All Black Everything

Why do Black Men feel so entitled?

I already know I’m going to catch heat behind this, but I don’t care. I’m only speaking from personal experience so clearly I don’t men all black men. I’m going to preface this article by giving a little back story.

This guy I went to school with has been after me for years, roughly 17 years to be exact. I was never interested in him and once we graduated high school, we parted ways. Thank goodness. However, it seems year after year he seeks me out on social media (not that I’m hard to find).

So about 2-3 years ago, I made the stupid mistake of finally sleeping with him. He’s been hounding me ever since, wanting to be with me. He’s a very aggressive person and I honestly didn’t and don’t feel safe in his presence because he tries to pressure me to have sex.

The last time I saw him was in 2017 at my ten year class reunion. We said “hey” in passing and of course he later on hit me up wanting to come over and I said “no”. We had a huge argument and again, parted ways. He hit me up last year and I was still not interested because I had just had a baby.

Let’s go back a couple of days and he messages me asking did I miss him. I was honest and said I hadn’t thought about him and I hadn’t. I have a child. I’m not thinking about any past men at this moment.

So then he asked why I didn’t want to “fuck with” him. That is where the conversation took a turn for the worst. As a grown ass man, that is not something you should be asking a woman and for certain not in that manner. I explained to him that he wasn’t the kind of man I wanted around my son, nor the kind of man I would want my son to look up to.

He of course was offended and said he’ll talk to me again when my son is old enough to understand what a role model is. I told him don’t bother. So he proceeds to comment on my breasts and I asked him to refrain from that. He asked why and I asked him if I told him to not touch me, would he ask the same question. He said since we had already slept together that would be weird for me to say no.

Pause. Only a rapist would say that because that’s rapist mentality. How dare you tell me that if I tell you not to touch me, that you should still be able to? What right do you have? You still have to have my permission rah and every time you want to touch me. I am not your possession. He then told me to grow up and I blocked him.

Now to my point. What is it that makes some black men feel entitled to do as they want to black men? What makes you entitled to date me, touch me, make me talk to you? Since when do you own women? Like the man who killed the woman because she didn’t want to dance with him, or men who call women “stuck up bitches” when they cat call and a woman turns her nose up, or say that she’s “ugly anyway?”

Where does this sense of entitlement come from? I’ll be damned if Malakhai grows up and thinks that he’s entitled to any woman he wants and she has to submit. Fuck that. If a woman says no then dammit she means no and vice versa. There are women too who feel entitled to men.

This topic also comes in loo of the documentary Surviving R. Kelly. He is the largest entitled piece of shit excuse of a man and I feel like some other black men are taking after him, thinking it’ll work for them.

Could it come from past sexual abuse? Lack of a father figure? How they grew up and seeing their father’s or, mother’s boyfriends, doing the same thing? Past relationships with submissive women?

If you are a black man reading this post, please give me some insight as to where some of your fellow specimen get this notion that every woman has to be with them. Also, why aren’t we holding these men accountable?

All Black Everything, Health + Wellness

Apesh*t & Black Panther

No shade, but black women are the most diverse group of women on this planet. It’s true.  We are the only group of women who come in a wide variety of shades and we have a wide variety of hair textures. But the one thing that bothers me is the misrepresentation of the different shades of black women and the unfortunate favoritism of certain shades. Not to mention the treatment of different shades.

I am not a Beyoncé fan (Beyhive do not come for me unless I send for you), but I have a great respect for her latest video, Apesh*t. It is an extremely inclusive video, with black women of shades across the entire spectrum. That made me feel amazing that she did that. In today’s time, women of my skin tone or darker are underrepresented in music videos and all other aspects of media (commercials, billboards, ads, etc.).

Beyoncé is all about the empowerment of black women, just look at her Formation music video. Her live performances always have only black women doing background and the instrumentals. There aren’t too many women with large platforms and popularity as her, advocating for black women in their entirety.

Black women from lightest to darkest have many adversities against them. Light skinned women are always asked if they’re mixed because they’re too light to just be black. They have to have something else in them. They are also seen as stuck up, yet the most sought after from dark skinned black men. Then you have the women of my color who also aren’t seen as just black. Speaking from personal experience, I am always asked where I am from. Many people think that I am from the islands because of my hair texture and my complexion. I’ve been told I’m too pretty to just be black, and believe it or not, that is an insult to my heritage. I am just black. Period.

I’ve also been told that I must be mixed. Well I’ve never seen a biracial black woman as dark as I am. I’m never seen as just a black woman in America. Also, because I speak proper English (thanks to those years spent living in England), I have been bullied and astrocized by black men but more so black women, speaking as if I’m better than them, that’s what they tell me. Not all black women are loud, uneducated, petty, mad, and belligerent.

Then you have those who are in the range in between light and dark who are often left in the abyss. Nobody really talks about them. Most other ethnicities don’t know but there is a rift amongst black women due to the varying shades. The lighter skinned sisters tend to feel like they’re better than the darker skinned and also look down on us. I’m not saying all, but most, and I think they feel like the have a sense of entitlement because society sees them as more favorable.

I am the type of person who looks deeper into everything I see, especially commercials. Rarely will you ever see a darker skinned woman. They are always of light complexion or biracial. Women of my skin tone aren’t seen as pretty.

I also want to take note of Black Panther. A YouTuber that I watch brought up a good point. She said a friend of hers felt slighted because the representation in Black Panther was limited to women of my color and darker. I hadn’t actually paid attention to that during the numerous times that I’ve seen it. After watching the video, I went back and watched it again and realized that she was right. The thing is, in much of Africa, where Wakanda is, there aren’t really any lighter skinned women. Africa is mainly of people my color and darker.

So, with Black Panther not having any lighter skinned women, it was a true representation, not to mention, all the women in the movie aside from Lupita, Sury, and T’Challa’s mother, were bald. This movie really was for our culture despite the representation, or underrepresentation.

A lot of this rift, again, goes back to slavery. Lighter skinned women were favored mainly because they were a product of a slave woman being raped by a slave master, or a white woman manipulating a black slave male into sleeping with her. These children ended up being house negroes. Granted there treatment was still bad but not considerably as bad as field negroes (I don’t use the other “n” word). We are all still experiencing PTSD (post traumatic slave disorder).

I hope that one day, collectively, we can put colorism aside. We are all black and descendants of Africans and African slaves.

Short Stories

She Knows Who She Is


Single, 

Introverted,

Black,

Curly hair that defied gravity,

Sunkissed chocolatey skin,

Mile long legs,

Dangerous curves,

Honey sweet lips,

Soft, round breasts,

Brown, sultry, seductive eyes,

Voice of a Goddess,

Intellecutally inclined.

She is a Black woman.

She loved herself, now,

But it wasn’t always that simple.

Abused, 

hurt, 

promiscuous,

Self conscious, 

Doubtful,

Lustful,

Selfish,

Unloving,

Self destructive,

Standoffish,

Antisocial,

Bitter,

Lonely.

She has many scars

But they remind her of 

Where she came from,

And not to be stuck

In the past. 

But now,

She’s still not perfect,

But she knows who she is,

She is a Black woman.

Capable and worthy of love,

Passion,

Companionship,

Standards,

Forgiveness,

Reliability,

And everything she

Knows she deserves.

Why?

Because she knows 

Who she is.

Confident,

Faithful,

Trusting,

And able.

She knows who she is.

All Black Everything, Uncategorized

Mind+Body+Soul Monday: Black Women Control Food

In the Black community, whose food do we always relish over? That of our mothers, grandmothers, great-grandmothers, aunties, etc. Basically, a Black woman. As Black women, we are the soul creators of delicious food in our community. We do the grocery shopping, preparing and cooking. We have the health of our families in our hands. Never thought of it that way, did you?

As Black women, we prepare food without any thought of if it is going to benefit our families or not. We prepare it to feed our families and make sure that it tastes goods. As millennial Black women, we hope to have husbands who love our cooking as much as they do their mothers and grandmothers. What if I said that as Black women, we have the ability to keep our race alive and thriving? Hear me out.

We love the foods that are fried, fatty, salty, artery clogging and heart attack causing. I used to be one of those women. Going vegan, I have found and made many vegan versions of my mother’s recipes and even those of my favorite ethnic foods. I am an avid cook and have been since I was in grade school. I want to one day cook for my future husband the foods he loves, but in a way that will be beneficial to his health.

Black mothers pay no mind to what they feed their children as long as they are fed. If you love your children as much as you say you do, stop feeding them death, violence, abuse and disease. Everything a Black woman feeds her child(ren) and family, needs to be of nutrients, health, healing, and above all, from the earth. Black women, our ancestral women before slavery, did not feed what we feed our families today. In the tribes in Africa, they fed them food of the land with a side of a little fish.

We grew our own foods and picked our own foods to ensure great health and healing in our men who worked all day, and children who played and worked as well. We need to instill that of our heritage and history in our daughters so that when they grow older, they can do the same for their children and families, and so on.

Black women,  have the power to change the declining population of our people. We have the power to heal those who are sick and dying. We hold so much power. We give life after all, so why not elongate it? We can make a huge change in our community. There are so many resources and Pinterest is a huge win with me, where you can find vegan recipes for absolutely anything.

My final words, Black women, love your families by giving them food that will keep them alive.

Mind, Body and Soul,

Afro Hippie Vegan