All Black Everything, confessions, Vegan Mommy Things

Confessions of a Single Mom #6: The Talk

And I’m not talking about the sex talk either. As a black mother to a black boy, we have to have a talk that our white counterparts don’t: being a black boy in a society that sees him as dangerous and a threat because of the color of his skin. It’s a shame that I have to even have this talk with him and to say that I’m terrified of it is an understatement.

Why do I have to tell my son that because of the color of his skin and he’s a male, he was born with a target on his back? Why do I have to tell him about obeying the police no matter what and not to run even if you’re innocent or they will shoot you down? Why do I have to tell him that no matter what the cop says, don’t become defensive or combative, just cooperate? Why do I have to tell him that if he’s hanging with his white friends and cops come around, he’ll be the one they look at while his friends get to go free, or that he’s the reason for there being any trouble?

Why do I have to explain to him that in school if he seems to be smarter than the rest and he isn’t properly accommodated, his acting out will automatically have him labeled ADD or ADHD or even SPED, when in reality he is just smart and ahead for his age? Why do I have to explain to him that he won’t be able to do everything his white friends do because his skin doesn’t allow him that privilege? Why do I have to explain to him that he will be stereotyped until the day he dies with people assuming he’s a ball player, can run fast and has a big penis?

Why do I have to explain to him that some, not all, white women will go after him for his penis or his money if he decides to play ball? Why do I have to explain to him that he will be fetishized by white women and gay white men? Why do I have to explain to him that there is a certain way he has to act around white people just to make it in this world?

But you know what? Why do I have to explain anything aforementioned to my black son? Because that’s the world we live in and if he’s not careful, he’ll find himself at the barrel end of a gun. I’m not even looking forward to having to have this conversation with his father about when we should talk about these things with him. I know that someone will say why is race always involved. If you live in America and anywhere that black people, especially black boys and men, are shot down for no reason, you’ll understand. Coming from a black mother, our worry about our babies is ten times worse than those of any other race, including those of biracial children.

My Life

What I Learned in 2016

Here are some things I learned this past year:

  1. Good things take time. I got an apartment and a new job. I have been speaking these things into the universe for years and they came within two months of each other.
  2. I found out what friendship really meant. I have a handful of good friends and they have really shown what it means to have a friend.
  3. I took a nude photo and posted it on IG. The feed back was so amazing and I’ve really stepped out of my shell.
  4. I learned that not all men are the same.  I’ve met some amazing guys through IG who aren’t after nudes or just sex, they really stimulated my mind through great conversation.
  5. I learned that sometimes you have to make the first move when it comes to relationships, romantic and non. I created a post on IG about how I wanted to be friends with quite a few people and turns out they wanted to be friends too!
  6. Don’t judge people by their appearance, judge them on their actions. I’ve met quite a few people this year and their actions proved their looks wrong. This is something I’ve always done and people’s actions have always told a different story.
  7. The best time for me to write is between the months of October and February. So from around the time of my birthday (October 7) through the end of February is when I have written all of my books. Something I should’ve been paying attention to.
  8. Consistency is a major issue I have. I haven’t been consistent with my writing, videos, posts, blogs, anything. I want to improve on all of those things an become better at them.
  9. I can’t keep dwelling on the past. I have a tendency to see what my ex’s are doing and how their lives have been since we’ve broken up. Some are fairing well and others, not so much. The problem with me thinking about what could have been is hindering me from moving forward with someone who could be my present and future.
  10. I am standing in my own way from doing a great many things, such as becoming a best seller. I don’t advertise or promote as much as I should and I don’t take advantage of all the social media platforms that are at my fingertips. I will be taking great advantage of that when I finish this book.
  11. I need to be more open to the idea of having a publisher. I have been an indie author for four years and though book sales have done well, I still need to be open to getting a publisher and soon.
  12. Love still exists. I thought love was dead and the possibility of love for me was something that was like a fairytale; make believe. I am starting to realize that love is a lot closer than I think.
  13. Let things go. I learned that you can’t hold on to things that have angered you or brought negativity into your life. When you do that, you are letting people/things have power over you. You have to let things go.
  14. Laugh more. I think I have laughed more in this year than I ever have in my entire life and laughing is a form of therapy. I don’t laugh much, and it also doesn’t take much for me to laugh. I plan to do a lot more laughing in 2017.
  15. Only write when you feel like writing. I’ve forced my hand so many times to write but my mind was just not having it. I only write when I feel like writing and when I have something to write about.
  16. I write best at night, late at night too. I have found myself many times up at 2 or 3 in the morning, writing. Waking up from a crazy dream and I turn that dream into a story or poem.
  17. It’s okay to cry. I have also cried many times this year, more in the past four months than any time in my life. Finally being out on my own has brought so many emotions to me and being able to be alone and be in solitude, I have released many pent up emotions.
  18. Live in the moment. I was always a planner and still am, somewhat. But I learned that there is nothing like being present in the here and now. I learned to put my phone away and that everything doesn’t need to be captured and posted on social media.
  19. Talk more. I have always been a quiet person but I think I’ve done a lot of talking. I am building up my courage to be able to do public speaking so that I can do spoken word and book tours and signings.
  20. Everything happens for a reason and in due time. I think this was the biggest lesson I learned this year as far as my books, job, apartment, friends, romantic encounters. There are no coincidences in life.
  21. Don’t be so hard on myself. I am my toughest critic, fan, enemy, you name it. I get so down on myself when I don’t accomplish something or something doesn’t go the way that I expected it to. I have to remember that I can always try again and do it differently the next time around.

What are some things that you have learned in 2016?