My Life

“Never give up, it’s such a wonderful life…”

Relationships end. That’s just how life goes. I feel like since I’ve turned 30, I’ve developed more of a “fuck it” attitude towards a myriad of things. Whether it be people or things, my tolerance level for “fuck shit” is nonexistent.

My life is amazing right now, and I honestly could not be happier (well, I kind of could but that’s beside the point). My son is healthy and thriving, hitting many milestones early. We’ve been spending every free moment together and there are so many more moments to come. The pumpkin patch last Saturday was absolutely joyous and it was a beautiful day outside.

I’m working on my health and the betterment of my livelihood. I’m not necessarily trying to lose weight, but I am trying to build my immune system and keep my stamina and energy up. My skin is clear and my head is even clearer when it comes to many things.

The relationship between my son’s father and I is getting better. We have actually been having civilized conversations. Are we friends? Of course not, but we are cordial for the sake of our child. That’s all that needs to happen: we have to be able to be a united front when it comes to Malakhai and his well being.

My family is stronger than ever, and I feel like the birth of my son brought us closer. As a single mom, and even as a married or in-a-relationship mom, it truly takes a village to raise children, and my village is built Ford tough (see what I did there? You’ll only get it if you live in Texas).

Work is work. I love teaching wholeheartedly, but I think it’s getting close to time to move elsewhere within the education system. I am working on some things behind the scenes that I am not quite ready to share yet, but I will soon. Sometime next year.

My bills are paid, my son is fed, there’s food in my fridge, we have clothes on our backs, and we are living life. So to those of you, and you know damn well who you are specifically, don’t try to ruin my joy with your bitterness and misery. My life is good, live yours and stay out of mine with your negativity. We are grown now and that childishness, you can miss me with that. It’s true that misery needs and loves company, but I’d rather stay to myself and be joyful and happy.

See, I’ve dealt with negativity from people for so long, from friends to even more so, family, but no longer. I have goals that I am trying to reach and anyone who knows what it’s like to be goal-oriented, knows that negative people will only bring you down and prolong reaching your success. I can see the peak of the mountain, and no one will be an obstacle on my way up. Stay at the bottom if you cannot be a positive rock in my life.

I say all this to say that, not everyone is going to be for you when it comes to your goals and being successful in whatever it is you are doing. Ctrl + Alt + del them with a quickness.

xoxo Moniqua Lashae

My Life, Vegan Mommy Things

Dating as a Single Mom and Dirty 30

With my 30th birthday expeditiously approaching (it’s in 6 days), I’ve been thinking about being a single mother and dating. I’m not opposed to dating, I just am loving the space I’m in at this moment. But when it comes to dating, here are a few things I need the potential suitor to know:

1. Can’t have me without my son. Period. We go together like peanut butter and jelly, macaroni and cheese, beans and rice, guacamole and tortilla chips, Mickey and Minnie. Catch my drift? There’s no me without him. You want to be with me, he comes with it. A combo meal.

2. Malakhai will always come first, no matter the situation. He is my number one and only priority at the moment. Should we get married, he’d still be number one, but you would then be a priority as well. I will always, first and foremost, be a mother, above all else.

3. I’m pushing 30 (again, in 6 freaking days, damn I’m old), so all the games and FWB and childish shit can miss me. I’m looking to get married, not waste time. What kind of mother would I be to just be hanging out with a man with no intentions of marrying him?

4. My son doesn’t need a father, he already has one. To whomever I shall date, you need to be a role model, a friend, someone my son can talk to. Stepdads play an important role in a child’s life and I was blessed to have two that loved me dearly. Granted my biological father was nowhere in sight, these two men stepped in and did what he should’ve done. Now when it comes to my son, he needs someone to look up to who can teach him things that not I nor his father can.

5. I pay a good $2000+ in bills per month, so “wyd” texts won’t cut it. I’m not looking for handouts or anyone to pay my bills, but I pay too much per month to be entertaining someone who can’t tell me to get dressed because we’re going out just because. Woe me. Date me. Show me that I’m not sitting at the table alone.

6. I’m an upfront kind of person and I don’t like to beat around the bush. I would expect to be treated the same. From the jump, tell me what you’re intentions are with me. I don’t believe in leading someone on until you get what you want and then leaving. If sex is what you’re looking for, I’m not the one. Like I said before, I don’t need friends. I have all the friends I need.

7. I made a vow that after I had my son, shop would be closed, meaning, no sex, and it’s not up for discussion. I’ve made this vow numerous times even before sleeping with my son’s father. I’m scared to get pregnant again in a noncommittef relationship. Also, should we eventually get to the point of thinking about sex, a full STD check with be required. I know someone who has been an inspiration to me, just let it be known that she has HIV. I’m not playing with my life. So I’m short, sex is off the table.

8. When I’m not being a homebody, I like going to low key places like the park, library, museum, cafes, black owned businesses, vegan restaurants, and just places with an intimate setting. Now of course as Malakhai gets older, children friendly places will be required. I don’t want to meet you at a bar (I don’t drink) or go to the club or lounge. I need you to understand I’m an introvert and I don’t like being around a bunch of people with varying energies.

9. Our families must like each other and they must like us. Family is important to me and it’s important that who I’m dating gets along with my family and vice versa.

10. I’m not dead set on if I want more kids, but doesn’t mean I’m opposed to it either. I feel like my son is enough for me and idk if I want to be pregnant again. It’s not that my pregnancy was hard or the birth, I just don’t think more kids are in the cards right now, but you never know.

11. Ambition and creativity go a long way. I am a content creator both in social media and my blog. My blog is like my second child who I often neglect (don’t call CPS on me). I want us to be able to share passions. I think two creative people can come together and make something magical.

12. Family outings are a must. When dating, it can’t just always be us. Now it will for a while before I’m ready for you to meet my son, but once he’s in the picture, most dates need to be all of us. I hate being away from him and he hates being away from me.

These are just the basics and of course there’s more, but what I need to men to see is that when dating a single mother, you have to be on your P’s and Q’s. We already have a lot going on keeping a child’s love boy ourselves, we don’t need the added stress.

As a single mother, what are some of y’alls dating rules?

My Life

Fat, Ugly, and Single

 

 

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Well, I’m not really ugly, but being fat makes me feel that way. Now before anyone comes for me, yes, I know I just had a baby 3 months ago and it does take a while to drop the pudge, however, I lost all my baby weight and gained some back, and still gaining. Mother eff!!!!

I’ve been single for a number of years (I won’t disclose the number because it’s embarrassing). Many of those years were by choice because I was going through depression, self loathing, and financial hardships. Basically, ya girl was a hot ass mess. Still somewhat am a mess but not like before. Now with my postpartum body, I’m feeling depressed. Is this considered PPD?

Anyway, I currently lack motivation to consistently workout. I’ll go for 3 days and then stop for a week. Then do it again. It’s like a never ending cycle. I want to lose the weight before school starts and it’s doable. I have a whole 5 weeks before school starts and would love to lose 20 lbs. Is that doable? Beats me. I’ve never been on a weight lose journey and stuck to it so who knows?

Being single has its ups and downs. Some days I want someone to go out with and take my son  and be a family. Other days I’m good with just Khai and me. It flip flops. Do I get lonely? No, but I do miss male attention and affection.

I always feel inferior to these women on social media who have the kind of body I want. They’re not necessarily skinny but their bodies are my body goals, just I want my body to be on a bit of a larger scale. Basically I want everything to stay the same but have the tummy of these women. Yes, I know I shouldn’t be comparing myself to these women and that a man will love me the way I am, however, I’m not wanting this for a man. I want it for me. I want to feel good based off of looking good.

I’ve always had body issues and then I evenetually got over them. Now that I have a child, I’m back to those same insecurities and I know this weight is due to growing a mini me, but it’s also due to stress eating. My diet is the other part. Yes, I’m vegan but you can be a fat vegan and unhealthy. I eat all the processed foods that I shouldn’t eat and I don’t cook like I used to. However, I need to get back to doing that before school starts or I’m shit out of luck.

Going back to work and doing all that walking will help shed the weight, but I have to have the diet to match. Starting tomorrow, no soy, severely limited vegan alternatives (less processed and soy free), lots more veggies and fruits, more smoothies, more exercise (yoga especially), and more getting my body right for myself and to be around for Khai.

As for the single part, I used to think that if I looked like these women on social media, I’d no longer be single. But hell majority of the women I want to look like are single. These gorgeous, beautiful women are living their best life and single and they’re all in their early 30s like me (well I’m not actually in my 30s but I will be in October).

Before you say, “Oh you’re still young, take your time, don’t rush,” that’s all cool and I actually agree with you. I’m barely 30 and have a lot of living to do. Why should I let the longing for a relationship overpower what all I want to do? I want to show Khai the world and be an awesome mom and have my dream career. Now granted, yes I know you can do all of that and be in a relationship, but I want it to just be me and Khai for right now.

Will the feeling of wanting to be in a relationship go away? Not likely, but I’m learning to be okay with it. Will I look like those women on social media? Not likely, but I’ll continue working on falling in love with myself and wanting to look like myself. Do I consider myself drop dead gorgeous? On a good day, yes, but most times no. I do believe I’m beautiful in my own way and I know there’s a man who will love me just for that.

Do you have insecurities in your singleness? If so, what are they and how do you plan to overcome them?

My Life

Online Dating: The Craigslist Killer

He wasn’t really a killer, but he did kill the relationship. I don’t know if many people know but there’s a classified section on Craigslist where you can find someone to date, just like any other dating website right? Wrong. Many of the ads on Craigslist are spam and not real people. I can’t tell you how many times I’ve posted an ad and got fake responses. Luckily, no information is given out. They email you through a Craigslist email that’s basically a bunch of numbers, but it goes directly to your email.

So, I met this guy who I found extremely attractive. He was a little older than me and shorter. Mind you, I was young and dumb at this time. This was back in 2012-2013 I believe. Anyway, I came over his house one night and we talked, had half a glass of wine and ended up having sex. Now let me tell you, he was not well endowed, but he was an expert at G-spots, if you know what I’m saying. Back-to-back mind-blowing orgasms, and those are hard to come by for me. Why is it always the crazy men who have great sex? For the life of me that’s mind-boggling.

So I ended up staying with him for a out a week. He didn’t work because he was receiving disability from the military. About 3 weeks went by and he began to show his true colors. He was manipulative, dominating, fascist, and demeaning. When he got angry, he would belittle me and treat me like a child. He even talked to me like I was one of his kids, who btw were my age (he had kids in high school).

Soon enough, I found out he was married, but separated and had a 2 year old daughter. I called it quits and never spoke to him again. After calling it quits, he blew me phone up for about a week until I blocked him. Lucky for me, he didn’t know where I lived. I also found out he had been homeless the year before.

This was not my first Craigslist dating experience. I’ll talk about the other in another post which will be much longer. I will never look to Craigslist for anything more than a job or to sell or buy something.

My Life

Plenty of Fish, but I’m Vegan

If you missed my post about Tinder, click here. Now I’m not new to dating sites, but I’ve had my fair share of experiences. I’m going to have a short series on the dating sites I’ve been on. You can check back each Friday over the next few weeks. Let’s start with POF, or Plenty of Fish.

The first guy I met on there turned out to be a trainer. Little did I know that he wasn’t looking for someone to date, but seducing women to come to his gym and work out, then pay for a membership. When he first asked me out on a gym date, I was hyped. At that time, I was looking to workout and a guy I could workout with was definitely on my list.

When I got to the gym, it looked like a whole in the wall. It was a legit gym but just not one I’ve ever been in. Definitely a small business. So we talked a little before and then he started me on different machines. I didn’t realize that he was actually telling me what to do and he wasn’t working out. He never once said he was a trainer. He was also short (being the same height as me is what I consider short), but he had killer muscles. His body was banging and not to mention, he was a real looker.

Midway through the workout, I began to feel lightheaded and nauseous. Did I forget to mention we were in an enclosed area with no AC? I excused myself to the restroom and vomited like nobody’s business. I came back out feeling much better and told him what happened. He said that my workout was done because I shouldn’t be throwing up.

We then sat down and talked about relationships and all that jazz. Then, out of nowhere, he begins his sales pitch in getting me to buy a membership. I was appalled but more so surprised at how clever this son of a bitch was. I got my shit and left, wondering how many women fell for that.

The next day he messaged me through the app asking about the membership, as if my up and leaving wasn’t a clue. I never responded.

The second guy I met on there was a Nigerian, and let me just put this out there, I’ve had my fair share of bouts with Nigerian men and it’s safe for me to say that I cannot date them. Here’s why.

I met this guy at a sports bar for a drink. I didn’t get a drink because I had stopped drinking and for it being a first date, I didn’t want to be inhibited. He continuously asked me if I wanted a drink the entire time we were there and I refused. He knocked back several beers.

We had great conversation but it wasn’t until it was time to go when shit got real. He walked me to my car like a gentleman, so I thought. Once we were out of eyesight of anyone, he immediately pressed me up against the car and started kissing me roughly. I pushed him away and asked what the fuck does he think he’s doing. He apologized and blamed the beers. I got in my car and started it. Next thing I know he’s climbing into the passenger’s seat. I jump, pressing my back against the door and he’s climbing over trying to kiss me and undo my pants. I kick him in the gut and scream for him to get out.

If I tell y’all he got out with the quickness, like he was the damn Flash! I put my car in reverse and sped out of there. The next day I received a message through the app of him being so apologetic and saying he never meant to make me feel uncomfortable. Apparently it worked because my dumbass agreed to go to his apartment. Why Moniqua?????

I get there and he immediately offers me a glass of wine. I pass. He then gets pushy saying to drink it so I can relax. Red flag right? I again refuse and sit on the couch. (Don’t judge my life, you don’t know me.) We watch the basketball game and he starts to touch me and kiss on my neck. I push him off and he gets mad, saying he invited me to his house and we should have sex. Mind you I didn’t even notice the condoms on the table.

I told him to fuck off, and not to touch me. This dude had the fucking audacity to say, “I should be able to touch your body since I like you. Your body belongs to me and my body belongs to you.” He says this as he runs his hand up my thigh, me stopping him before he gets to my cookie. I stand up and head towards the door. He follows me all the way to my car. He tries to kiss me and I push him away.

I never responded to any of his messages after that and ended up blocking him. I know you’re probably thinking, “This chick is stupid as hell.” I blame my age at the time. This was maybe 7-8 years ago.

After that, I closed my account. Aside from all the dick picks, these two guys were enough to make me get off the site. That’s what happens with free messaging and cheap ass memberships.

My Life

“…lookin’ like a right swipe on Tinder…”

Yes, I know the title may make you think of Cardi B’a song “Drip”, but this post is actually not about someone looking that good. About a week or so ago, I joined Tinder. I hear so much about it and I wanted to check it out for myself. I have to say I am somewhat not impressed. Let me explain.

For those of you who don’t know, Tinder is an online dating website. Many equate it to a hookup type site. All there is to it is to create an account and then start swiping: left for “no” and right for “yes”. Basically if you’re interested in the person or not. My disappointment in the app is that you can’t filter the kind of matches you get: by distance, race, occupation, age, height, etc., like a usual dating site. You’re basically going off of looks which is not good enough for me.

Many of the men don’t have anything in their bios, so you don’t have anything to go off of personality wise. My assumption is that it’s because it forces you to have to message someone to meet up and get to know them: face-to-face interactions. My other quam is that I only date men of a certain race: my race. It’s just my preference, just like everyone else has their preferences. There aren’t too many black men on there, more specifically black men of a certain age. They’re all in their 20s and your girl will be 30 this year. They say “age ain’t nothing but a number,” but it is when you have a child and need someone who is mature enough and ready for responsibilities. I don’t need someone to play daddy, because Boo has a father, however, I need someone mature enough to be around a child and help out. Men younger than, I guess 30, I don’t see as being mature. You know women mature faster than men.

Also, distance is an issue. Now the app asks for you zip code, but I keep getting matches in other states. I’ve tried long distance before and it’s not my cup of tea.

Now, I have seen some pretty decent, reputable looking men, but again, I don’t know their personality. I guess the next step is to send messages with the ones who equally swiped right on me. I’ll keep you posted.

Financial Advice, My Life

Money in Relationships

A while back, someone I follow on IG made a post about why men don’t take women on dates. Now he had some great points, I will admit, but it also brought up another topic that has been on my mind. In my past relationships, I have always been broke. Relationships can be expensive if it is only one person footing the bills. That person has always been me except for one relationship. I have always gone broke putting gas in a man’s car, putting gas in my car when he didn’t have one or if I ended up driving because he didn’t have gas in the car. I spent money on dates, often times paying for myself. Now I am not saying that a man should be paying for everything, but if we are in a courtship, I feel the man should be the man. I don’t think I should be the breadwinner and the one collecting and paying the bills. That’s just not how I see things. 

I have always made the mistake of not seeing these broke men from a mile a way, or staying in these one-sided relationships, putting myself in even more debt. When will it be my turn to be splurged on? When will I ever hear, “Baby, I got it.”? For me, if a man can’t afford to pay all of my bills, he can’t afford me. I am not saying this to say that I am looking for someone to pay my bills, because I can do that myself, however, universe forbid, if I lost my job, I need and want that security that my King has me, that I don’t have to worry about anything. I think every woman wants that security that her man has her. 

Now this all goes vice verse, I would have my man too, but I am not talking about that right now. In my courtship, relationship, marriage, what have you, I feel like the man should be the one taking care of things financially. This is not to say that I won’t be working and helping out, but I also will be taking care of home, making sure the bills are paid, cooking, cleaning, raising and schooling the kids, etc. 

I know that money should not be the main focus of a relationship, but when two people come together, it needs to be talked about and discussed as far as how things will be paid. Just like sex, money is the one of the leading causes of divorce. People don’t like to talk money especially when it comes to spending it, but it is a necessary conversation. Questions need to be asked like:

Do we combine accounts?

Do we keep separate accounts?

Do we combine and have accounts on the side?

How are we going to pay the bills?

Who pays what bills?

Will we set aside money for trust funds? College? If so, do we open a joint account or one in the children’s names?

Things like that have to be discussed. My point is, if a man is not prepared to talk money in this essence, we can’t have any kind of conversation. I’m talking about if and when it gets that serious that we should be discussing money. I have been in too many relationships where I was expected to do everything monetarily as if I were the man in the relationship and the breadwinner, which often times I was. I made the stupid mistake of staying with these men even though they were causing me to go broke.

I’m not looking for someone to take care of me because I can do that myself and have been. I want someone who can take care of me when I need it most. Someone who will make me allow them to take care of me and let me know it’s okay and that I don’t have to do things alone and for myself all the time.

Please let me know your thoughts in the comments below.

Coming Soon..., Sneak Peeks

Below the Surface

Beauty is in the eye of the beholder,

At least that’s what I’ve heard.

But is it really in the eye of the beholder?

For when we talk about beauty,

Isn’t it the outer appearance that we speak of?

That’s shallower than the morning

Tide of the ocean.

What about under the make up

She has caked on her face?

Under the bundles of weave that weigh

Her head down as if many burdens

Were placed upon it?

What about under the clothes that she

Wears to impress men who don’t notice her,

And women she can’t stand?

What about beneath the skin,

The blood that flows through her veins?

What about underneath her scalp,

The brain that has worked overtime

Through two degrees and a master’s?

What about behind those eyes that have

Seen such dark things that light

may never shine through them again?

What about under her large breasts,

A heart that has been broken many times?

Sneak Peeks

It Ended

When it ended,

I didn’t want it to be over.

I sat in denial,

Thinking that things would

Eventually work out.

I kept holding on to the good

Days that I overlooked the bad

Which were more often than not.

But I didn’t care.

I hated being alone

And was desperate for any

Kind of attention that would

Deter me from my thoughts

That would always consume me.

At the time I didn’t know that

The Creator was saving me from

A man who would have

Brought me to the lowest of lows.

Lifting me up wasn’t his thing,

For chivalry had no place in his being.

The emotional abuse was enough

To leave me scarred worse than

Any amount of physical abuse,

But I still didn’t want him to leave.

Sneak Peeks

Acts of Emotions


I’m not the emotional type,But I wear my heart on my sleeves. There’s no guessing how I feel about you, though I’ll never say it with words. I let my actions speak for themselves because words are just words right? See I act like I’m this strong tough woman but when it comes to you, thinking about you, seeing your name pop up on my phone, I melt inside. Even though you’re not here, you do something to my body that not even the physical touch can compare to.

(Just a snippet of what you’ll see in my upcoming book, The Tangled Mind. Be on the look out.)