’s a tummy sleeper and burps on his own).

Co-sleeping along with breastfeeding creates this close bond between a child and their mother. The closeness is as close as they’ll get to when the child was in the womb. Many days I miss him being in my womb where he was safe and I could take him everywhere (I still can take him everywhere now but I have to carry/wear him).

Do/did you co-sleep? If so, for how long? If not, what was your reasoning?

confessions

Confessions of a Single Mom #8: Single Mom Friends

*Disclaimer: This post is to piggy back off of Confession #4.

I can’t stress how important it is is to have single mom friends as a single mom. I used to trip off having single friends because most of my friends are either married or in a relationship, and then there were those who had kids, so we couldn’t really relate in life. It’s funny that I’m having an easier time finding single mom friends than I did finding single friends. Strange, right?

As a single mom, hanging around married moms or moms who are in relationships is not conducive to a relationship because they don’t know your struggle. Their kids have both of their parents in the same household, they aren’t searching for a man to potentially be a stepfather, they don’t have to deal with their child’s father’s girlfriend or wife, unless they were once together and now they are with other people, they have in-house help, they are a two-income household (majority anyway). They don’t have to go through what us single moms do so how can we relate other than both being moms?

I have a group of single mom friends and I’m thankful for them. We don’t get to hangout all the time but when we do, it’s so much fun. Having play dates and chatting it up about motherhood, our kids’s father’s, dating, sex, you name it, is relaxing and makes me feel sane. Sometimes I need adult interaction. Don’t get me wrong, I love talking to my baby, but he doesn’t understand a word I’m saying and vice versa.

Not having single mom friends can make single motherhood stressful and seriously boring and lonely. If you’re in Houston, well technically anywhere, follow @singleblackmotherhood on Instagram and join the Facebook group. I will be posting an interview with the founder, Kim Williams during my Boss Lady series.

confessions

Confessions of a Single Mom #7: I Could Never Love Another

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More so I don’t want to love another. As much as I love my son, I don’t think I could ever love another child like a love him and I don’t want to. He is my entire heart and my entire world. Honestly, having another child is just out of the question and I know women have multiple children all the time. But I always wonder if moms who have multiple children, love them all the same. I’ve heard some moms favor a certain child over the other(s), and I don’t want to end up doing that. I feel like I would love Malakhai more since he’s my first born.

So I’m wondering, for the mamas reading this who have multiple children, did you find yourself loving or favoring one child over the other(s)? If not, is your love the same for all of them?

For moms of only one child, can you see yourself being able to love another child like that one? Do you plan to have more children?

confessions, Vegan Mommy Things

Confessions of a Single Mom #2: Home, Sweet Home and Closing the Door

Yesterday Boo and I finally went home from my parents’ house. We had been staying with them for the past 7 weeks. We had adjusted to him being out of the womb and I was getting used to my parents helping out and watching him while I sleep, as well as doing a bunch of other things for me.

Scared was not even the word to describe how I felt about leaving my parents’ house and doing this on my own. Granted they live literally 3 miles away, they are currently out of town. My son’s father helped me to move all of our stuff back into my apartment. He then left right after for an emergency. I was left alone with Boo. That’s when the crying began. He would not let me put him down so I could begin unpacking. At one point I left him in the room and closed the door. I felt a panic attack coming on. Then all of a sudden, the crying stopped, so did my heart. I went back in and he a was laying there with a string of snot coming out of his nose. He looked up at me and my heart broke.

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I picked him up, wiped his nose and cuddled in the bed. I nursed him and he fell asleep. As soon as I got out of the bed, the crying started again. I put him in his vibrating chair and let him watch cartoons on YouTube. I cleaned up a bit until my mom came. She stayed for a little while and he was completely calm. After she left, he cried on and off for the next five hours.

Around 10:30, I called my mom. I put her on speaker so he could hear her voice.  He was calm again. After we got off the phone, I nursed him and he went to sleep. He slept the entire night until I woke him up at 5 to change his diaper and to nurse. He quickly went back to sleep.

I still feel bad about leaving him in the room to cry. I feel like a terrible parent for doing that.

If there are any tips or trick to soothe a crying baby that is not hungry, wet, or sick, please leave them in the comment section. Being a single parent living on my own is hard as fuck.

confessions, My Life, Vegan Mommy Things

Confessions of a Single Mom #1: Be Still, Cherish the Moment

There are times when Malakhai just won’t stop crying. Like today. We went to my apartment and it was his first time there. He cried and cried. I was trying to get things done with my blog, apply for jobs, plan new content, eat, and a cohort of other things. I started to think that he hated being there. Every time he would go to sleep, I’d lay him down and he’d throw an entire fit. He has never cried like that before and I was becoming frustrated. I changed him, I fed him, I rocked him, but what he really needed was my full attention and to cuddle with him. See, being at my moms house, we spend a lot of time cuddling and just us time. I haven’t really been trying to work like I did before I had him. Finally, I got undressed, cuddled him in my arms, got under the covers and laid down. He instantly stopped crying and went to sleep. So did I. In that moment, he taught me a valuable lesson. I have plenty of time to work but moments like that will soon go away, so I need to be in the moment, be still and just cherish it. Turn off YT, Netflix and Hulu. Put my phone down. Before I know it, he won’t want to cuddle anymore. So, I’m learning to take advantage of him wanting to be near me, close to me and just being still with me.

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My Life, Vegan Mommy Things

I Don’t See How You Do It

I seem to be getting this statement a lot from my coworkers being that I am 9 months pregnant and still working. To many of them it seems abnormal to still be working this long. Thing is, I am a parent who is single, therefore, there is no one at home to help me with the bills, and seeing as how I don’t get paid while I’m on maternity leave (which I find highly absurd), I have to work up until my due date so that I am not missing a lot of money. Luckily for me, I am a teacher, so I still get my summer pay, I just won’t get paid for the month of May. Also, the first 8 days of my maternity leave are paid PTO days, so in essence, I am not really missing that much, but still.

I always wonder why some women, and men, feel that a woman who works up until she goes into labor is something out of the Twilight Zone. I am healthy and active, and so is my baby. I don’t have a high-risk pregnancy and I have been active my entire pregnancy. I honestly believe that has a lot to do with why I am still able to work. Again, I am also a teacher so it’s not like it’s a lot of strain and I am able to sit, take breaks and have snacks. That makes it much easier, however, I still don’t understand why it was so difficult for my coworkers to be able to stay at work until they were ready to deliver. Then again, most of them had that option because they were married.

I think that staying active during pregnancy allows you to be able to work longer if you don’t have a physically demanding job. Along with staying active, drinking lots of water, getting a plethora of rest, and eating a healthy diet (I am going on 5 years of being vegan), can contribute to preventing things like pre eclampsia, swelling and fatigue. Now I won’t lie, I am tired, but that’s mainly because I am so far in my pregnancy that getting in a comfortable position to sleep has become rather difficult.

Something else that has helped me is not letting myself get stressed over things that are out of my hands. I don’t let the stressors of being a teacher weigh on my like some of my fellow coworkers and teacher friends. I am here to do one job and one job only: teach these kids to write to the best of my ability and to assist them in becoming confident and successful in their academic career. Everything else I tend to push to the side. I don’t have the time nor the energy for workplace drama, which comes with any job no matter, where or what it is.

If you are a mama who was able to stay at work until you went into labor, what are some factors taht you think contributed to that? Also, how did you handle people who constantly said, “I don’t see how you do it”?

Vegan Mommy Things

Single Parent v. Single Parent

Most people have the definition of a single parent misconstrued. If you ask anyone, 9 times out of 10, they will say a single parent is someone who is single and a parent. That is actually not the case. A single parent is a person who is taking care of their child(ren) by themselves, without the help of the other parent.

Most single women who have a child(ren) are single mothers because the father is not around. For example, my mother was a single mother with me because once she and my father divorced, he was not around and found ways to get out of paying child support.

I currently am single and I’m a mother, but I’m not a single mother. My son’s father is involved as of right now (things can always change, but I pray that they don’t). There are even single fathers and I know of some personally: men who have kids and the mother is nowhere in sight, which is awful because how can a woman abandon a child she carried for 10 months?

The abandonment of a child by either parent is detrimental to their mental and emotional growth as they grow older.

All in all, their is a difference between a single parent and someone who is single and also happens to be a parent.