My Life

5 Reasons I Won’t Be Buying A House in 2019

So, my biggest goal this year was to buy a house. I set this goal in the middle of last year. After talking to a friend who is a financial consultant and listening to the latest podcast on Experiencing Motherhood Single and Black, it seems that buying a house just isn’t logical right now. Here are a few reasons why:

  1. I haven’t saved enough money for a down payment. Yeah, I was banking on using my income tax, but at the same time, I have debts to pay and bills that are due now.
  2. I don’t have the money to furnish a house. Not only would I need a down payment, I would need money to buy the things that go inside the house.
  3. Maintenance costs, cost, which again, I don’t have the money for. In an apartment, maintenance is already covered in the rent. In a house, you’re on your own, even with home buyer’s insurance.
  4. My credit score isn’t where I want it to be. Yeah, it’s better than good enough to get a loan and a good interest rate, but my debt to income ratio is not at all appealing to lenders.
  5. I decided I really need to focus on paying off debts and not adding on debts. Two of my other goals for the year was is to pay off my CC and personal loan. I need to start with small milestones.

As you can see, clearly I am not ready to buy a home and I’m glad I hadn’t gone to view any homes or started the home buying process. Once I get my debts down and my income to debt ratio is better than superb, I will revisit this. Until then, I’ll be kicking debts ass.

My Life

No New Friends? Drake Got It Wrong

Raise your hand if you have the same friends you grew up with. Anyone? Yeah, you’re not alone. Many people can’t say that their childhood friends are still their friends, and those who can, well, they’re far and few in between. As we grow and mature (some of us anyway), so do our needs from friendships.

From my childhood, and I wouldn’t even say childhood, from high school, I still have one friend. As for best friends, well, don’t have them anymore. As I’ve gotten older and entered my 30s, I’ve realized that my needs have changed when it comes to friendships.

As kids, we just wanted friends to have someone to like us. As adults, we need loyalty, someone who can help us grow, a go-getter, someone on the same page as far as goals, basically someone who matches us or is at least a step ahead knnthe direction that we’re going. If this person can’t improve my life, there’s no need for them to be there, and vice versa.

This too reigns true for romantic relationships. Forget bringing something to the table, if we both can’t be the damn table, it’s not going to work. I don’t work off of 50-50. It’s 100-100. Period.

I’ve also noticed that my reasons for old friendships still baffle me. Some people that I used to be friends with, for the life of me I can’t remember why. Do you remember why you were friends with someone you’re no longer friend with? Don’t worry, I’ll wait (not really, but you can post your response in the comments).

How has your requirements for friends changed? Do you still have some of the same friends from your childhood?

My Life

10 Things I’m Leaving Behind in 2018

Thinking back on all that 2018 has brought me, good and bad, there are some things that I want to leave behind.

  1. Letting people and there toxicity effect me. Too often do I continue to give people chances whether they be friends or family, and I have to stop that. It doesn’t matter who you are, your toxicity is no longer welcome and is not conducive to my wellbeing.
  2. Anger from past hurt. I’ve been hurt more times than I can count, and I have continued to hang on to it. The problem with that is I believe it effects my thinking, my emotions, and being an effective communicator. When someone upsets me, the first emotion I go to is anger and my reaction comes off that way. What I want to try is breathing before responding. Let the anger have a chance to come and then dissipate.
  3. Thinking that I will always fail in everything I do, that I can’t succeed. This is why I often start something and then quit. If I don’t see immediate results, what’s the point? This pertains to exercising to lose weight, eating habits, novels, my blog, youtube, past jobs, relationships. I tend to never stick with something because I’m always thinking about the little failures, which honestly could be leading up to huge success. Motherhood is the onot thing that I can’t quit, even if I feel like I may fail him at times, it’s not optional.
  4. Negative self thoughts tend to control every move I make, especially when it comes to dealing with men. It’s sad that when a man flirts with me, I don’t see him as flirting because I’m thinking, “Who would want to flirt with me?” I’m sure I’ve passed up potential future husbands over this past year and because of my negative thoughts about myself, they just moved on. I have to do better with how I view myself. Hopefully therapy will work.
  5. Feeling sorry for myself is probably the most detrimental thing to my mental and emotional health. As someone who can’t stand when a person feels sorry for themselves, I have often felt that way and it’s not okay. Why should I pity myself? I have a lot going for myself to just be sitting there wallowing in my own sorrows. Girl, good-fucking-bye. Brush the shit off and keep it moving.
  6. Keeping thoughts and emotions to myself has been so easy, but it’s just building inside me. I am going to quit that bad habit and start opening up to people when they do or say something that they shouldn’t. I too often let things slide but not anymore. I will no longer let others have control over my mental and emotional health.
  7. Laziness comes and goes depending on what the task is. I want to leave this behind because laziness in one area of my life, can trickle over into other areas and being a mom, you really don’t have time to be lazy. I’ve been lazy with my blog, publishing material that really wasn’t thought out or planned. I just posted something just to post it, and this goes for social media too. I’ve had days where I stayed in bed all day and did nothing but watch Malakhai play, when we could’ve been out and about, playing at a park or MyGym. I’ve been too lazy to record, edit and post videos, frequently telling myself I’ll do it the next day, and the next day, and the next day until finally, it doesn’t happen. Laziness, be gone.
  8. I tend to listen to a lot of ratchet music, and when I say a lot, I mean a lot. I especially listen to it in the car on my way to work, which I shouldn’t because I find ratchet music doesn’t put me in the best of moods. I also listen to it with Malakhai in the car and that will no longer happen. I’m leaving all that ratchetness, well most of it, not all, in 2018, and focus more on listening to podcasts in the car. I find that podcasts are extremely helpful. (I’ll be doing a separate post about my favorite podcasts.)
  9. Masturbating has taken a toll on me. When orgasming, you lose pieces of yourself. If you ever notice it’s like this energy washes over you and then disappears. I’ve been celibate from actual sex for 6 months and I want to be completely celibate. So, I’m leaving masturbating behind. If I give too much of myself to myself, what will I give my future husband?
  10. Finally, I’m leaving behind everything else that needs to stay in 2018. There’s so many things that I just want to leave and will be left. This month I’ll be focusing on getting rid of things in my home that no longer has value to me. I feel like holding on to things year after year is just letting the past keep its hold on you. I want to wrangle out of its grasps and move forward with my life.

What are some things you are leaving behind in 2018?

My Life

Goals for 2019

1. Buy a house

2. Stay consistent

3. Get out more

4. Stick to a $0 based budget

5. Plan in my planner for my quarterly goals

6. Lose 30 lbs

7. Pay down debt

8. Be more open to a friendship with a male

9. Execute all projects that are planned for the year

10. Work full time for myself

11. Travel at least once in or out of country

12. Work on my mental health – therapy

13. Let go of things that I can’t change

14. Save money for my emergency fund

15. Journal everyday

16. Exercise at least 3 times a week

17. Grow my mom tribe

18. Build self confidence

19. Fall deeper in love with myself

20. Be an amazing mother in all the things that I do

21. Read a book a month

My Life

Holiday Season

So today is Christmas Day and even though I’m not a celebratory person, I still get with family and enjoy their company. This will be the first holiday season for my son and my family is super excited about giving him gifts. I on the other hand, not so much.

We live in 661 sq ft and there’s barely room for us both, so lots of toys and clothes will take us to the rim. Trying to dictate (only word I can think of) on what to get him hasn’t faired well. So, I digressed.

I bought him a few things, which you can see here.

Having these next two weeks off is going to be great because I get to wake up and lay and bed with my mini each and every morning. I also get to spend time with him. I’m also going to be working my side hustle to save up money for a deep cleaning at the dentist and court fees.

How do you celebrate the holidays?

My Life

What’s Happening in 2019

The new year is upon us and already I have started working on some big things that will be executed in the new year. I am also making some life changes beginning in January. Here are a few changes and things I am working on.

  1. I will begin counseling in January. I say January because that’s when my new insurance plans becomes effective. Therapy is something that I should’ve been started, but being that I am on a financial journey, I cannot afford therapy. With the new insurance plan, I receive several free sessions per issue, and I have plenty of issues.
  2. I have a huge project that I have been working on that may premiere mid-spring. It has been a long time coming and I am super excited about it. I won’t reveal what it us yet until mid-January to early-February. Don’t want to jump the gun and it doesn’t come out when expected.
  3. I haven’t had motivation nor the energy to practice yoga, but that is a part of my life that means a lot. Yoga has always been a love of mine and since giving birth, I have let it fall by the wayside. I don’t want to become a yoga teacher or this Instagram yoga chick. I want to improve my practice and really learn to meditate.
  4. I am letting go of all negative people, including my son’s father. I don’t have time for his shit anymore. I will be doing me like I have been and rejecting all negative vibes from him. Neither I nor my son need that. 
  5. Of course I plan to continue my debt free journey and my payments begin in January for my student loans. I have been putting them off for far too long (7 years to be exact). I could kick myself. Had I stuck with paying them like I initially was, I would be student loan debt free by now. You live and you learn.
  6. Mommy meetups are a must. I am thinking of joining MyGym with Malakhai in order to meet more moms and for him to have more friends. I think that will be good for the both of us.
  7. Consistency is my biggest struggle, as well as commitment. I will strive to be more consistent with YouTube, my blog, going live on IG, and all other ventures that I am involved in when it comes to growing my entrepreneurial dream.

As of right now, that is all I have planned for 2019. In my last post of the year, it is a more in depth look at what I have coming. So be on the look out for that post on December 31.

What do you have coming up in the new year?

My Life

30 Blogs in 30 Days…Completed

I can’t believe it! I wrote and posted 30 blogs for the entire month of November!!!!! Woooohoooo!! And it sucks because I’m in bed. I took off work because I was vomiting all morning (meal prep spoiled). Clearly I need to eat meals that may spoil, earlier in the week than later.

Anyway, I can’t believe I put myself to a challenge. I have another challenge that I’m going to work on for the month of December: 31 videos in 31 days. You read that right. My plan is to record, edit and upload 31 videos for the month of December, to my YouTube channel. So that means I have to start tomorrow right? Right!

This will be a little more challenging because it requires more effort and work than writing blog posts. I can knock out and schedule blog posts like I have been (except for this one, which I am currently writing and about to publish.

Do you think I can do it? I accept this challenge and I’m going in with confidence and excitement. Let’s knock out the rest of 2018 with a bang.

My Life

I’m Back YouTube!!

I took a long (initially permanent) vacay from YouTube but now I’m back!! I’m back for several reasons but I’m only going to explain a few.

1. Editing. Shockingly, I miss editing videos in iMovie. IGTV wasn’t cutting it for me because you couldn’t really edit videos and you could only upload a video in IG story format (like the video had to be the length of the screen basically (I forget what it’s called)).

2. Length. With IGTV, you’re limited to only ten minutes. Sometimes my topics go over ten minutes and I really don’t want to make two or more videos to fully explain my topic. I’d prefer making one video, no matter how long it is.

3. Monetization. It seems shallow but it’s true. I do want the monetization feature. Though I don’t have 1,000 subscribers nor do I have 4,000 watch time minutes, I will get there. I aim for YouTube to be a side hustle turned part time gig on side of blogging. I want to be able to work from home doing something that I love.

4. I just like it. I’ve been gone for so long and you know how people say, “Absence makes the heart grow fonder?” It’s one of those type of ordeals. I’ve been away from uploading for months and now I miss it.

So, with that being said, I’m back!!

My Life, Vegan Mommy Things

Daycare

Today my son started daycare. He was supposed tos tart awhile ago, but I wasn’t ready. I never wanted him to go to daycare, but he needs social skills now that he’s getting older. He’s becoming more mobile and talkative (baby talk that is). Luckily, his daycare is owned by a friend of the family (it’s a long story but there’s much history).

My mom drops him off and picks him up since I work late and have to be at work early. I also work clear across town, so her doing that for me helps a ton.

He had a good time and I received a great report. He refused to eat his baby food, only drank the breast milk. He just doesn’t like food which is fine by me. He gets all he needs from me anyway.

Today was only the first day so I’m not exactly sire how to feel just yet. Of course, I was a nervous wreck all day, but he adjusted fairly quickly. Actually, there weren’t any adjustments for him. He took to the daycare owner very well.

How did you feel about your child(ren) attending daycare for the first time? Any tips to combat this “mommy worry?”

My Life

I’m a YouTuber

Well, kind of. I quit YouTube a while ago and it was for necessary reasons. Many of my followers are on IG and it seemed better that since IGTV came out, I’d just upload videos there. Now, I’m highly considering going back to YouTube and doing IGTV.

Youtube allows me to edit videos and upload videos longer than 10 minutes. IGTV has too many restrictions for me and sometimes I ramble for 10 minutes before I even get to the good stuff (not really, it just sounded like I should say that).

So if you haven’t subscribed to my YouTube, click on the “videos” tab in the menu. I’m thinking I’ll have a video up by the weekend or over the weekend. Maybe even the beginning of next week. Who knows?

My Life, Vegan Mommy Things

Don’t Complain if You aren’t Doing Anything to Change

It’s thanksgiving break and all I can think about ishow happy I am to be at home and not at work. The only thing I’m happy about in my life right now is being a mom to my son. 

I don’t hate my job. I love my job, but it doesn’t make me happy. I’m tired of living in this apartment, throwing money away towards something I’ll never own ($1000 a month). 

I’m not happy that I haven’t been writing another novel, or finishing one I’ve already started. It’s just maddening how quickly I’ve lost motivation to continue writing novels. My last novel was published in 2016: two years ago! I’ve started several since then, but I haven’t even made it halfway through one. 

I thought of writing a novel based on my life, but have I sat down to write it? No. 

I’m unhappy with my postpartum body, and I go back and forth between loving it and not even wanting to look in the mirror.

I think about all of these things that I’m not happy about and how I’ve not done a single thing to change my circumstances. So how can I even complain?

My point is, and I should take this advice myself, don’t complain about your circumstances and not being happy if you aren’t doing anything about them. 

Don’t be like me and say I’m going to start making changes tomorrow or the next day, or the next day. Do it today. Do what makes you happy, but first, find happiness from within.

My Life, Vegan Mommy Things

Before Work Routine

  1. Wake up @ 4:30 am.
  2. Take a shower.
  3. Brush my teeth.
  4. Get dressed.
  5. Put coconut milk on to boil for my oatmeal.
  6. Pack up everything in my wagon.
  7. Put oatmeal in the pot.
  8. Fill up gallon water bottle.
  9. Pour oatmeal and toppings in a bowl.
  10. Wake up Malakhai.
  11. Change his diaper.
  12. Lotion him up.
  13. Nurse him.
  14. Bundle him up (weather is crazy cold right now)
  15. Strap him to me in his carrier.
  16. Turn alarm off and then back on.
  17. Load the car. 
  18. Head to my mom’s house to drop off Malakhai. 
  19. Head to work.
  20. Pump before school starts.
My Life, Vegan Mommy Things

After Work Checklist

1. Pick up Khai.

2. Nurse Khai.

3. Take him home.

4. Unload everything in the wagon and bring him in the carrier.

5. Spend time with Khai (watch his fave shows, play with toys, read a bedtime story.)

6. Bathe Khai.

7. Nurse Khai to sleep.

8. Change Vick’s pad in humidifier.

9. Shower.

10. Sterilize breast pump parts and then repack in work breast pump bag.

11. Layout clothes for tomorrow.

12. Clean kitchen.

13. Clean up bedroom.

14. Eat dinner.

15. Me time (journal, yoga, read, drink tea or golden milk, budget planner, catch up on YouTube videos, watch a show on the fire stick,  meditate)

16. Say a prayer over Khai, then myself.

17. Tie hair up, wash face, brush teeth.

18. Turnoff all lights.

19. Recheck everything is ready for in the morning and turn alarm on.

20. Go to bed.

My Life

The World’s Greatest

Sometimes I sit back and think about where my life is and when I am going to get to where I want to be. I seem to not be able to appreciate where I am currently because this wasn’t what I saw when I saw my future.

So many people say, “Be grateful for where you are and what you have because not everybody can.” That sounds great, but can’t I for a second think about what I wanted my life to be like? Why is it so wrong to not be fully happy with all of the decisions I’ve made to land me where I am?

I think the only thing I’m happy about is my son. I’ve always said I wanted my first child at 30 and here I am, proof that you can speak things into existence. I knew that if I didn’t have my first child by 30, I would never have any kids. Now did I plan this, absolutely not. This wasn’t how I saw me having my first child, out of a committed relationship, but it is what it is.

My career was supposed to be me being a best-selling author or award-winning chef. Did I get either? No, but I am a self-proclaimed chef and I’m also an author. I became both of those things without the accolades and that’s okay. They will come. I’m claiming them both. I could be an award-winning chef with a best-selling recipe book next year. Don’t know what the future holds.

Definitely thought I’d have a house by now. I’m not sure why I set a timeline for things in my life, I just did and it’s crazy. I wanted all of the aforementioned before 30. I always wanted to be apart of that “30 Under 30” because it sounded cool, not realizing there were things I should’ve been doing in my early 20s to get there. The house is definitely on the horizon as soon as I get my finances straight.

Traveling has always been at the top of my list and even though I haven’t been to any of the places that I want to go, I know that I will go to these places. With hard work, dedication and severe budgeting, I will be a world traveler with my mini.

What are some things that you thought you would have or places you thought you would be by a certain age?

My Life, Vegan Mommy Things

Bitter Baby Mama

There’s this notion that all single mom’s are bitter. This stems from people assuming we are mad because we can’t be with the father of our child(ren) or we are made that they don’t want us. Speaking for me and me only, both are false.

I am in no way bitter about anything, but me wanting my son and his father to have a relationship and me being passionate about it, comes off as being bitter. I didn’t, and still don’t, have a relationship with my father and I don’t want that for my son.

I think, and don’t quote me on this, most men who are on child support, are on child support because they aren’t financially helping the mother of their child(ren) take care of their child(ren). Because women are mainly the ones giving care to the child, men don’t see how expensive it can be to do it alone. They want to say we just want to take their money or we are trying to live off of them, when that it most certainly not the case.

Can I financially take care of my child on my own? Absolutely, but that doesn’t mean I should have to, being that I didn’t get pregnant by myself.

My son is breastfed so in order for him to eat, I have to eat. I wash his clothes everyday since he has to be in cloth diapers. That’s water and electricity being used every single day. He has to bathe, right? That’s water again. Then, I have to be able to get him to my moms house and be able to get to work to afford a rough over our heads. That’s gas. He also has to have his booty wiped, his skin cleaned and conditioned, and his hair done. Then there’s toys and clothes.

See how that can get expensive? Then you have a man who doesn’t want to help financially, and thinks that all that’s important and being a good father is sololey just spending time with a child. No, dead wrong. A child needs emotional, physical, mental, and financial support.

As mothers, we want what is best for our children. We are natural born nurturers, whereas men, they just aren’t. I will spend my last dollar on my child for whatever he needs and wants, but I shouldn’t have to.

Next time you want to call the mother of your child(ren) bitter, don’t. Ask her what she needs and how you can help. Make her life easier, not harder. I can guarantee a myriad of men wouldn’t be on child support if they took the time out to sit down with the mother and laid out all expenses to see where he can contribute. All it takes is a conversation.

Now the flipside is there are many women who are bitter and vindictive towards the father, and do file child support to get back at him. What this does is make other women who file for financial reasons only, look like they’re bitter and vindictive.

Mamas, if he doesn’t want you, he doesn’t want you. Let that man and those feelings go. Worry about your child(ren) and your child(ren) only. You can’t be worrying about this man who not only doesn’t want you, but doesn’t want to be a father. Don’t battle with him. There’s a man out there who is going to love you and your child(ren) like his own. I’ve witnessed it numerous times.

What are your thoughts on the term “bitter baby mama?”

My Life, Vegan Mommy Things

“I Ain’t Ever Scared…”

Of course about 5 months ago I didn’t have this mindset. I was scared shitless. I had spent two months at my mom’s house  after having my son, and I had had so much help between my mom and my stepdad. It was then finally time for me to go home. I was petrified at the thought of it just being me and Malakhai,

I wonder if I could do everything I was doing on my own, without the safety net of having someone there 24/7. Granted, they only live five minutes away, but I would be home…alone…with my child. How could I not be scared? What if something had happened? What if I messed up? What if he didn’t like me anymore because he was so (and still very much is) attached to my mom?

As you can see, a lot was going through my head back then. Now here we are, striving and thriving. We’ve settled in to a routine, I’ve become accustomed to it not just being me, and motherhood is suiting me well might I add. We play, he naps, I clean, he messes up a diaper, he nurses, we play, I clean, and it just continues, but I must say, it’s never boring. With Malakhai, there’s never a dull moment.

Sometimes I wonder how I could I be so scared of someone so precious and small that my body knew how to create? This little human loves me, he wants to always be around me and on me. How could I be scared of him? Not only that, I love him to pieces, a love that I never knew existed until I felt him kick, and then saw his face.

I say all of this to say mamas, it gets better, easier and less terrifying. What was/is something you are/were scared of when it came/comes to your child(ren)?

My Life, Vegan Mommy Things

Bedtime with Khai

Each night, I make it my mission to ensure Khai gets an excellent night’s slumber. I give him a bath in his new tub. He’s in a big boy tub now (cue the water works). I bathe him, wash his hair, let the water out and then fill it with clean water up to his waist. I let him play with his toys and I stand back and admire how much he has grown in the past six months.

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When we’re all done, I pat him dry. His hair is so curly and silky, that I have to make sure it stays healthy, as well as his scalp. I use either mineral oil or grapeseed oil in his hair. I rake it through with my fingers and then comb small sections at a time. Next, I lotion him up and put his footie pjs on. He either sleeps in a silk bonnet or one of his hats so his pores can close.

 

Now is my favorite part: bedtime stories. He loves for me to read to him, especially The Very Hungry Caterpillar by Eric Carle. I think he likes all of the colors and my animated voices.

By story’s end, he’s sleepy. I lay him down to nurse until he falls asleep. Once he’s sound asleep, it’s me time. I tend to clean up from his bath time and clean whatever else I need to. I also spend this time writing and scheduling blogs, journaling, meditating, taking long baths, or reading. Bedtime for Khai is usually around 7 o’clock, so I start getting him ready for a bath around 6 or 6:30. During the time from when I get off work until bath time, we are playing, watching Puppy Dog Pals, or singing.

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What is your night time routine with your little one(s)?

xoxo Moniqua LaShae and Malakhai Lee

My Life

“Never give up, it’s such a wonderful life…”

Relationships end. That’s just how life goes. I feel like since I’ve turned 30, I’ve developed more of a “fuck it” attitude towards a myriad of things. Whether it be people or things, my tolerance level for “fuck shit” is nonexistent.

My life is amazing right now, and I honestly could not be happier (well, I kind of could but that’s beside the point). My son is healthy and thriving, hitting many milestones early. We’ve been spending every free moment together and there are so many more moments to come. The pumpkin patch last Saturday was absolutely joyous and it was a beautiful day outside.

I’m working on my health and the betterment of my livelihood. I’m not necessarily trying to lose weight, but I am trying to build my immune system and keep my stamina and energy up. My skin is clear and my head is even clearer when it comes to many things.

The relationship between my son’s father and I is getting better. We have actually been having civilized conversations. Are we friends? Of course not, but we are cordial for the sake of our child. That’s all that needs to happen: we have to be able to be a united front when it comes to Malakhai and his well being.

My family is stronger than ever, and I feel like the birth of my son brought us closer. As a single mom, and even as a married or in-a-relationship mom, it truly takes a village to raise children, and my village is built Ford tough (see what I did there? You’ll only get it if you live in Texas).

Work is work. I love teaching wholeheartedly, but I think it’s getting close to time to move elsewhere within the education system. I am working on some things behind the scenes that I am not quite ready to share yet, but I will soon. Sometime next year.

My bills are paid, my son is fed, there’s food in my fridge, we have clothes on our backs, and we are living life. So to those of you, and you know damn well who you are specifically, don’t try to ruin my joy with your bitterness and misery. My life is good, live yours and stay out of mine with your negativity. We are grown now and that childishness, you can miss me with that. It’s true that misery needs and loves company, but I’d rather stay to myself and be joyful and happy.

See, I’ve dealt with negativity from people for so long, from friends to even more so, family, but no longer. I have goals that I am trying to reach and anyone who knows what it’s like to be goal-oriented, knows that negative people will only bring you down and prolong reaching your success. I can see the peak of the mountain, and no one will be an obstacle on my way up. Stay at the bottom if you cannot be a positive rock in my life.

I say all this to say that, not everyone is going to be for you when it comes to your goals and being successful in whatever it is you are doing. Ctrl + Alt + del them with a quickness.

xoxo Moniqua Lashae

My Life, Vegan Mommy Things

Old Time Christmas Tree Farm

This past Saturday, I took Malakhai to the pumpkin patch and as you can see below, we had a grand ol’ time. He loved touching the pumpkins and pulling up the hay.

It was $5 to get in, and they had numerous activities to do such as a hay ride, vendors to eat or buy things from, as well as thugs for kids to do. Of course, Malakhai is too young for much of the activities, but I did think the hay ride would be fine, however, I brought his stroller I’m not thinking, and there was no way I was going to be able to get it up on the car.

They also grow Christmas trees, so if you need a Christmas tree, you are more than welcome to purchase one, but you do have to cut it down yourself.

The farm is located in Spring, Texas off of Spring Cypress Rd.

All in all, it was a successful and well spent day with my baby love. Do you go to the pumpkin patch during pumpkin season?

My Life

Chapter 30: Time for a New Book (Part 1)

So, today marks the end of my 20s. My how time flies. At 30, I never imagined my life being the way that it is, I never imagined any of it. And not to mean that in a bad way, but I never thought I would grow from this broken, bitter, mean, heartless, damaged, emotionally scarred little girl, to the adult I am today. Let’s recap some of the lessons I’ve learned in my 30 years around the sun.

1. Sexual abuse doesn’t define me. Yes, it happened to me, but it was no fault of my own. I know now that that other person has to live with that for the rest of his life.

2. Just because you’ve been friends with someone since childhood, doesn’t mean that you won’t outgrow them. It’s okay to move on from something that was good for that period of time. If something no longer serves you, let it go.

3. Heartache is something that will never go away. Whether it be from romantic relationships, dismantled friendships, or the devastation of the actions of family. Heartache isn’t one size fits all and doesn’t come from one source.

4. I didn’t get to travel like I thought I would in my 20s, but that’s okay. They world will still be here tomorrow (unless The Lying, Abusing Cheeto gets us all blown up).

5. Single motherhood is not the worst thing in the world. It’s not even bad. It’s one of the best roles I have taken on so far, and I am proud as to how well I adjusted. I was terrified to be a mother, much more a single mother. This stigma of being a single mother is something I’ve always strayed away from and turned my nose up at, even though my mother was a single mother. But now that I’m on this side of it, my eyes have opened to the many reasons as to how a woman becomes a single parent.

6. I’ve struggled for years with my weight and body image. I’ve always had this negative mindset when it came to my looks. My nose was too big (yes, people made fun of me), my boobs were huge, I had small teeth, my stomach stuck out (I used to tie a scarf right around my stomach after sucking it in. One day someone called me out on it and I was totally embarrassed), my pants flooded, my shoes came from Payless, etc. But I digress. All of these things don’t matter now and didn’t matter then. I was fine with who I was until someone pointed out what they felt were flaws.  I love me and all that I am and all that I used to be.

7. College was my wild years. Lots of sex and alcohol, but no pregnancy or STDs. I was a carefree student my freshman year, doing everything I should, while still holding a 3.0 GPA (I swear idk how I managed that when I was drunk Thursday-Sunday). I am proud of my college years simply because now, I don’t have to wonder, “What if…?” I had the time of my life and now it’s all behind me. I see many women my age with children, doing what I was doing in college.

8. I accomplished my dream of becoming a published author. I have published several books and I think I have one or two more in me. I let being a mom be my excuse as to why I haven’t written, but as I’m typing this blog post, I could be writing. Boo is asleep and has been for over an hour.

9. I always said I wanted to be a writer, but I never was specific about the kind of writer. Now, I’m an author, blogger, content creator, ghostwriter, editor and writing teacher! All of these titles make me happy and are more than I could’ve ever asked for. To be in this space is something I never really took a step back to realize I made my dreams come true.

10. I could’ve still been a writer and gotten a degree without all of the money I spent at a four year university. I could gotten an associates at a community college for a fourth of the price. I didn’t have the resources then, but I do now for when Boo gets older, if he decides to take the college route.

11. Growing up, I wasn’t too thrilled with how I was raised and because of that, it has affected certain areas of my life, especially when it comes to relationships with others. My mom did the best she could with the hand she was dealt, but I’m doing things differently. I want more for my life and for my son. My mom was and still is amazing, but times have changed and it’s a new era and style of parenting. I don’t want to continue to repeat the cycle.

12. Health is clearly something that I’ve always been interested in and something that I know I’m meant to be working in, I just don’t know what or how. I’m high school, I was extremely active with the dance team, chose health as my area of study my senior year, and I decided on researching and completing a project one type II diabetes in children. I even wanted to be a dietician. Where the interest died, I have no idea. What I do know is that I can still pursue that dream.

13. I had big dreams growing up. I always wanted to be famous for writing a screenplay or ghostwriting a song for a hit artist. I didn’t care about the money, just the fame. Clearly, life didn’t happen like that and I think it didn’t happen for a reason. What reason? Beats me. Now I spend my days working as an educator, having kids fall in love with writing. I can still leave my mark on the world with my words, just in a different capacity.

14. Money is the root of all devil depending on how you use it. I will admit that I struggle with mananging money and always have. I even took a money managing class in high school and still ended up drowning in debt. When I got my first job in high school, I always spent my money on frivolous things. My mom always told me to save, but never how. When I got my first job in college, I should’ve been paying my student loans back with it, but instead, I got a car. When I got a refund check for an entire year of school, instead of paying it back to the bank, I paid off my car. I got a credit card and maxed it out right out of college. I got another and maxed it out. I got a personal loan that ended up in collections. I got another car that I put too much money in to be fixed. I got another credit card and maxed it out. I got another personal loan and credit card that may end up in collections. What did I learn? If I can’t afford to pay it out of my own money, then dammit I can’t afford it. A lesson that is still being learned.

 

My Life

Birthday Blues

Tomorrow is my 30th birthday and I have no idea what I’m going to do. Earlier in the year I had planned to go to Mexico and even got Boo’s passport once he was born. Now, I’m not so sure. It’s too late to plan a trip, though I could take a day trip to Austin.

I’ve always thought about what I would do for my 30th birthday day, and now that it is here, nothing. I am going out to eat a restaurant, but aside from that, I’m not so sure. I’ve never been the one to celebrate birthdays unless it was a special one, and this is a special one.

It doesn’t even feel like I’m turning 30, just like another birthday. I see people who have these huge celebrations for their 30th, but I’m not a party person. Haven’t been since college. Now that I’m a mom, I’m even more so not a party person. Do people really have parties anymore at my age?

What did you do for your 30th celebration?

My Life, Vegan Mommy Things

Dating as a Single Mom and Dirty 30

With my 30th birthday expeditiously approaching (it’s in 6 days), I’ve been thinking about being a single mother and dating. I’m not opposed to dating, I just am loving the space I’m in at this moment. But when it comes to dating, here are a few things I need the potential suitor to know:

1. Can’t have me without my son. Period. We go together like peanut butter and jelly, macaroni and cheese, beans and rice, guacamole and tortilla chips, Mickey and Minnie. Catch my drift? There’s no me without him. You want to be with me, he comes with it. A combo meal.

2. Malakhai will always come first, no matter the situation. He is my number one and only priority at the moment. Should we get married, he’d still be number one, but you would then be a priority as well. I will always, first and foremost, be a mother, above all else.

3. I’m pushing 30 (again, in 6 freaking days, damn I’m old), so all the games and FWB and childish shit can miss me. I’m looking to get married, not waste time. What kind of mother would I be to just be hanging out with a man with no intentions of marrying him?

4. My son doesn’t need a father, he already has one. To whomever I shall date, you need to be a role model, a friend, someone my son can talk to. Stepdads play an important role in a child’s life and I was blessed to have two that loved me dearly. Granted my biological father was nowhere in sight, these two men stepped in and did what he should’ve done. Now when it comes to my son, he needs someone to look up to who can teach him things that not I nor his father can.

5. I pay a good $2000+ in bills per month, so “wyd” texts won’t cut it. I’m not looking for handouts or anyone to pay my bills, but I pay too much per month to be entertaining someone who can’t tell me to get dressed because we’re going out just because. Woe me. Date me. Show me that I’m not sitting at the table alone.

6. I’m an upfront kind of person and I don’t like to beat around the bush. I would expect to be treated the same. From the jump, tell me what you’re intentions are with me. I don’t believe in leading someone on until you get what you want and then leaving. If sex is what you’re looking for, I’m not the one. Like I said before, I don’t need friends. I have all the friends I need.

7. I made a vow that after I had my son, shop would be closed, meaning, no sex, and it’s not up for discussion. I’ve made this vow numerous times even before sleeping with my son’s father. I’m scared to get pregnant again in a noncommittef relationship. Also, should we eventually get to the point of thinking about sex, a full STD check with be required. I know someone who has been an inspiration to me, just let it be known that she has HIV. I’m not playing with my life. So I’m short, sex is off the table.

8. When I’m not being a homebody, I like going to low key places like the park, library, museum, cafes, black owned businesses, vegan restaurants, and just places with an intimate setting. Now of course as Malakhai gets older, children friendly places will be required. I don’t want to meet you at a bar (I don’t drink) or go to the club or lounge. I need you to understand I’m an introvert and I don’t like being around a bunch of people with varying energies.

9. Our families must like each other and they must like us. Family is important to me and it’s important that who I’m dating gets along with my family and vice versa.

10. I’m not dead set on if I want more kids, but doesn’t mean I’m opposed to it either. I feel like my son is enough for me and idk if I want to be pregnant again. It’s not that my pregnancy was hard or the birth, I just don’t think more kids are in the cards right now, but you never know.

11. Ambition and creativity go a long way. I am a content creator both in social media and my blog. My blog is like my second child who I often neglect (don’t call CPS on me). I want us to be able to share passions. I think two creative people can come together and make something magical.

12. Family outings are a must. When dating, it can’t just always be us. Now it will for a while before I’m ready for you to meet my son, but once he’s in the picture, most dates need to be all of us. I hate being away from him and he hates being away from me.

These are just the basics and of course there’s more, but what I need to men to see is that when dating a single mother, you have to be on your P’s and Q’s. We already have a lot going on keeping a child’s love boy ourselves, we don’t need the added stress.

As a single mother, what are some of y’alls dating rules?

My Life

Hello September…

It’s September and I couldn’t be more excited. My birthday is right around the corner. I’m still in the works of planning my bday but I think I’m going to book a local air bnb. Of course Malakhai will be with me. Can’t leave him out of my festivities.

I’ve finally accepted that I have some form of PPD and I have been talking to someone about it. I’ve been ignoring it and trying to make myself believe it was something else but it’s PPD and apparently, you can get it even when your child is an adult. Imagine that.

Last week I wrapped up my Boss Lady series and if you haven’t checked it out, click here. I will be beginning a new series either next month or in November, but I’ll be sure to keep you all posted.

I finished my first week of school (I’m a teacher) and I’m about to start the second week. Funny we have a three day weekend for Labor Day and next weekend will be another three day weekend. I’m wondering who I need to convince to make school four days a week instead of five because that extra day on the weekend is necessary.

Busgeting has been rough, especially for the month of August. I did not stick to the budget and went over in every category. However, I won’t dwell on the past. It’s a new month and that means I can start anew and try again. I’ve learned that with budgeting, it takes time. I can’t continue to beat myself up over the mistakes or going over in one or all categories. Also, I get my first check since coming off of my temporary leave of absence, tomorrow. So I’ll be setting up my budget based on that check for the next two weeks.

I’m renewing my lease in my apartment because I’ve decided it’s best I pay off my student loans before investing in a house. I also need to pay off that emergency personal loan I got over the summer to float me until I got paid. My budget was going so well and I budgeted from when I went on leave, up until now. Not sure where I went wrong, but I did mess up somewhere.

I’ve been making some goals that I want to seriously work towards, one being to pay off my student loans before 2021. It’s definitely feasible, but I need another side hustle, preferably one that brings in an extra $1,000 per month.

Malakhai is starting to try to roll over. He has the gist of it, he just needs to follow through. He’s getting so big now and it’s going faster than I’m ready for. He is definitely a mama’s boy.

Some of my goals for this month are:

• stick to the budget

• cut eating out to maybe 4 times this month

• meal plan every single week

• only but groceries that I’ll be eating that week

• limit my time on social media

• take Khai out more

• make a conscious effort to post at least two blog posts a week (this may be doable)

• be consistent with financial Friday’s and my money FB group

• make a schedule to post videos for IGTV

• workout (I’ve lost all motivation to lose this baby weight)

• go out at least two times to meet ups or take myself out

• better prepare my lessons each week and have materials ready for the week

• get better organized

I know this is a long list, but I do need to get better about a lot of these things.

What are some of your goals for September?

My Life

Fall is fast approaching!!

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It’s my favorite time of year and, yes I think I make this post every year, but I can’t help it. Fall is coming! That also means it’s pumpkin season. I’m an October baby so naturally I’m drawn and attracted to this time of year. I feel joyous and in my element. It’s also when I’m the most creative. I love the smell of cinnamon and pumpkin spice, leaves on the ground and sitting on my patio sipping tea.

I know I haven’t been on much and that’s because I have gone back to work. I started last Monday. School starts next Monday so I am doing the final touches on my classroom and getting ready to welcome the students back.

Fall reminds me of my childhood when all of my favorite movies came on Disney channel like Twitches and the Halloween Town quartet.

Though I live in Texas, we don’t typically wear fall wear until it gets closer to December and even then, it’s far and few in between. I remember this time last year I missed fall because I found out I was pregnant and was trying to adjust, also, Hurricane Harvey kind of swept in and damaged everything. I was also in the midst of packing to move into my new apartment. So it was all a blur.

This year, I vow to take in fall and all that it brings, though I’m sure it’s going to bring warm or scorching weather. There are no major hurricanes that are threatening to ruin yet another school year or fall, nine that I know of (🤞🏾).

Do you love fall? What’s your favorite part about it?

My Life

Fat, Ugly, and Single

 

 

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Well, I’m not really ugly, but being fat makes me feel that way. Now before anyone comes for me, yes, I know I just had a baby 3 months ago and it does take a while to drop the pudge, however, I lost all my baby weight and gained some back, and still gaining. Mother eff!!!!

I’ve been single for a number of years (I won’t disclose the number because it’s embarrassing). Many of those years were by choice because I was going through depression, self loathing, and financial hardships. Basically, ya girl was a hot ass mess. Still somewhat am a mess but not like before. Now with my postpartum body, I’m feeling depressed. Is this considered PPD?

Anyway, I currently lack motivation to consistently workout. I’ll go for 3 days and then stop for a week. Then do it again. It’s like a never ending cycle. I want to lose the weight before school starts and it’s doable. I have a whole 5 weeks before school starts and would love to lose 20 lbs. Is that doable? Beats me. I’ve never been on a weight lose journey and stuck to it so who knows?

Being single has its ups and downs. Some days I want someone to go out with and take my son  and be a family. Other days I’m good with just Khai and me. It flip flops. Do I get lonely? No, but I do miss male attention and affection.

I always feel inferior to these women on social media who have the kind of body I want. They’re not necessarily skinny but their bodies are my body goals, just I want my body to be on a bit of a larger scale. Basically I want everything to stay the same but have the tummy of these women. Yes, I know I shouldn’t be comparing myself to these women and that a man will love me the way I am, however, I’m not wanting this for a man. I want it for me. I want to feel good based off of looking good.

I’ve always had body issues and then I evenetually got over them. Now that I have a child, I’m back to those same insecurities and I know this weight is due to growing a mini me, but it’s also due to stress eating. My diet is the other part. Yes, I’m vegan but you can be a fat vegan and unhealthy. I eat all the processed foods that I shouldn’t eat and I don’t cook like I used to. However, I need to get back to doing that before school starts or I’m shit out of luck.

Going back to work and doing all that walking will help shed the weight, but I have to have the diet to match. Starting tomorrow, no soy, severely limited vegan alternatives (less processed and soy free), lots more veggies and fruits, more smoothies, more exercise (yoga especially), and more getting my body right for myself and to be around for Khai.

As for the single part, I used to think that if I looked like these women on social media, I’d no longer be single. But hell majority of the women I want to look like are single. These gorgeous, beautiful women are living their best life and single and they’re all in their early 30s like me (well I’m not actually in my 30s but I will be in October).

Before you say, “Oh you’re still young, take your time, don’t rush,” that’s all cool and I actually agree with you. I’m barely 30 and have a lot of living to do. Why should I let the longing for a relationship overpower what all I want to do? I want to show Khai the world and be an awesome mom and have my dream career. Now granted, yes I know you can do all of that and be in a relationship, but I want it to just be me and Khai for right now.

Will the feeling of wanting to be in a relationship go away? Not likely, but I’m learning to be okay with it. Will I look like those women on social media? Not likely, but I’ll continue working on falling in love with myself and wanting to look like myself. Do I consider myself drop dead gorgeous? On a good day, yes, but most times no. I do believe I’m beautiful in my own way and I know there’s a man who will love me just for that.

Do you have insecurities in your singleness? If so, what are they and how do you plan to overcome them?