Since having Malakhai, it’s been quite hard to journal. I’m a lengthy journaler (I know that’s not a word) and it’s hard to not journal for 1-2 hours. Journaling is my form of therapy that works so well for me. It allows me to dump things out and ask myself questions and as o ask these questions, I tend to be able to answer them through other journaling sessions or ones that I’ve already had.
I had a journaling session one night that turned into 6 pages over an hour (thanks Malakhai for sleeping long enough for mommy to go to journal therapy) and when I was done, I felt relieve, like a weight had been lifted and whatever hold was on me, let go. If you don’t journal, I highly recommend it.
I feel like WOC don’t deal with their mental health as they should but it seems like more and more millennial WOC are seeking professional help. One of my fave podcasts is Therapy for Black Girls (which I think I’ve mentioned before). I tried therapy and it didn’t work but then again, the therapist could not relate to me and I could not relate to her nor was I comfortable.
I think now that Malakhai and I are ina routine, I can now guesstimate when a good time to journal will be. Typically I like to journal in the morning, but now I work around his naps. As long as I get an hour a day, I’m good.
I am finally out of the first trimester and I could not be happier. The extreme nausea, no appetite, fatigue like no other, just not feeling like myself. Hunger pains were torture and there were only certain foods that I could eat. Now that I am in the second trimester, all of that has gone away. What has stayed is the sore breasts and nipples, the pain in my sciatic nerve because baby is growing and my body is expanding, preparing for my little one.
I’ve been told by quite a few people that the second trimester you don’t even feel like your pregnant, except for the fact that your bump is getting bigger, however, you still feel pregnancy pains. I am looking forward to actually feeling my baby move. I felt little flutters in my first trimester, but in the second trimester, near the end, you’re supposed to actually feel the little human move.
I have become more excited about being a first time mom, and especially so that my baby is vegan and will continue to be vegan. Vegan from birth. There’s not too many people like that anymore.
As my pregnancy goes on, I will continue with updates.
Growing up, my mom would buy me diaries for birthdays and Christmases. I wrote through all of them, poems, my feelings and thoughts, my latest crush, everything. I was one of those kids who loved to write. Even when I wrote letters to my friends, they were always more than two pages, front and back, all for one idea. They hated it, but I didn’t care. When I express myself through writing, I have to add every single thought that comes to mind, even if it is irrelevant. I do that when I make YouTube videos as well, but I edit some of it out.
Recently, I got back in to personal writing, or journaling as most call it. It has proven to be very rewarding. I bought a few of those composition books that kids use for school, the ones that are $.88 at Walmart. I am already half way through one and another is being used as my prayer journal. I think that is why I have been so stressed lately because I don’t typically talk to people about my problems, and when I write, I leave it all on the paper, close the book and I feel better. I feel like a weight has been lifted.
I highly recommend to those who feel like there is no on listening to their problems, to write in a journal. You don’t necessarily have to talk to someone about everything that is going on because nine times out of ten, people get tired of hearing it. Writing it in a journal, you are still putting it out into the universe and not bottling it up inside. I can guarantee that if you spend at least 10 minutes a day writing (I typically do one to two hours), you will feel a sense of relief. I write longer only because I have a lot bottled up inside and it is hard to stop writing once I start. Many thoughts come to me at one time.
I’ll give an example of when I write. I don’t normally write two hours straight. First thing in the morning, I have to use the bathroom. So I take my journal and pencil and I write what I like to call “Toilet Thoughts.” It’s really about how I am feeling that morning, the dreams I had the night before and how I feel the day may go. That really helps to get the negative feelings out. If I feel a sense of negativity, I write in order to put the negativity into the journal, and get it out of my mind, body and spirit. It really does work because then my day turns out better. This actually happened this morning. I had terrible dreams last night that when I woke up this morning, I felt terrible. I was sad and down. So I had my “toilet thoughts” session and I feel more empowered to take on the day.
I know quite a few people who journal and I’ve heard how it has helped them. I feel like it can help anyone and no, you do not have to be a writer to journal. No one ill see it so it is okay to misspell words, use ebonics, write like you’re texting. Me on the other hand, since I don’t do any of that in my regular writing or texting, I don’t do that in my journal. Because I’m a writer, it would bother me too much (don’t judge my life, lol).
If you decide to take up journaling, please don’t be afraid to let me know how it goes. I would love to hear from you if it has helped, and even if it hasn’t. If you do journal, let me know how it has helped you.
Stayed tuned for my next post about music I listen to while writing my novels, journaling, or any other type of wordsmithing.
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