Health + Wellness

Open and Fearless

I’ve never been the one to do the whole “words for the year” thing. It just wasn’t me. Still isn’t. I’m all about manifesting this year and I want to manifest openness and fearlessness. I’m going to be open about just about any and everything in order to not close off any opportunities, relationships, career advancements, anything. Nothing is off limits. But in order to be open, I have to be fearless.

Fearfulness causes you to be afraid and closed off to anything new and positive changes. In order to manifest, you have to feel and say what you want with no hesitation, stipulations, or conditions. For me, I have to let the fear of rejection, failure, and not being enough, die. No more living in the past and going off of past experiences. All of that last fear is going to interfere with future endeavors.

What are you manifesting this year, or do you have word(s) of the year that you want to work on?

My Life

10 Things I’m Leaving Behind in 2018

Thinking back on all that 2018 has brought me, good and bad, there are some things that I want to leave behind.

  1. Letting people and there toxicity effect me. Too often do I continue to give people chances whether they be friends or family, and I have to stop that. It doesn’t matter who you are, your toxicity is no longer welcome and is not conducive to my wellbeing.
  2. Anger from past hurt. I’ve been hurt more times than I can count, and I have continued to hang on to it. The problem with that is I believe it effects my thinking, my emotions, and being an effective communicator. When someone upsets me, the first emotion I go to is anger and my reaction comes off that way. What I want to try is breathing before responding. Let the anger have a chance to come and then dissipate.
  3. Thinking that I will always fail in everything I do, that I can’t succeed. This is why I often start something and then quit. If I don’t see immediate results, what’s the point? This pertains to exercising to lose weight, eating habits, novels, my blog, youtube, past jobs, relationships. I tend to never stick with something because I’m always thinking about the little failures, which honestly could be leading up to huge success. Motherhood is the onot thing that I can’t quit, even if I feel like I may fail him at times, it’s not optional.
  4. Negative self thoughts tend to control every move I make, especially when it comes to dealing with men. It’s sad that when a man flirts with me, I don’t see him as flirting because I’m thinking, “Who would want to flirt with me?” I’m sure I’ve passed up potential future husbands over this past year and because of my negative thoughts about myself, they just moved on. I have to do better with how I view myself. Hopefully therapy will work.
  5. Feeling sorry for myself is probably the most detrimental thing to my mental and emotional health. As someone who can’t stand when a person feels sorry for themselves, I have often felt that way and it’s not okay. Why should I pity myself? I have a lot going for myself to just be sitting there wallowing in my own sorrows. Girl, good-fucking-bye. Brush the shit off and keep it moving.
  6. Keeping thoughts and emotions to myself has been so easy, but it’s just building inside me. I am going to quit that bad habit and start opening up to people when they do or say something that they shouldn’t. I too often let things slide but not anymore. I will no longer let others have control over my mental and emotional health.
  7. Laziness comes and goes depending on what the task is. I want to leave this behind because laziness in one area of my life, can trickle over into other areas and being a mom, you really don’t have time to be lazy. I’ve been lazy with my blog, publishing material that really wasn’t thought out or planned. I just posted something just to post it, and this goes for social media too. I’ve had days where I stayed in bed all day and did nothing but watch Malakhai play, when we could’ve been out and about, playing at a park or MyGym. I’ve been too lazy to record, edit and post videos, frequently telling myself I’ll do it the next day, and the next day, and the next day until finally, it doesn’t happen. Laziness, be gone.
  8. I tend to listen to a lot of ratchet music, and when I say a lot, I mean a lot. I especially listen to it in the car on my way to work, which I shouldn’t because I find ratchet music doesn’t put me in the best of moods. I also listen to it with Malakhai in the car and that will no longer happen. I’m leaving all that ratchetness, well most of it, not all, in 2018, and focus more on listening to podcasts in the car. I find that podcasts are extremely helpful. (I’ll be doing a separate post about my favorite podcasts.)
  9. Masturbating has taken a toll on me. When orgasming, you lose pieces of yourself. If you ever notice it’s like this energy washes over you and then disappears. I’ve been celibate from actual sex for 6 months and I want to be completely celibate. So, I’m leaving masturbating behind. If I give too much of myself to myself, what will I give my future husband?
  10. Finally, I’m leaving behind everything else that needs to stay in 2018. There’s so many things that I just want to leave and will be left. This month I’ll be focusing on getting rid of things in my home that no longer has value to me. I feel like holding on to things year after year is just letting the past keep its hold on you. I want to wrangle out of its grasps and move forward with my life.

What are some things you are leaving behind in 2018?

My Life

I’m back!!

The holidays have past, and school has started again. These past couple of weeks have been nice being off from work. I am not one who cares much for holidays, but I do love spending time with my family. December was our first cold winter in a while. With temperatures in the 40s (that’s cold for us southerners). I stayed inside most of the break, which is what I normally do anyway.

I spent a lot of time working in my planner and getting things ready for the new year. I will show details of that at a later date in a YouTube video. I have recently gotten into heavy planning to really get my life together. I have a baby coming soon and I need to be prepared for their arrival. This will also help me to keep myself on track so that nothing changes when the baby gets here.

I also created a vision board (which will also be shown in at a later date in a video) so that I can visually see my goals and keep track as I achieve them. This method holds me accountable. I had a vision board on Pinterest but it just didn’t help because that meant every time I wanted to see it, I would have to log in to my phone. I should have created vision board before now, however, life sometimes gets in the way.

I have created a schedule for blog posts and YouTube videos, as well as planning out how I am going to work my Instagram. I have deleted a lot of photos (I have less than 100 now) and I want to start posting with intention, instead of how I was doing before (just posting to be posting). I want all content that I create across all of my platforms to be intentional and informational for those who watch, read and follow. I consider these to be leisure activities that provoke thought. I want to stay on a schedule and that is why I am intentionally planning with my planner.

Debthas been a burden on me for many years and now that my baby will soon be here, I have to stick to a strict budget in order to pay off debts and give my child the best life possible. I don’t want to struggle. Even though my child’s father is supportive and I have my family, I still need to be able to do things on my own so when my child grows up, they will know that mommy worked her ass off to make sure that they want for nothing. I have a budget planner, a debt thermometer and a snowball calculator to keep me on track and hold me accountable. I have already input my data for all of these tools as well as my projections for savings each month. I will succeed.

The above items are what I have been working on over the past couple of weeks to make sure that I entered 2018 with clear intentions, a set plan, a changed mindset, and a confident attitude.

What are some things you have been working on in order to make sure 2018 is your best year yet?

My Life

3 Things 2017 Taught Me

We are always learning lessons, more so as we get older. This past year has been a whirlwind of learning and life events. Not all have been good, and not all have been bad. I have to say 2017 was a pretty damn good year.

  1. Budgeting. I have been on a strict budget and I have to say, it has paid off, literally. I’ve paid off a good amount of debts this year and it showed me that I can manage my money. I used to be this huge spender, especially when it came to food and clothes. I’ve become more frugal and minimalistic and that has been a money saver. I don’t buy anything that is not an absolute need. If I leave something in the store and the next time I come back and it’s not there, that means I didn’t need it. I always used to confuse my needs and wants ( not really, I just needed everything I wanted lol). Needs are things that you can’t live without and I had to keep that mindset.
  2. Consistency. I think 2017 has been my least consistent year when it comes to my blog, YT channel and novels. I have slacked so much this year and I now realize that that contributes a lot to me falling further and further behind of becoming a full time creator. Had I been as consistent as I know I could’ve and should’ve been, I may be in a different place right now. I let outside distractions deter me from my goal, and now I am paying for it. Could I have been a full time blogger and creator by now? Damn skippy, but I let all of these outside distractions occupy my mental. I remember when I first started my blog how dedicated I was, posting almost everyday. I have now set a schedule to where there are at least 2 new posts a week. I would let the ways of others and how they run their blogs influence my moves, but now, I know that techniques don’t work the same for everyone and don’t fit every situation. I have to run my business the way I see that best fits me and my consumers (that would be you, the person reading this).
  3. Love. Love is not just for another person of the opposite sex. I have learned that love can be for anyone. I fell in love this year and I know in 2018 I will fall deeper in love when my baby is born. I never knew how being pregnant can open your eyes to a different kind of love. Feeling my baby kick is the most beautiful thing and knowing that I am doing everything in my power to make sure my little one comes out healthy, there’s no greater love than that. I always equated love to being something I would feel with a man, not knowing that love is family, children, friends, etc. There is not one definition of love nor one person whom it’s for. Love can be for anyone. Do I still want love from my mate one day? Of course I do. Who doesn’t? But I had to learn that love has no number (person).

What is something, or some things, that 2017 has taught you?

My Life

2016 has been a great year

Around this time last year I did not think that I would be where I’m at in my life now. Last year this time I was:

-living paycheck to paycheck

-had a negative balance

-working as a substitute teacher

-couldn’t pay all my bills

-living at home

-depressed

-unhappy

I was a lot more things but those were the main things. Financially I was so unstable and that was hard for me even with living at home. My mom footed the bill as far as a roof over my head but for everything else, I had to pay all of that. I felt like I was hitting rock bottom. This may not sound like anything serious to anyone else, but it was a serious thing to me.

Things started looking up when I took my contract exam for my teacher certification at the beginning of this year, January 12 to be exact. I passed all parts except one, which apparently was not enough to to get hired as a teacher but whatever. So I retook that section I didn’t pass again a and I passed so I got my probationary certificate. I was so excited about that until I started applying for teaching positions and was being denied from each one. So I pushed that to the back of my mind.

The next thing that happened after that was I paid off a loan with my bank and the IRS. That freed up a great deal of money for me and I became somewhat stable until summer came and I w no longer working as a substitute. Substitute teachers do not get paid in the summer like teachers do. I was working part time as a tour and that was barely enough to eat off of, I had to ask my mom to help me until I could get back on my feet, and I’m not a prideful person but I hate depending on others even if it is my mom. 

June is when things really started looking up. I finally got a yes for a teaching positions to teach second grade and I was ecstatic. I was too happy to finally be able to find a job that I wanted. Not long after that, I moved into my first apartment, in August, a week before school started. 

Once I started working, I became happier and happier because it was what I wanted to do. I love teaching, I love working with kids and just knowing I’m making a difference in the life of a child. With that comes great pay which has helped me a great deal financially. I will have a credit card paid off in February and the other possibly before the school year ends. 

Another thing I’ve been able to do was write a new book and start on another. I’ve had a lot more creativity since I have been able to work doing something I love. I’ve been happier and I think that translates into some of the things I wrote in my book. 

I’ve also been able to reach and impact more people on social media through IG and YouTube. Those are two goals of mine in 2017 – to grow my rolling and reach more people.

With all of that being said, I can only imagine what great things are going to happen in2017. 2016 has been so great to me, and I am thankful for everything that has flourished in my life. With patience, faith and positivity, great things will happen. 

Let me know in the comments what great thing shave happened for you in 2016.