My Life, Vegan Mommy Things

Death Becomes Me

I was never afraid to die until I had Malakhai. Now all I can’t hink about is what will happen if I’m not here? How will he survive? Granted I know the answers but I don’t want Malakhai to have to live in a world as a child without his mother. I never want to leave him but death is inevitable.

Of course, I have life insurance for the both of us so he’s taken care of, but even thinking about life insurance and last wills is disheartening, to think that Malakhai will have to eventually live without me.

I know we are all born to eventually die, but I always wonder why do we have to die? Why is there death? What’s the purpose of life if you’re only going to die? If I die, will I get to see my ancestors again? Will I be Malakhai’s guardian angel? So many questions that need answers, but no one to give them.

So I just sit and think about life right now and if I die today, will I leave this earth giving Malakhai the tools to succeed and will I leave a legacy and the answer to both is a terse “no”. So now, it’s high time I make a conscious effort to change all of that.

I will leave this earth with a legacy left behind in the hands of my son. He will know how to survive without clocking in somewhere.

How do you feel about death?

Vegan Mommy Things

No Days Off


Today was a student holiday so the kids didn’t have to go to school. Today was supposed to be a PD day however, we too got the day off. And low and behold, yours truly gets sick. Not sure if it’s due to allergies, getting wet in the rain and then entering into the cold of my apartment and not changing clothes immediately. Who knows? All I know is I keep sneezing, I had a sore throat (it’s gone now), and I’ve been blowing my brains out (I wonder if you can pop a blood vessel from blowing your nose too hard).

Even though I had today off from work, I didn’t have today off from being a mother. As a parent, there are no days off, even if your kids are with relatives. You still worry if they’re  okay and anxiously waiting to be reunited. I knew this is true for me.

It’s hard being sick and having a four month old who still needs you to take care of them. My son wants to play with me and laugh and have fun, and all I want to do is sleep. However, I had to push through. Sure I could’ve dropped him off at my parents, but they keep him everyday while I’m at work. I know they need a break too (though they’ll never admit it).

Along side of needing to take care of my son, I had to do laundry, meal prep, speak with the people to get my Child Safety Kit, sign up for life insurance and re-enroll for health insurance. Today has been quite busy, as have been the last two days.

All in all, I perservered through the day and now it’s finally time to go to sleep. I’m hopping this ginger tea and the humidifier will knock whatever this is out.

Fun fact: when a breastfeeding mother is sick, she should still nurse her child. The antibodies that are fighting her illness will pass to the child through her milk to build up their immune system and antibodies.

How do you handle being sick and being a mother/parent?