My Life

Holiday Season

So today is Christmas Day and even though I’m not a celebratory person, I still get with family and enjoy their company. This will be the first holiday season for my son and my family is super excited about giving him gifts. I on the other hand, not so much.

We live in 661 sq ft and there’s barely room for us both, so lots of toys and clothes will take us to the rim. Trying to dictate (only word I can think of) on what to get him hasn’t faired well. So, I digressed.

I bought him a few things, which you can see here.

Having these next two weeks off is going to be great because I get to wake up and lay and bed with my mini each and every morning. I also get to spend time with him. I’m also going to be working my side hustle to save up money for a deep cleaning at the dentist and court fees.

How do you celebrate the holidays?

My Life, Vegan Mommy Things

Dating as a Single Mom and Dirty 30

With my 30th birthday expeditiously approaching (it’s in 6 days), I’ve been thinking about being a single mother and dating. I’m not opposed to dating, I just am loving the space I’m in at this moment. But when it comes to dating, here are a few things I need the potential suitor to know:

1. Can’t have me without my son. Period. We go together like peanut butter and jelly, macaroni and cheese, beans and rice, guacamole and tortilla chips, Mickey and Minnie. Catch my drift? There’s no me without him. You want to be with me, he comes with it. A combo meal.

2. Malakhai will always come first, no matter the situation. He is my number one and only priority at the moment. Should we get married, he’d still be number one, but you would then be a priority as well. I will always, first and foremost, be a mother, above all else.

3. I’m pushing 30 (again, in 6 freaking days, damn I’m old), so all the games and FWB and childish shit can miss me. I’m looking to get married, not waste time. What kind of mother would I be to just be hanging out with a man with no intentions of marrying him?

4. My son doesn’t need a father, he already has one. To whomever I shall date, you need to be a role model, a friend, someone my son can talk to. Stepdads play an important role in a child’s life and I was blessed to have two that loved me dearly. Granted my biological father was nowhere in sight, these two men stepped in and did what he should’ve done. Now when it comes to my son, he needs someone to look up to who can teach him things that not I nor his father can.

5. I pay a good $2000+ in bills per month, so “wyd” texts won’t cut it. I’m not looking for handouts or anyone to pay my bills, but I pay too much per month to be entertaining someone who can’t tell me to get dressed because we’re going out just because. Woe me. Date me. Show me that I’m not sitting at the table alone.

6. I’m an upfront kind of person and I don’t like to beat around the bush. I would expect to be treated the same. From the jump, tell me what you’re intentions are with me. I don’t believe in leading someone on until you get what you want and then leaving. If sex is what you’re looking for, I’m not the one. Like I said before, I don’t need friends. I have all the friends I need.

7. I made a vow that after I had my son, shop would be closed, meaning, no sex, and it’s not up for discussion. I’ve made this vow numerous times even before sleeping with my son’s father. I’m scared to get pregnant again in a noncommittef relationship. Also, should we eventually get to the point of thinking about sex, a full STD check with be required. I know someone who has been an inspiration to me, just let it be known that she has HIV. I’m not playing with my life. So I’m short, sex is off the table.

8. When I’m not being a homebody, I like going to low key places like the park, library, museum, cafes, black owned businesses, vegan restaurants, and just places with an intimate setting. Now of course as Malakhai gets older, children friendly places will be required. I don’t want to meet you at a bar (I don’t drink) or go to the club or lounge. I need you to understand I’m an introvert and I don’t like being around a bunch of people with varying energies.

9. Our families must like each other and they must like us. Family is important to me and it’s important that who I’m dating gets along with my family and vice versa.

10. I’m not dead set on if I want more kids, but doesn’t mean I’m opposed to it either. I feel like my son is enough for me and idk if I want to be pregnant again. It’s not that my pregnancy was hard or the birth, I just don’t think more kids are in the cards right now, but you never know.

11. Ambition and creativity go a long way. I am a content creator both in social media and my blog. My blog is like my second child who I often neglect (don’t call CPS on me). I want us to be able to share passions. I think two creative people can come together and make something magical.

12. Family outings are a must. When dating, it can’t just always be us. Now it will for a while before I’m ready for you to meet my son, but once he’s in the picture, most dates need to be all of us. I hate being away from him and he hates being away from me.

These are just the basics and of course there’s more, but what I need to men to see is that when dating a single mother, you have to be on your P’s and Q’s. We already have a lot going on keeping a child’s love boy ourselves, we don’t need the added stress.

As a single mother, what are some of y’alls dating rules?

My Life

Fat, Ugly, and Single

 

 

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Well, I’m not really ugly, but being fat makes me feel that way. Now before anyone comes for me, yes, I know I just had a baby 3 months ago and it does take a while to drop the pudge, however, I lost all my baby weight and gained some back, and still gaining. Mother eff!!!!

I’ve been single for a number of years (I won’t disclose the number because it’s embarrassing). Many of those years were by choice because I was going through depression, self loathing, and financial hardships. Basically, ya girl was a hot ass mess. Still somewhat am a mess but not like before. Now with my postpartum body, I’m feeling depressed. Is this considered PPD?

Anyway, I currently lack motivation to consistently workout. I’ll go for 3 days and then stop for a week. Then do it again. It’s like a never ending cycle. I want to lose the weight before school starts and it’s doable. I have a whole 5 weeks before school starts and would love to lose 20 lbs. Is that doable? Beats me. I’ve never been on a weight lose journey and stuck to it so who knows?

Being single has its ups and downs. Some days I want someone to go out with and take my son  and be a family. Other days I’m good with just Khai and me. It flip flops. Do I get lonely? No, but I do miss male attention and affection.

I always feel inferior to these women on social media who have the kind of body I want. They’re not necessarily skinny but their bodies are my body goals, just I want my body to be on a bit of a larger scale. Basically I want everything to stay the same but have the tummy of these women. Yes, I know I shouldn’t be comparing myself to these women and that a man will love me the way I am, however, I’m not wanting this for a man. I want it for me. I want to feel good based off of looking good.

I’ve always had body issues and then I evenetually got over them. Now that I have a child, I’m back to those same insecurities and I know this weight is due to growing a mini me, but it’s also due to stress eating. My diet is the other part. Yes, I’m vegan but you can be a fat vegan and unhealthy. I eat all the processed foods that I shouldn’t eat and I don’t cook like I used to. However, I need to get back to doing that before school starts or I’m shit out of luck.

Going back to work and doing all that walking will help shed the weight, but I have to have the diet to match. Starting tomorrow, no soy, severely limited vegan alternatives (less processed and soy free), lots more veggies and fruits, more smoothies, more exercise (yoga especially), and more getting my body right for myself and to be around for Khai.

As for the single part, I used to think that if I looked like these women on social media, I’d no longer be single. But hell majority of the women I want to look like are single. These gorgeous, beautiful women are living their best life and single and they’re all in their early 30s like me (well I’m not actually in my 30s but I will be in October).

Before you say, “Oh you’re still young, take your time, don’t rush,” that’s all cool and I actually agree with you. I’m barely 30 and have a lot of living to do. Why should I let the longing for a relationship overpower what all I want to do? I want to show Khai the world and be an awesome mom and have my dream career. Now granted, yes I know you can do all of that and be in a relationship, but I want it to just be me and Khai for right now.

Will the feeling of wanting to be in a relationship go away? Not likely, but I’m learning to be okay with it. Will I look like those women on social media? Not likely, but I’ll continue working on falling in love with myself and wanting to look like myself. Do I consider myself drop dead gorgeous? On a good day, yes, but most times no. I do believe I’m beautiful in my own way and I know there’s a man who will love me just for that.

Do you have insecurities in your singleness? If so, what are they and how do you plan to overcome them?

All Things Writing, Sneak Peeks

The Aftermath

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It has been a long while since I have released a book or even a sneak peek of something that I am working on. I am pleased to give you all a sneak peek into my next novel which will be released this summer/fall. I haven’t been excited about a project in so long, I can barely contain my excitement. I am not nearly done with this novel, but I can say it will be well worth the wait. Without further a do, click below to read the beginning of my next piece of work. I would greatly appreciate if you left a comment about what you think, below.

Prologue and chapter 1

My Life

3 Things 2017 Taught Me

We are always learning lessons, more so as we get older. This past year has been a whirlwind of learning and life events. Not all have been good, and not all have been bad. I have to say 2017 was a pretty damn good year.

  1. Budgeting. I have been on a strict budget and I have to say, it has paid off, literally. I’ve paid off a good amount of debts this year and it showed me that I can manage my money. I used to be this huge spender, especially when it came to food and clothes. I’ve become more frugal and minimalistic and that has been a money saver. I don’t buy anything that is not an absolute need. If I leave something in the store and the next time I come back and it’s not there, that means I didn’t need it. I always used to confuse my needs and wants ( not really, I just needed everything I wanted lol). Needs are things that you can’t live without and I had to keep that mindset.
  2. Consistency. I think 2017 has been my least consistent year when it comes to my blog, YT channel and novels. I have slacked so much this year and I now realize that that contributes a lot to me falling further and further behind of becoming a full time creator. Had I been as consistent as I know I could’ve and should’ve been, I may be in a different place right now. I let outside distractions deter me from my goal, and now I am paying for it. Could I have been a full time blogger and creator by now? Damn skippy, but I let all of these outside distractions occupy my mental. I remember when I first started my blog how dedicated I was, posting almost everyday. I have now set a schedule to where there are at least 2 new posts a week. I would let the ways of others and how they run their blogs influence my moves, but now, I know that techniques don’t work the same for everyone and don’t fit every situation. I have to run my business the way I see that best fits me and my consumers (that would be you, the person reading this).
  3. Love. Love is not just for another person of the opposite sex. I have learned that love can be for anyone. I fell in love this year and I know in 2018 I will fall deeper in love when my baby is born. I never knew how being pregnant can open your eyes to a different kind of love. Feeling my baby kick is the most beautiful thing and knowing that I am doing everything in my power to make sure my little one comes out healthy, there’s no greater love than that. I always equated love to being something I would feel with a man, not knowing that love is family, children, friends, etc. There is not one definition of love nor one person whom it’s for. Love can be for anyone. Do I still want love from my mate one day? Of course I do. Who doesn’t? But I had to learn that love has no number (person).

What is something, or some things, that 2017 has taught you?

My Life, Vegan Mommy Things

A Vegan Baby, Arriving Soon!

You read that right. There’s a vegan bun in the oven and I couldn’t be more excited. As I finish up my first trimester, here’s how things went.


When I found out I was pregnant, I was numb. I did not want kids and finding out you’re pregnant and not married or in a relationship, pretty damn scary. I took two pregnancy tests (yes two because I thought the first one was lying), and then immediately went to my mom’s house. I cried as I told her and she jumped for joy (not because I was crying but because this is her first grandchild). As the days and weeks went on, I came to terms with it. 

At my first ultrasound, the doctor said that my baby was measuring rather small, that the heartbeat was on the low side of normal, and that there were several reasons it could be happening.

  1. My last period dates were wrong.
  2. My ovulation was late.
  3. It could be a slow pregnancy, which meant the baby could possibly not make it. 

Over the course of the next couple of weeks, I was on edge thinking the worst. I didn’t want it to be the third reason and was so scared. Apparently my mom and grandmother were too, they just didn’t want to stress me even more. Fast forward to my second prenatal appointment, the baby’s heart rate was in the normal range, it had grown tremendously, it was kicking its little foot and waving its hand. I felt so much joy and excitement. I had felt flutters since the last appointment but paid them no mind. Little did I know, that was the baby moving. 

My doctor said everything was normal, the baby looked fine and was growing as it should. Turns out, my ovulation was a week late and I do remember not feeling myself ovulate (I have severely painful ovulations but the month of July, I didn’t feel it at all). I am so glad that my baby is doing well.

Symptoms

I really didn’t have anything to notify me I was pregnant other than the fact that I missed my period. I keep track of my period like a professional watchdog and when it didn’t come (like a few days past) I took the tests. Now at about 4 weeks I experienced cramping, really sore breasts and outrageous avocado and kale cravings. It was on a whole other level. The sore breasts is what bothered me the most.

I did start taking prenatal vitamins, but my doctor didn’t like the ones I had, so she prescribed me another vegan prenatal . They are horse pills (meaning that they are huge), but for the sake of my baby, I’ll do whatever I have to do. 

Diet

My eating has been all over the place. I have not cooked much if at all. All I want to eat are samosas, fries, donuts, ice cream, and everything not healthy (but still vegan). Sometimes I have no appetite and sometimes I can’t stop eating. It’s really weird and fluctuates often. I have gained weight since my first prenatal appointment, which is a good thing. 

I was told come the second trimester, my eating will go back to normal, and I cannot wait for that to happen. I can’t stand leafy greens right now and I miss them, yet I have no appetite for them. 

Mood Swings

I will say that my attitude is not the best right now and absolutely everything and everyone annoys me (sorry y’all, but it’s true). I feel more sensitive to things that people say and I hate that. Everything just gets on my last nerves and I feel so annoyed at that. Usually I can let things slide, but not so much now. 

Baby’s Gender

So I do not yet know the baby’s gender. I will find out on October 16, a week after my birthday. I don’t have a preference of the sex, just as long as the baby is healthy and has 5 toes, 5 or 6 fingers (6 fingers on each hand runs in my family), and has all the right body parts in the right place. My mom wants a gender reveal party, however, I am not keen on the idea because a gender reveal party just sounds stupid. Like no one can bring gifts if they don’t know, so then I have to have a baby shower on top of that. I am that odd child in the family where “normal societal behaviors” don’t interest nor impress me.

Final Thoughts

I am excited to be a mom. Though I will be a single mom, that is how I envisioned if I ever had kids. Do I want a husband and family? Of course, but I just never saw that when I saw myself having my first child. I know that’s really odd because most women envision being married and having a home and career when they have kids. For me, as long as I had my own place, my own car, and 2 careers, I’m set (yes, I have two careers: I’m a blogger and educator). As long as I could take care of myself and my baby financially (which is why I have been working my ass off to pay debts), then whether or not I was married or in a relationship, just didn’t matter. Did I plan to get pregnant? Not at all, but the universe doesn’t adhere to plans. The universe knows what you can and can’t handle and I guess this whole time I have been preparing myself to be a mother and I could not be more happier.

xoxo The Black Vegan Author

 

Short Stories, Sneak Peeks, Uncategorized

Short Story Sunday 4/30/2017 (Her Hustle Excerpt)

As she got closer, she stopped in her tracks. There at the table, was Rodney. Their eyes locked and they both had the same expression on their faces.

“What are you doing here?” they both said in unison.

Everyone grew quiet. Her sister, Anissa, was the first to speak.

“How do y’all know each other?”

“We live in the same apartment complex on the same floor,” they both said.

Danisha found it annoying that they were speaking at the same time, thinking the same thing.

“It’s a small world isn’t it?” said her mother.

“Come sit down so we can eat.”

They both walked the rest of the way to the table. The only seat left was the one by Rodney. Danisha reluctantly sat down, rolling her eyes. Why the fuck was he here, she thought. It was like Anissa was reading her mind. She had a tendency of doing that.

“This is my boyfriend Roshan. Roshan this is my sister Danisha. I knew you weren’t dating anyone so I didn’t want you to feel like a fifth wheel so I asked him to bring a friend. But I guess that was a bad idea.”

“No shit, Anissa,” said Danisha.

“You watch your mouth!” exclaimed their mother.

“You may be grown but I will slap the piss out of you if you use such language around me again.”

“Sorry, mom.”

The whole time her father sat there quietly eating. He wasn’t much of a drama man so when there was some brewing, he kept his mouth shut and his eyes down. Rodney and Roshan followed suit. They all started eating in silence. Danisha just wanted to leave. This wasn’t exactly her ideal lunch with her family. As she ate, she noticed the cologne Rodney was wearing. It was the kind that got her lower half heating up. Unbreakable by Khloe and Lamar. She shifted trying not to let the scent get to her.

“I guess I’ll be the ice breaker,” said her father.

“Danisha, how is my lovely daughter doing?”

“I’m doing good dad. Just working. You know, business as usual.”

“What business would that be?” asked her mother.

Danisha became nervous hoping that Rodney would not bring up her apparel the night before. She glanced over and saw that he too was waiting for an answer. She could see the amusement in his face.

“You guys know I don’t like to discuss my business. Just know that it and I are doing well and I’m living comfortably,” said Danisha.

“I bet. The kind of place you live in you must be really doing good,” said Anissa.

Danisha rolled her eyes and took another bite of her tuna sandwich and chips. She hated having to have breakfast, lunch, or dinner with her family. The focus was always on her and what she was doing.

“Danisha, why don’t you tell us how you and Rodney met?” said her mother. Danisha glared at her in dismay and embarrassment. She didn’t want to tell her parents what their first encounter was really like.

“I was coming home from a late night at work and we bumped into each other on the elevator. We exchanged greetings and when we got out the elevator, we went our separate ways.”

“That’s it?” asked her father and Anissa.

“Well, I was tired and wasn’t really up for conversation,” Rodney finally said.

“Plus I had just moved in that morning and she was the first person I ran into that lived on my floor. She looked tired as well and I didn’t want to keep her.”

He smirked as he said that. Her blood boiled hot. She was sure they could see the steam coming out of her ears.

“Well, maybe you two should go out sometime and maybe Danisha can show you around the town,” said her mother.

“Mom…” Danisha started but was then cut off.

“In fact, Danisha, give him a tour of the house,” her mom smiled with a wide grin.

“I would love that,” said Rodney.

Danisha let out a breath and rose from the table. She threw her napkin onto her plate.

“It would be my pleasure,” she said sarcastically and walked towards the house.

“My sister can be stubborn like that sometimes,” said Anissa.

“I can see that,” said Rodney as he got up quickly and jogged after Danisha.

Once they were in the kitchen and he had closed the door, she spoke with heavy acid in her voice.

“You motherfucking bastard!” she yelled.

He gasped in shock at her tone and anger.

“You just…ugh!” she growled.

“I’m lost. The fuck is your problem?”

“The fuck is my problem? First, you fucking insult me by calling me a hooker.”

“I never said you were a hooker,” he said in defense.

“You implied it. Then you ask am I visiting someone and then was shocked when you found out I lived there. What? A black woman can’t live like a black man, or a man for that matter? I can’t have a job that affords me my penthouse and my car?”

“I get your point Danisha.”

“And now you’re at my fucking parents house, reveling in my squirming and even taking part in making it happen.”

“I said I get your point dammit!” he barked.

Danisha was taken back by his reaction. His chest was moving fast as she could feel the tension in the room rising. She turned and headed up to the foyer and up the stairs and he followed. She was pissed and he knew she was. She went into one of the guest rooms at the end of the hall and he followed closing and locking the door behind him. He quickly glanced around the room and realized how elegant it was. Then their eyes locked.

They walked quickly towards each other and embraced in a steam angry kiss. They were both pissed at each other and they didn’t even know each other. He wanted her and she just wanted to fuck and let off some steam. He took of her shirt but never looked away. She felt his arousal pressing between her legs. She caressed it and felt his hard, long, thick length. Her kitten was purring now from hunger. She needed it and she needed it now.

She undid his pants and they fell to the floor. He kicked his shoes off, along with his pants. His dick fell through the front hole of his boxers. She gasped at how big and black it was. It was the most beautiful thing she had ever seen. She quickly got on her knees and grabbed his hips. She looked up at him and smiled for he did not know what he was in for. His lips were parted and he stiffened his body as she took him completely in her mouth. He let out a groan and spread his legs to steady himself.

He put his hands on her shoulder as she slowly sucked and grazed his lengthy softly with her teeth. His breath hitched and he tensed up even more. She sucked harder now and faster taking him all the way in and then all the way out.

“Oh, fuck! I’m bout to bust!” he growled as he felt his nut and grabbed her head and thrusted in and out of her mouth.

“Oh, shit! Ah, fuck! Danisha damn!”

She felt his salty release down her throat. She took him out of her mouth and stood up and smiled. He was gasping for air as that nut took everything out of him. He smiled back.

“My turn,” he said.

He grabbed her by the waist and laid her on the bed. He pulled off her sandals and undid her pants, pulling them and her thong off. He got on top of her and kissed her hard. He kissed her neck then down to her breasts. He undid the bra from the front and gasped at how large her breast was. She felt his dick harden against her pussy. She couldn’t wait to have it inside her.

He grabbed her nipple with his teeth and sucked hard. She let out a small yelp as he took her by surprise. He then continued to kiss her down her stomach and then the insides of her thighs. He was now on his knees on the floor. As he continued to kiss both thighs he inserted two fingers in her pussy and her hips lurched. She let out a gasp and clenched the sheets.

With his free hand he grabbed his pants and pulled a condom out of his pocket. She didn’t hear him open the packet and put the condom on. He then removed his fingers and kissed her clitoris and then forcefully attacked it with his tongue. She put her hands on his head and he grabbed the outside of each of her thighs, pulling them apart.

He inserted his tongue in her pussy and she felt how long it was. He found her spot with his tongue and flicked it with the end of it. She let out a scream as her orgasm took over her body. Her cum came rushing out and squirted all in his mouth. He continued until she pushed his head away. He wiped his mouth and stood up.

“Fuck me now!” Danisha demanded.

He smiled, climbed in between her lugs and lunged in her. She screamed an ear piercing scream.

“Shh…” he said as he smiled.

“Just fuck me,” she begged and he did as he was told.

He slammed in her as hard as he could. She felt him in her stomach. She grabbed his arms which were big and muscular and that turned her on even more. His breath was becoming heavier and he held her hips as he slammed harder and harder in her. She was moaning and digging her nails into his back.

“Oh, shit, call me daddy,” he said.

“Nigga what?”

“Call me daddy,” he repeated.

“Hold on stop,” she said and he stopped thrusting.

“Call you daddy? Why?”

“I like when women call me daddy. Makes me feel superior and masculine,” he explained.

“Get out and off of me.”

“What? Why?”

“It’s my body and my pussy and because shit I fucking said so.”

He pulled out of her and rolled on side of her. She got up and started getting dressed. He watched her in confusion.

“Did I say something wrong?” he asked.

“I don’t call anyone daddy who demands it from me,” she replied.

“So you are a hooker,” he said.

“I am not a fucking hooker.”

“By the way you just sucked my dick and let me fuck you, yeah, I consider that a hooker.”

“You don’t know what you’re talking about,” she said as she put her shoes on and looked at herself in the mirror above the dresser at the foot of the bed against the wall.

“You should get dressed before someone sees you,” she said as she unlocked the door and walked out leaving it open.

He hurried and got up to close it. Back outside, everyone was laughing and having a good time.

“I’m leaving, thanks for lunch,” said Danisha as she hugged and kissed her parents and then her sister.

Financial Advice, My Life

Money in Relationships

A while back, someone I follow on IG made a post about why men don’t take women on dates. Now he had some great points, I will admit, but it also brought up another topic that has been on my mind. In my past relationships, I have always been broke. Relationships can be expensive if it is only one person footing the bills. That person has always been me except for one relationship. I have always gone broke putting gas in a man’s car, putting gas in my car when he didn’t have one or if I ended up driving because he didn’t have gas in the car. I spent money on dates, often times paying for myself. Now I am not saying that a man should be paying for everything, but if we are in a courtship, I feel the man should be the man. I don’t think I should be the breadwinner and the one collecting and paying the bills. That’s just not how I see things. 

I have always made the mistake of not seeing these broke men from a mile a way, or staying in these one-sided relationships, putting myself in even more debt. When will it be my turn to be splurged on? When will I ever hear, “Baby, I got it.”? For me, if a man can’t afford to pay all of my bills, he can’t afford me. I am not saying this to say that I am looking for someone to pay my bills, because I can do that myself, however, universe forbid, if I lost my job, I need and want that security that my King has me, that I don’t have to worry about anything. I think every woman wants that security that her man has her. 

Now this all goes vice verse, I would have my man too, but I am not talking about that right now. In my courtship, relationship, marriage, what have you, I feel like the man should be the one taking care of things financially. This is not to say that I won’t be working and helping out, but I also will be taking care of home, making sure the bills are paid, cooking, cleaning, raising and schooling the kids, etc. 

I know that money should not be the main focus of a relationship, but when two people come together, it needs to be talked about and discussed as far as how things will be paid. Just like sex, money is the one of the leading causes of divorce. People don’t like to talk money especially when it comes to spending it, but it is a necessary conversation. Questions need to be asked like:

Do we combine accounts?

Do we keep separate accounts?

Do we combine and have accounts on the side?

How are we going to pay the bills?

Who pays what bills?

Will we set aside money for trust funds? College? If so, do we open a joint account or one in the children’s names?

Things like that have to be discussed. My point is, if a man is not prepared to talk money in this essence, we can’t have any kind of conversation. I’m talking about if and when it gets that serious that we should be discussing money. I have been in too many relationships where I was expected to do everything monetarily as if I were the man in the relationship and the breadwinner, which often times I was. I made the stupid mistake of staying with these men even though they were causing me to go broke.

I’m not looking for someone to take care of me because I can do that myself and have been. I want someone who can take care of me when I need it most. Someone who will make me allow them to take care of me and let me know it’s okay and that I don’t have to do things alone and for myself all the time.

Please let me know your thoughts in the comments below.

Coming Soon..., Sneak Peeks

Below the Surface

Beauty is in the eye of the beholder,

At least that’s what I’ve heard.

But is it really in the eye of the beholder?

For when we talk about beauty,

Isn’t it the outer appearance that we speak of?

That’s shallower than the morning

Tide of the ocean.

What about under the make up

She has caked on her face?

Under the bundles of weave that weigh

Her head down as if many burdens

Were placed upon it?

What about under the clothes that she

Wears to impress men who don’t notice her,

And women she can’t stand?

What about beneath the skin,

The blood that flows through her veins?

What about underneath her scalp,

The brain that has worked overtime

Through two degrees and a master’s?

What about behind those eyes that have

Seen such dark things that light

may never shine through them again?

What about under her large breasts,

A heart that has been broken many times?

Sneak Peeks

It Ended

When it ended,

I didn’t want it to be over.

I sat in denial,

Thinking that things would

Eventually work out.

I kept holding on to the good

Days that I overlooked the bad

Which were more often than not.

But I didn’t care.

I hated being alone

And was desperate for any

Kind of attention that would

Deter me from my thoughts

That would always consume me.

At the time I didn’t know that

The Creator was saving me from

A man who would have

Brought me to the lowest of lows.

Lifting me up wasn’t his thing,

For chivalry had no place in his being.

The emotional abuse was enough

To leave me scarred worse than

Any amount of physical abuse,

But I still didn’t want him to leave.

Sneak Peeks

Acts of Emotions


I’m not the emotional type,But I wear my heart on my sleeves. There’s no guessing how I feel about you, though I’ll never say it with words. I let my actions speak for themselves because words are just words right? See I act like I’m this strong tough woman but when it comes to you, thinking about you, seeing your name pop up on my phone, I melt inside. Even though you’re not here, you do something to my body that not even the physical touch can compare to.

(Just a snippet of what you’ll see in my upcoming book, The Tangled Mind. Be on the look out.) 

Short Stories

Sexual Earthquake


Rapid thrusts like tectonic platesBodies vibrating like an earthquake

Screams of pleasure

Hands scrambling to grasp

Ahold of something to hold on

Breath short after what seemed like a marathon

Juices flowing like Niagara

Ecstasy overcomes like being high in the clouds

Heaven bound, deep euphoria

Entranced by the emotions,

The electricity, the passion,

The aura

Then it stops

But it’s not over

There’s always an aftershock.