My Life, Vegan Mommy Things

Dating as a Single Mom and Dirty 30

With my 30th birthday expeditiously approaching (it’s in 6 days), I’ve been thinking about being a single mother and dating. I’m not opposed to dating, I just am loving the space I’m in at this moment. But when it comes to dating, here are a few things I need the potential suitor to know:

1. Can’t have me without my son. Period. We go together like peanut butter and jelly, macaroni and cheese, beans and rice, guacamole and tortilla chips, Mickey and Minnie. Catch my drift? There’s no me without him. You want to be with me, he comes with it. A combo meal.

2. Malakhai will always come first, no matter the situation. He is my number one and only priority at the moment. Should we get married, he’d still be number one, but you would then be a priority as well. I will always, first and foremost, be a mother, above all else.

3. I’m pushing 30 (again, in 6 freaking days, damn I’m old), so all the games and FWB and childish shit can miss me. I’m looking to get married, not waste time. What kind of mother would I be to just be hanging out with a man with no intentions of marrying him?

4. My son doesn’t need a father, he already has one. To whomever I shall date, you need to be a role model, a friend, someone my son can talk to. Stepdads play an important role in a child’s life and I was blessed to have two that loved me dearly. Granted my biological father was nowhere in sight, these two men stepped in and did what he should’ve done. Now when it comes to my son, he needs someone to look up to who can teach him things that not I nor his father can.

5. I pay a good $2000+ in bills per month, so “wyd” texts won’t cut it. I’m not looking for handouts or anyone to pay my bills, but I pay too much per month to be entertaining someone who can’t tell me to get dressed because we’re going out just because. Woe me. Date me. Show me that I’m not sitting at the table alone.

6. I’m an upfront kind of person and I don’t like to beat around the bush. I would expect to be treated the same. From the jump, tell me what you’re intentions are with me. I don’t believe in leading someone on until you get what you want and then leaving. If sex is what you’re looking for, I’m not the one. Like I said before, I don’t need friends. I have all the friends I need.

7. I made a vow that after I had my son, shop would be closed, meaning, no sex, and it’s not up for discussion. I’ve made this vow numerous times even before sleeping with my son’s father. I’m scared to get pregnant again in a noncommittef relationship. Also, should we eventually get to the point of thinking about sex, a full STD check with be required. I know someone who has been an inspiration to me, just let it be known that she has HIV. I’m not playing with my life. So I’m short, sex is off the table.

8. When I’m not being a homebody, I like going to low key places like the park, library, museum, cafes, black owned businesses, vegan restaurants, and just places with an intimate setting. Now of course as Malakhai gets older, children friendly places will be required. I don’t want to meet you at a bar (I don’t drink) or go to the club or lounge. I need you to understand I’m an introvert and I don’t like being around a bunch of people with varying energies.

9. Our families must like each other and they must like us. Family is important to me and it’s important that who I’m dating gets along with my family and vice versa.

10. I’m not dead set on if I want more kids, but doesn’t mean I’m opposed to it either. I feel like my son is enough for me and idk if I want to be pregnant again. It’s not that my pregnancy was hard or the birth, I just don’t think more kids are in the cards right now, but you never know.

11. Ambition and creativity go a long way. I am a content creator both in social media and my blog. My blog is like my second child who I often neglect (don’t call CPS on me). I want us to be able to share passions. I think two creative people can come together and make something magical.

12. Family outings are a must. When dating, it can’t just always be us. Now it will for a while before I’m ready for you to meet my son, but once he’s in the picture, most dates need to be all of us. I hate being away from him and he hates being away from me.

These are just the basics and of course there’s more, but what I need to men to see is that when dating a single mother, you have to be on your P’s and Q’s. We already have a lot going on keeping a child’s love boy ourselves, we don’t need the added stress.

As a single mother, what are some of y’alls dating rules?

My Life

Online Dating: The Craigslist Killer

He wasn’t really a killer, but he did kill the relationship. I don’t know if many people know but there’s a classified section on Craigslist where you can find someone to date, just like any other dating website right? Wrong. Many of the ads on Craigslist are spam and not real people. I can’t tell you how many times I’ve posted an ad and got fake responses. Luckily, no information is given out. They email you through a Craigslist email that’s basically a bunch of numbers, but it goes directly to your email.

So, I met this guy who I found extremely attractive. He was a little older than me and shorter. Mind you, I was young and dumb at this time. This was back in 2012-2013 I believe. Anyway, I came over his house one night and we talked, had half a glass of wine and ended up having sex. Now let me tell you, he was not well endowed, but he was an expert at G-spots, if you know what I’m saying. Back-to-back mind-blowing orgasms, and those are hard to come by for me. Why is it always the crazy men who have great sex? For the life of me that’s mind-boggling.

So I ended up staying with him for a out a week. He didn’t work because he was receiving disability from the military. About 3 weeks went by and he began to show his true colors. He was manipulative, dominating, fascist, and demeaning. When he got angry, he would belittle me and treat me like a child. He even talked to me like I was one of his kids, who btw were my age (he had kids in high school).

Soon enough, I found out he was married, but separated and had a 2 year old daughter. I called it quits and never spoke to him again. After calling it quits, he blew me phone up for about a week until I blocked him. Lucky for me, he didn’t know where I lived. I also found out he had been homeless the year before.

This was not my first Craigslist dating experience. I’ll talk about the other in another post which will be much longer. I will never look to Craigslist for anything more than a job or to sell or buy something.

My Life

Plenty of Fish, but I’m Vegan

If you missed my post about Tinder, click here. Now I’m not new to dating sites, but I’ve had my fair share of experiences. I’m going to have a short series on the dating sites I’ve been on. You can check back each Friday over the next few weeks. Let’s start with POF, or Plenty of Fish.

The first guy I met on there turned out to be a trainer. Little did I know that he wasn’t looking for someone to date, but seducing women to come to his gym and work out, then pay for a membership. When he first asked me out on a gym date, I was hyped. At that time, I was looking to workout and a guy I could workout with was definitely on my list.

When I got to the gym, it looked like a whole in the wall. It was a legit gym but just not one I’ve ever been in. Definitely a small business. So we talked a little before and then he started me on different machines. I didn’t realize that he was actually telling me what to do and he wasn’t working out. He never once said he was a trainer. He was also short (being the same height as me is what I consider short), but he had killer muscles. His body was banging and not to mention, he was a real looker.

Midway through the workout, I began to feel lightheaded and nauseous. Did I forget to mention we were in an enclosed area with no AC? I excused myself to the restroom and vomited like nobody’s business. I came back out feeling much better and told him what happened. He said that my workout was done because I shouldn’t be throwing up.

We then sat down and talked about relationships and all that jazz. Then, out of nowhere, he begins his sales pitch in getting me to buy a membership. I was appalled but more so surprised at how clever this son of a bitch was. I got my shit and left, wondering how many women fell for that.

The next day he messaged me through the app asking about the membership, as if my up and leaving wasn’t a clue. I never responded.

The second guy I met on there was a Nigerian, and let me just put this out there, I’ve had my fair share of bouts with Nigerian men and it’s safe for me to say that I cannot date them. Here’s why.

I met this guy at a sports bar for a drink. I didn’t get a drink because I had stopped drinking and for it being a first date, I didn’t want to be inhibited. He continuously asked me if I wanted a drink the entire time we were there and I refused. He knocked back several beers.

We had great conversation but it wasn’t until it was time to go when shit got real. He walked me to my car like a gentleman, so I thought. Once we were out of eyesight of anyone, he immediately pressed me up against the car and started kissing me roughly. I pushed him away and asked what the fuck does he think he’s doing. He apologized and blamed the beers. I got in my car and started it. Next thing I know he’s climbing into the passenger’s seat. I jump, pressing my back against the door and he’s climbing over trying to kiss me and undo my pants. I kick him in the gut and scream for him to get out.

If I tell y’all he got out with the quickness, like he was the damn Flash! I put my car in reverse and sped out of there. The next day I received a message through the app of him being so apologetic and saying he never meant to make me feel uncomfortable. Apparently it worked because my dumbass agreed to go to his apartment. Why Moniqua?????

I get there and he immediately offers me a glass of wine. I pass. He then gets pushy saying to drink it so I can relax. Red flag right? I again refuse and sit on the couch. (Don’t judge my life, you don’t know me.) We watch the basketball game and he starts to touch me and kiss on my neck. I push him off and he gets mad, saying he invited me to his house and we should have sex. Mind you I didn’t even notice the condoms on the table.

I told him to fuck off, and not to touch me. This dude had the fucking audacity to say, “I should be able to touch your body since I like you. Your body belongs to me and my body belongs to you.” He says this as he runs his hand up my thigh, me stopping him before he gets to my cookie. I stand up and head towards the door. He follows me all the way to my car. He tries to kiss me and I push him away.

I never responded to any of his messages after that and ended up blocking him. I know you’re probably thinking, “This chick is stupid as hell.” I blame my age at the time. This was maybe 7-8 years ago.

After that, I closed my account. Aside from all the dick picks, these two guys were enough to make me get off the site. That’s what happens with free messaging and cheap ass memberships.

My Life

“…lookin’ like a right swipe on Tinder…”

Yes, I know the title may make you think of Cardi B’a song “Drip”, but this post is actually not about someone looking that good. About a week or so ago, I joined Tinder. I hear so much about it and I wanted to check it out for myself. I have to say I am somewhat not impressed. Let me explain.

For those of you who don’t know, Tinder is an online dating website. Many equate it to a hookup type site. All there is to it is to create an account and then start swiping: left for “no” and right for “yes”. Basically if you’re interested in the person or not. My disappointment in the app is that you can’t filter the kind of matches you get: by distance, race, occupation, age, height, etc., like a usual dating site. You’re basically going off of looks which is not good enough for me.

Many of the men don’t have anything in their bios, so you don’t have anything to go off of personality wise. My assumption is that it’s because it forces you to have to message someone to meet up and get to know them: face-to-face interactions. My other quam is that I only date men of a certain race: my race. It’s just my preference, just like everyone else has their preferences. There aren’t too many black men on there, more specifically black men of a certain age. They’re all in their 20s and your girl will be 30 this year. They say “age ain’t nothing but a number,” but it is when you have a child and need someone who is mature enough and ready for responsibilities. I don’t need someone to play daddy, because Boo has a father, however, I need someone mature enough to be around a child and help out. Men younger than, I guess 30, I don’t see as being mature. You know women mature faster than men.

Also, distance is an issue. Now the app asks for you zip code, but I keep getting matches in other states. I’ve tried long distance before and it’s not my cup of tea.

Now, I have seen some pretty decent, reputable looking men, but again, I don’t know their personality. I guess the next step is to send messages with the ones who equally swiped right on me. I’ll keep you posted.