Health + Wellness

Forgiveness

People y’all about forgiveness like it’s easy as pie. We’re always quick to say forgive and forget, but how can we forgive and forget something someone did to us that put us in a depression? Hurt people hurt people, but we don’t talk about the severness of the hurt.

I was journaling about the people in my life I need to forgive and the unforgivable things they did to me. Do I forgive all of them? No, but I’m working on it. But what does forgiveness actually do? It allows the other person to no longer have any control over you. You relinquish that hurt and pain and you are able to move on.

Harboring past experiences blocks you from future opportunities in more ways than one. Sometimes we lose trust because of someone breaking their trust with us, then we no longer can trust anyone and say no to everyone and everything. We live a life of suspicion of everyone and that’s no way to live.

I know some people forgive someone over and over again, allowing that person to still stay in their life, when the best option is to let them go. Just because you forgive someone, doesn’t mean you need to continue to associate yourself with them. I recently disassociated myself from someone who was using me, causing me pain, dragging me into their drama, lying to me and sending me into a depression.

Keeping these toxic people in your life makes your forgiving them null and void because you are allowing more chances of them doing the same thing that you keep forgiving them for. People throw forgiveness around like they do love and that’s detrimental to your mental health.

Forgiveness should not be taken lightly and should be thought out. When you forgive someone, it’s not for that person, it’s for you. You’re letting what they did go, but you’re not forgetting. When you forgive someone, it makes that person feel small because they don’t have you in the palm of their hand like they thought they did. They can no longer control and manipulate the narrative.

Think about who in your life you need to forgive, why you need to forgive them and what will come of it.

Health + Wellness

Breakthroughs

I have nothing against therapy, it’s just not something I can do right now, so I have my own form of therapy: yoga and journaling. In my last journal entry I was writing about the negativity I have been experiencing and that has been lurking in my mind as well as the almost unfortunate events it has caused and may cause. Negative thoughts that I created about scenarios that haven’t even happened and may never happen, have cause some negative events and levels of stress and anxiety. Malakhai and I were in almost 3 accidents this week. I realized that those were wake up calls.

At these moments I wasn’t thinking negative thoughts but I had been earlier those days. Is there a correlation? I’m not sure. But I’m realizing that this bubble of negativity stems from somewhere and I finally pinpointed the causes (I can’t disclose them because they involve people close to me and it’s super personal). Now that I’ve pinpointed those causes, I’m on a journey to figuring out how to stop those negative feelings and thoughts when they creep in.

I feel exhilarated right now because I’m finally cracking things open. Journaling is where I came to these conclusions. I’ll admit I do talk to myself and when I journal, it’s basically the same thing. I let my pen do the talking and as my thoughts flow onto the paper, I can see where an abundance of my issues lie. For some reason, seeing it on paper makes a world of difference.

Not all the time do I go back and read my entries, but lately I have been, just to see if maybe I mentioned something before that can trigger something in me or cause me to have an epiphany. I’m always looking for messages or just something in my entires to give me some idea of when this negativity started, why and how I can possibly fix it.

I will continue to journal because it’s extremely therapeutic. What are some ways you deal with things or work out your issues if you don’t go to therapy?

Health + Wellness

Journaling Sessions

Since having Malakhai, it’s been quite hard to journal. I’m a lengthy journaler (I know that’s not a word) and it’s hard to not journal for 1-2 hours. Journaling is my form of therapy that works so well for me. It allows me to dump things out and ask myself questions and as o ask these questions, I tend to be able to answer them through other journaling sessions or ones that I’ve already had.

I had a journaling session one night that turned into 6 pages over an hour (thanks Malakhai for sleeping long enough for mommy to go to journal therapy) and when I was done, I felt relieve, like a weight had been lifted and whatever hold was on me, let go. If you don’t journal, I highly recommend it.

I feel like WOC don’t deal with their mental health as they should but it seems like more and more millennial WOC are seeking professional help. One of my fave podcasts is Therapy for Black Girls (which I think I’ve mentioned before). I tried therapy and it didn’t work but then again, the therapist could not relate to me and I could not relate to her nor was I comfortable.

I think now that Malakhai and I are ina routine, I can now guesstimate when a good time to journal will be. Typically I like to journal in the morning, but now I work around his naps. As long as I get an hour a day, I’m good.

Do you journal? How often and is it therapeutic?

My Life

Professional Quitter…

I’ve quit a great many things in my day. I would always get a great idea, start, get bored or become complacent, and then stop. That is what has happened with my journaling.

Growing up, I was an avid writer. I went through diaries like none other. I was an emotional kid who suffered from some trauma, and writing was my way of coping. As I got older, the writing became more intense. (Side note: I regret not keeping my diaries over the years.) It matured as I did. When I was in a dark place, which was often, I would write. It kept me from committing suicide several times.

Writing helps to keep me focused and allows me to pour out and dump my emotions on the page rather than in someone else. I hate dumping my emotions on others to where they now have to carry that package, passing off negative energy. Yes, it is true that there are people who get paid to be dumped on (no pun intended), but I just don’t feel that comfortable dumping on anything but a toilet.

Over the last few years I have started and stopped writing in my journal. I remember year before last that I wrote in it everyday. For some reason during my pregnancy, I just haven’t wanted to write in it and I think that may be because I’m actually happy. On the other hand, that’s no excuse to stop writing in it. I should write when I’m happy, mad, sad, depressed, etc. Why is it that we always nurse the bad moments and sonwuick to celebrate the good then move on? How backwards is that?

I’m not going to lie and say that I vow to write in my journal everyday, but I will be more consistent, even in my happy moments. Sometimes I may take to my blog for journaling sessions and that’s okay. It’s fine to want others to talk to that don’t know you but may somehow understand how you feel and what you’re going through.

Have you ever found that you start and stop something often? Or are you the type that others envy because you’re so damn consistent? Share you thoughts below!

xoxo,

Moniqua LaShae, aka the quitter

Health + Wellness

Motivational Monday: Preparing

It was the morning we went back to school after the winter break, and I was journaling before I got my day started. As I was journaling, I figured that it was too good not to share, so of course I had to make it into a blog post. I was writing about how getting ready for this week has made it possible for me to not rush in the morning. Here are a few bullet points that I will expound upon in a series of upcoming blog posts for my motivational Mondays:

  • Eating breakfast at home instead of at work
  • Go to bed earlier
  • Having my essential oil diffuser in my room with lavender at night and a citrus scent in the morning
  • Seriously meal prepping on Sundays since we have tutorials after school
  • Journaling in the morning (also meditation)
  • Setting intentions for the day
  • Getting up if I’m already awake before my alarm

Doing all of those things prepared me for an awesome week. Keep watch for upcoming posts on each of these points as I explain how it has helped contribute to awesomeness this past week.

All Things Writing

Journaling

Writing is a form of healing expression


Growing up, my mom would buy me diaries for birthdays and Christmases. I wrote through all of them, poems, my feelings and thoughts, my latest crush, everything. I was one of those kids who loved to write. Even when I wrote letters to my friends, they were always more than two pages, front and back, all for one idea. They hated it, but I didn’t care. When I express myself through writing, I have to add every single thought that comes to mind, even if it is irrelevant. I do that when I make YouTube videos as well, but I edit some of it out.

Recently, I got back in to personal writing, or journaling as most call it. It has proven to be very rewarding. I bought a few of those composition books that kids use for school, the ones that are $.88 at Walmart. I am already half way through one and another is being used as my prayer journal. I think that is why I have been so stressed lately because I don’t typically talk to people about my problems, and when I write, I leave it all on the paper, close the book and I feel better. I feel like a weight has been lifted.

I highly recommend to those who feel like there is no on listening to their problems, to write in a journal. You don’t necessarily have to talk to someone about everything that is going on because nine times out of ten, people get tired of hearing it. Writing it in a journal, you are still putting it out into the universe and not bottling it up inside. I can guarantee that if you spend at least 10 minutes a day writing (I typically do one to two hours), you will feel a sense of relief. I write longer only because I have a lot bottled up inside and it is hard to stop writing once I start. Many thoughts come to me at one time.

I’ll give an example of when I write. I don’t normally write two hours straight. First thing in the morning, I have to use the bathroom. So I take my journal and pencil and I write what I like to call “Toilet Thoughts.” It’s really about how I am feeling that morning, the dreams I had the night before and how I feel the day may go. That really helps to get the negative feelings out. If I feel a sense of negativity, I write in order to put the negativity into the journal, and get it out of my mind, body and spirit. It really does work because then my day turns out better. This actually happened this morning. I had terrible dreams last night that when I woke up this morning, I felt terrible. I was sad and down. So I had my “toilet thoughts” session and I feel more empowered to take on the day.

I know quite a few people who journal and I’ve heard how it has helped them. I feel like it can help anyone and no, you do not have to be a writer to journal. No one ill see it so it is okay to misspell words, use ebonics, write like you’re texting. Me on the other hand, since I don’t do any of that in my regular writing or texting, I don’t do that in my journal. Because I’m a writer, it would bother me too much (don’t judge my life, lol).

If you decide to take up journaling, please don’t be afraid to let me know how it goes. I would love to hear from you if it has helped, and even if it hasn’t. If you do journal, let me know how it has helped you.

Stayed tuned for my next post about music I listen to while writing my novels, journaling, or any other type of wordsmithing.