My Life, Vegan Mommy Things

Death Becomes Me

I was never afraid to die until I had Malakhai. Now all I can’t hink about is what will happen if I’m not here? How will he survive? Granted I know the answers but I don’t want Malakhai to have to live in a world as a child without his mother. I never want to leave him but death is inevitable.

Of course, I have life insurance for the both of us so he’s taken care of, but even thinking about life insurance and last wills is disheartening, to think that Malakhai will have to eventually live without me.

I know we are all born to eventually die, but I always wonder why do we have to die? Why is there death? What’s the purpose of life if you’re only going to die? If I die, will I get to see my ancestors again? Will I be Malakhai’s guardian angel? So many questions that need answers, but no one to give them.

So I just sit and think about life right now and if I die today, will I leave this earth giving Malakhai the tools to succeed and will I leave a legacy and the answer to both is a terse “no”. So now, it’s high time I make a conscious effort to change all of that.

I will leave this earth with a legacy left behind in the hands of my son. He will know how to survive without clocking in somewhere.

How do you feel about death?

My Life

First Quarter Down, Three More to Go!

The place I’m in now, I never thought I could be here. So much has transpired since last Thursday that I don’t even know where to begin, so I’ll start from the beginning. First, my principal got promoted to principal of her graduating high school. That’s a huge deal and I’m extremely happy for her. To be able to be principal at a place you spent your last four years in grade school, is an amazing accomplishment.

My principal moving to a new school has inspired me to change my career path and get out of elementary teaching. I plan to take my journalism certification soon to teach journalism in grades 7-12. I graduated with a journalism major and I would love to be able to teach my craft. Fingers crossed!!

On last Saturday, my son’s father and I actually had a sit down conversation and are now somewhat on speaking terms. I still don’t care for him but at least this is one step closer to a co-parentship (he has a long way to go on his part).

Monday, I took my ESL certification exam. I was more prepared than I thought I would be. I should have my results sometime today, and I’ll be sure to post it across social media.

I wrote and finished two self-help books this week (it’s slring break so I had time). That’s a huge deal as well because I’ve never written a self-help nor had I ever intended to, but I got two done and was only supposed to write one.

My cookbook is coming to a close and the date has been pushed back to April. March felt a bit rushed and I’m a perfectionist so I had to push it back to add some finishing touches. I’m revamping the cover and doing something totally different. I’m also changing the name.

This first quarter has been nothing short of amazing and I can’t wait to see what this next quarter holds. How are you so far on your quarterly goals if you set any?

My Life

Spring Brings Change

So much has happened over the past couple of weeks and to be honest, some for the good, some for the worst. I won’t get into details, but one specific change that happened recently, made me reevaluate my career and what I want to do moving forward.

Since I started teaching, I really wanted to do something related to my degree and I’ve finally decided that I’m going to get my teaching certification in journalism, either in the middle or high school level. I love writing and I’ve loved teaching writing over the past couple of years, but now, I think it’s time to really use my skill set. I want to continue teaching but in a different area.

Should I be hired as a journalism teacher, I have somewhat of an idea of how I would set up my curriculum:

  1. The student’s grade would be based solely on their blog. In college, I took a social media aspects of journalism class, and out grades were based on our blog posts. We had to create a blog and our professor would give us assignments every week. I loved that class and I think it’d be awesome to recreate that in the classroom.
  2. My classroom would be solely technology based. With this, all updates, announcements, field trips, etc., would be posted to the class blog. It would basically be an online bulletin.
  3. Blog post topics would be based on whatever is hot in the news or on social media. The way to keep students engaged is to speak their language.
  4. I would demonstrate how to use social media responsibly, and how they can show their voice and be heard online.
  5. The focus of the class would be opinion pieces and it goes back to point 4: I want my students to be heard and feel like they have a voice.
  6. I would bring a lot of my expertise and passion to teaching journalism, for journalism has a special place in my heart.
  7. I would show the kids how to be reporters, how to conduct interviews, record and edit videos for their blog, and basically how to become even more tech savvy than they already are.

Though I haven’t even signed up for the test, my brain is working in overdrive on what I would do as a journalism teacher. I’ve been using teaching elementary as a safety net, but after recent events, it’s time to spread my wings and soar.

There’s nothing wrong with change, especially if it’s for the best and to better your life. Of course I will keep you all updated.

Has there been any changes in your life recently that coincides with the change did the season? Is there a change coming?

My Life, Vegan Mommy Things

Celibate 8+ Months

Single mom life can get pretty damn dry, Sahara Desert dry. I’m talking about sex. Being single is hard, being a mom isn’t hard, but not having sex is even harder. I miss the feel of a man and the way his hands would hold and caress me. The tender kisses. Our bodies rhythmically rubbing together as we make passionate love. I’m kidding; I’ve never made love before.

Being celibate was a choice I made for me and for my son. I don’t want my son to grow up seeing me with different men or always going out to get some play. I don’t want him to have this image of me or women in general that we’re hos. I also don’t want him to think that any penis comes before him.

So how am I getting through this dry spell you may be asking. Well, several things.

  1. My blog. I spend a great deal of time at night after Malakhai goes to sleep, creating content. Being a mom you really don’t have any free time unless the kid(dos) is/are asleep, and even then you are busy cleaning up and preparing for the next day.
  2. Projects. I just launched my meal planner and that was a huge ordeal for me, but not as huge as this cookbook coming out. A lot of time went into creating it and I’m still promoting it.
  3. Reading list. When I do find down time after he is asleep and I’ve already cleaned and everything else, I catch up on whatever book I’m reading. I’m currently reading “Born a Crime” by Trevor Noah.
  4. Malakhai. I spend every moment he’s awake playing with him, reading to him, and just giving him all of my attention. He keeps me so busy that I don’t have time to think of anything else. If breathing wasn’t so natural, I’d forget to do that.
  5. Budgeting. Budgeting each check takes sometime. And not only that, I also have to update my budget planner and spreadsheet. It’s a necessity so that I stay on track.
  6. Friends. I don’t get out much, but when I do, I enjoy myself. To have adult conversations and interactions outside of work, is worth it. I’m making an effort to do that more.
  7. Candy Crush and Toy Blast. I tend to play these games often to occupy my thoughts and also to train my problem solving and critical thinking skills.
  8. Clean. Having a child, I’m often doing laundry, meal prepping for him, picking up his toys and sanitizing everything. That’s a chore within itself.
  9. Journal. I haven’t done this much lately, but I do plan to get back into it. Journaling has helped me a lot over the years, and now that I’ve started counseling, I think they both will do me some good.
  10. Self discipline. More like willpower. I’ve taken into consideration that I have a lot going for me and going on. Sex is the furthest thing from my mind. A man in general. And that’s not to say I’m not interested or I’ll turn down anyone who approaches me; I’m just notnout actively searching for these things. I lay all of my own bills and I take care of my son, so I won’t settle for mediocre, average, or a quick lay. I owe myself and my son better than that.

If you’re celibate, how are you keeping your choice?

My Life

STRIKE! STRIKE! STRIKE!

I’ve been in education for the past 6 years and 4 of those years were spent in the classroom as a teacher. Everyone knows teachers are severely underpaid, but have the most important jobs. Without teachers, there’s no education. So this brings no surprise that teachers in certain parts of the country, are on strike.

We deal with heavy workloads (we aren’t body builders), unsupportive administration and parents, poor behaved children, state testing, sacrificing our families, sleepless nights, lack of resources, and to top it off, we have low wages. We are extremely overworked and underpaid/under appreciated, yet we still come to work and are beasts at our jobs. Often times, we have nothing to show for it.

In Texas, there is a march in the capitol on March 11, the first day of our spring break. I would attend, but I am taking my ESL certification test that day. It’s sad that when you have such an important job as a teacher, firefighter, policeperson, and any other underrated career, you go unnoticed and aren’t paid for the services you do for this country.

In Texas, the legislation is proposing that we receive a $5,000 raise, and I believe that is the least that can be done. If people only knew the half of what teachers go through on a daily basis, I think we would have more people advocating for us, and parents would cut us some slack. Our job is no easy feat, nor is it for the faint of heart.

Do you think teachers should receive a raise? Why it why not?

Health + Wellness, My Life

21 Reasons to be Happy and Why I’m Not

I’ve been unhappy for quite sometime now, and that’s okay. It’s okay to not be okay all the time. What’s not okay is to continue on this path and not do anything to change your emotional direction. I won’t go into specifics of what I’m not happy about, but let’s discuss why I should be happy.

  1. My son is healthy, thriving and hitting every milestone.
  2. I’m almost at my one year mark of breastfeeding.
  3. My Budget is finally working for me.
  4. Debt is dwindling.
  5. My tax refund is going to help me out a lot.
  6. My meal planner is coming out tomorrow! Wooohooo!
  7. I’m finally coming out with a cookbook sometime in March.
  8. My students are progressing significantly in writing.
  9. I’m not living paycheck to paycheck.
  10. I went to the doctor on January 21, and all of my results came back negative and/or normal. I have an absolute clean bill of health.
  11. I can afford to pay all of my bills.
  12. For once in my life, I have no bills that are late and I have nothing in collections.
  13. My son and I wake up every morning: alive and kicking,
  14. I’m finally going to start therapy.
  15. I’ve been able to let go of a lot of toxic people, and I’ve been able to recognize my own toxicity.
  16. I’ve been consistently practicing yoga.
  17. Drinking a falling of water a day has become increasingly attainable.
  18. My skin is clear and my bowels are regular.
  19. I’ve been cooking more and eating out less.
  20. I still have money in the bank from last check.
  21. There’s food in my pantry and fridge.

The list could go on, but with all of these positive things, I’m still unhappy. I’m excited to be starting therapy soon to be able to better understand this emotional turmoil I’m experiencing.

Have you ever felt unhappy despite everything in your life going perfectly well and it’s all positive? How did you cope with it? Did you ever get to the root of your unhappiness?

All Black Everything, Health + Wellness, My Life

God and Religion

I, like most other black millennials, was brought up in the church. I was told we had to go to church every Sunday for worship, and every Wednesday for bible study. I was told I had to be in the choir until I was 18 (church rule). I was told that I had to be baptized and asked numerous questions about Jesus Christ that all the answers had to be “yes.”

When I went off to college, I still went to church because I felt obligated to. Even after college because I was living at home, it wasn’t an option. If I lived at home, I had to go to church. Most Sunday’s, I’d sit at Starbucks until church was over. I didn’t belong to the same church as my mother (for that very reason. I didn’t want her checking up on me.). When when I moved out on my own, I would still sometimes go to church. That stopped 3 years ago.

Growing up, I always had questions about church and why things were just so. If you are a black millennial, or a black person of any age, more specifically a black womanizer, you were taught to be seen and not heard, meaning you question nothing. You sit there and question nothing. That didn’t work for me. I was quite the inquirer.

Growing up, anytime you asked question that went against what you parent said, you were always hit with the “becuase I said so.” That’s not the way to raise or teach a child: to just follow what someone else says. That’s why we are all in the rat race now, following what someone else says, doing what we are told and not thinking for ourselves.

When I would sit in church and listen to the pastor, I felt there were so many holes in their stories. For one, the day “Jesus” rose, changes every single year. Why? In the Bible, Jesus is described as having hair like wool, yet he has always been depicted as this tall white man woth blonde brown hair and blue eyes. There are these 10 commandments that we must follow, which I agree with all of them, but isn’t that more so common sense of things we shouldn’t do? Isn’t that something that is expected?

Jesus was born to a virgin. Be that as it may, why is it that woman cannot bare children today without a man? It’s said that when Adam ate the fruit from the tree, Eve was punished and that’s why women have periods and are made to carry and birth a child. So god punished female animals too, becuase if I’m not mistaken, some femal animals have periods, and they birth babies.

We are told that our bodies are temples. People worship in temples. So in essence, shouldn’t I worship where my body is? It’s also said that avid is within all of us. Doesn’t that make us all God? God is everywhere, so couldn’t I worship my God wherever I choose? So if God is wherever I am, then can’t I worship and pray at home? Is my own home not a temple?

I don’t believe in religion for several reasons. All of these religions apparently worship the same God, they just use a different name. So that leads me to believe religion is man made. Also, religions have these tiles of how things should go (rest on the sabbath, can’t eat certain foods, can’t indulge in too much of this or that, you have to worship this way, you have to come to church, you have to give tithes, etc.). Isn’t religion supposed to be about living a purposeful, righteous, fulfilled life, helping others and being an upstanding person? “Suppose” being the keyword.

I believe that God is within me, therefore, I am God. Do I feel people need to worship me? Absolutely not. Another thing, God created and brings forth life. Don’t women create and bring forth light? I believe in pantheism, in that God is everywhere and is everything that is good. I believe in my ancestors and praying to them for guidance to watch over Malakhai and me. I believe in the spirituality of my history.

I’m not willing to believe in something becuase someone else said so. Most Black millennials don’t attend church and here’s an article on that.

As for the Bible, I think it has good intentions, but much gets lost in translation. It’s like trying to directly translate from Spanish to English: it just doesn’t work.

I will teach Malakhai to believe in a higher power, and that he needs to live his life as a good black man. I want to teach him to have his own mind and beliefs. To know that there is always someone watching him and watching out for him to ensure his safety. If you don’t stand and believe in something, you’ll fall for anything.

I don’t knock anyone who is religious at all. I don’t think anything less of them. I love everyone, no matter their beliefs. I think that once we all find our purpose and live in it, we will lived and lead much happier, healthier, stress free lives.

My Life

5 Reasons I Won’t Be Buying A House in 2019

So, my biggest goal this year was to buy a house. I set this goal in the middle of last year. After talking to a friend who is a financial consultant and listening to the latest podcast on Experiencing Motherhood Single and Black, it seems that buying a house just isn’t logical right now. Here are a few reasons why:

  1. I haven’t saved enough money for a down payment. Yeah, I was banking on using my income tax, but at the same time, I have debts to pay and bills that are due now.
  2. I don’t have the money to furnish a house. Not only would I need a down payment, I would need money to buy the things that go inside the house.
  3. Maintenance costs, cost, which again, I don’t have the money for. In an apartment, maintenance is already covered in the rent. In a house, you’re on your own, even with home buyer’s insurance.
  4. My credit score isn’t where I want it to be. Yeah, it’s better than good enough to get a loan and a good interest rate, but my debt to income ratio is not at all appealing to lenders.
  5. I decided I really need to focus on paying off debts and not adding on debts. Two of my other goals for the year was is to pay off my CC and personal loan. I need to start with small milestones.

As you can see, clearly I am not ready to buy a home and I’m glad I hadn’t gone to view any homes or started the home buying process. Once I get my debts down and my income to debt ratio is better than superb, I will revisit this. Until then, I’ll be kicking debts ass.

My Life

No New Friends? Drake Got It Wrong

Raise your hand if you have the same friends you grew up with. Anyone? Yeah, you’re not alone. Many people can’t say that their childhood friends are still their friends, and those who can, well, they’re far and few in between. As we grow and mature (some of us anyway), so do our needs from friendships.

From my childhood, and I wouldn’t even say childhood, from high school, I still have one friend. As for best friends, well, don’t have them anymore. As I’ve gotten older and entered my 30s, I’ve realized that my needs have changed when it comes to friendships.

As kids, we just wanted friends to have someone to like us. As adults, we need loyalty, someone who can help us grow, a go-getter, someone on the same page as far as goals, basically someone who matches us or is at least a step ahead knnthe direction that we’re going. If this person can’t improve my life, there’s no need for them to be there, and vice versa.

This too reigns true for romantic relationships. Forget bringing something to the table, if we both can’t be the damn table, it’s not going to work. I don’t work off of 50-50. It’s 100-100. Period.

I’ve also noticed that my reasons for old friendships still baffle me. Some people that I used to be friends with, for the life of me I can’t remember why. Do you remember why you were friends with someone you’re no longer friend with? Don’t worry, I’ll wait (not really, but you can post your response in the comments).

How has your requirements for friends changed? Do you still have some of the same friends from your childhood?

My Life

10 Things I’m Leaving Behind in 2018

Thinking back on all that 2018 has brought me, good and bad, there are some things that I want to leave behind.

  1. Letting people and there toxicity effect me. Too often do I continue to give people chances whether they be friends or family, and I have to stop that. It doesn’t matter who you are, your toxicity is no longer welcome and is not conducive to my wellbeing.
  2. Anger from past hurt. I’ve been hurt more times than I can count, and I have continued to hang on to it. The problem with that is I believe it effects my thinking, my emotions, and being an effective communicator. When someone upsets me, the first emotion I go to is anger and my reaction comes off that way. What I want to try is breathing before responding. Let the anger have a chance to come and then dissipate.
  3. Thinking that I will always fail in everything I do, that I can’t succeed. This is why I often start something and then quit. If I don’t see immediate results, what’s the point? This pertains to exercising to lose weight, eating habits, novels, my blog, youtube, past jobs, relationships. I tend to never stick with something because I’m always thinking about the little failures, which honestly could be leading up to huge success. Motherhood is the onot thing that I can’t quit, even if I feel like I may fail him at times, it’s not optional.
  4. Negative self thoughts tend to control every move I make, especially when it comes to dealing with men. It’s sad that when a man flirts with me, I don’t see him as flirting because I’m thinking, “Who would want to flirt with me?” I’m sure I’ve passed up potential future husbands over this past year and because of my negative thoughts about myself, they just moved on. I have to do better with how I view myself. Hopefully therapy will work.
  5. Feeling sorry for myself is probably the most detrimental thing to my mental and emotional health. As someone who can’t stand when a person feels sorry for themselves, I have often felt that way and it’s not okay. Why should I pity myself? I have a lot going for myself to just be sitting there wallowing in my own sorrows. Girl, good-fucking-bye. Brush the shit off and keep it moving.
  6. Keeping thoughts and emotions to myself has been so easy, but it’s just building inside me. I am going to quit that bad habit and start opening up to people when they do or say something that they shouldn’t. I too often let things slide but not anymore. I will no longer let others have control over my mental and emotional health.
  7. Laziness comes and goes depending on what the task is. I want to leave this behind because laziness in one area of my life, can trickle over into other areas and being a mom, you really don’t have time to be lazy. I’ve been lazy with my blog, publishing material that really wasn’t thought out or planned. I just posted something just to post it, and this goes for social media too. I’ve had days where I stayed in bed all day and did nothing but watch Malakhai play, when we could’ve been out and about, playing at a park or MyGym. I’ve been too lazy to record, edit and post videos, frequently telling myself I’ll do it the next day, and the next day, and the next day until finally, it doesn’t happen. Laziness, be gone.
  8. I tend to listen to a lot of ratchet music, and when I say a lot, I mean a lot. I especially listen to it in the car on my way to work, which I shouldn’t because I find ratchet music doesn’t put me in the best of moods. I also listen to it with Malakhai in the car and that will no longer happen. I’m leaving all that ratchetness, well most of it, not all, in 2018, and focus more on listening to podcasts in the car. I find that podcasts are extremely helpful. (I’ll be doing a separate post about my favorite podcasts.)
  9. Masturbating has taken a toll on me. When orgasming, you lose pieces of yourself. If you ever notice it’s like this energy washes over you and then disappears. I’ve been celibate from actual sex for 6 months and I want to be completely celibate. So, I’m leaving masturbating behind. If I give too much of myself to myself, what will I give my future husband?
  10. Finally, I’m leaving behind everything else that needs to stay in 2018. There’s so many things that I just want to leave and will be left. This month I’ll be focusing on getting rid of things in my home that no longer has value to me. I feel like holding on to things year after year is just letting the past keep its hold on you. I want to wrangle out of its grasps and move forward with my life.

What are some things you are leaving behind in 2018?

My Life

Goals for 2019

1. Buy a house

2. Stay consistent

3. Get out more

4. Stick to a $0 based budget

5. Plan in my planner for my quarterly goals

6. Lose 30 lbs

7. Pay down debt

8. Be more open to a friendship with a male

9. Execute all projects that are planned for the year

10. Work full time for myself

11. Travel at least once in or out of country

12. Work on my mental health – therapy

13. Let go of things that I can’t change

14. Save money for my emergency fund

15. Journal everyday

16. Exercise at least 3 times a week

17. Grow my mom tribe

18. Build self confidence

19. Fall deeper in love with myself

20. Be an amazing mother in all the things that I do

21. Read a book a month

My Life

Holiday Season

So today is Christmas Day and even though I’m not a celebratory person, I still get with family and enjoy their company. This will be the first holiday season for my son and my family is super excited about giving him gifts. I on the other hand, not so much.

We live in 661 sq ft and there’s barely room for us both, so lots of toys and clothes will take us to the rim. Trying to dictate (only word I can think of) on what to get him hasn’t faired well. So, I digressed.

I bought him a few things, which you can see here.

Having these next two weeks off is going to be great because I get to wake up and lay and bed with my mini each and every morning. I also get to spend time with him. I’m also going to be working my side hustle to save up money for a deep cleaning at the dentist and court fees.

How do you celebrate the holidays?

My Life

What’s Happening in 2019

The new year is upon us and already I have started working on some big things that will be executed in the new year. I am also making some life changes beginning in January. Here are a few changes and things I am working on.

  1. I will begin counseling in January. I say January because that’s when my new insurance plans becomes effective. Therapy is something that I should’ve been started, but being that I am on a financial journey, I cannot afford therapy. With the new insurance plan, I receive several free sessions per issue, and I have plenty of issues.
  2. I have a huge project that I have been working on that may premiere mid-spring. It has been a long time coming and I am super excited about it. I won’t reveal what it us yet until mid-January to early-February. Don’t want to jump the gun and it doesn’t come out when expected.
  3. I haven’t had motivation nor the energy to practice yoga, but that is a part of my life that means a lot. Yoga has always been a love of mine and since giving birth, I have let it fall by the wayside. I don’t want to become a yoga teacher or this Instagram yoga chick. I want to improve my practice and really learn to meditate.
  4. I am letting go of all negative people, including my son’s father. I don’t have time for his shit anymore. I will be doing me like I have been and rejecting all negative vibes from him. Neither I nor my son need that. 
  5. Of course I plan to continue my debt free journey and my payments begin in January for my student loans. I have been putting them off for far too long (7 years to be exact). I could kick myself. Had I stuck with paying them like I initially was, I would be student loan debt free by now. You live and you learn.
  6. Mommy meetups are a must. I am thinking of joining MyGym with Malakhai in order to meet more moms and for him to have more friends. I think that will be good for the both of us.
  7. Consistency is my biggest struggle, as well as commitment. I will strive to be more consistent with YouTube, my blog, going live on IG, and all other ventures that I am involved in when it comes to growing my entrepreneurial dream.

As of right now, that is all I have planned for 2019. In my last post of the year, it is a more in depth look at what I have coming. So be on the look out for that post on December 31.

What do you have coming up in the new year?

My Life

30 Blogs in 30 Days…Completed

I can’t believe it! I wrote and posted 30 blogs for the entire month of November!!!!! Woooohoooo!! And it sucks because I’m in bed. I took off work because I was vomiting all morning (meal prep spoiled). Clearly I need to eat meals that may spoil, earlier in the week than later.

Anyway, I can’t believe I put myself to a challenge. I have another challenge that I’m going to work on for the month of December: 31 videos in 31 days. You read that right. My plan is to record, edit and upload 31 videos for the month of December, to my YouTube channel. So that means I have to start tomorrow right? Right!

This will be a little more challenging because it requires more effort and work than writing blog posts. I can knock out and schedule blog posts like I have been (except for this one, which I am currently writing and about to publish.

Do you think I can do it? I accept this challenge and I’m going in with confidence and excitement. Let’s knock out the rest of 2018 with a bang.

My Life

I’m Back YouTube!!

I took a long (initially permanent) vacay from YouTube but now I’m back!! I’m back for several reasons but I’m only going to explain a few.

1. Editing. Shockingly, I miss editing videos in iMovie. IGTV wasn’t cutting it for me because you couldn’t really edit videos and you could only upload a video in IG story format (like the video had to be the length of the screen basically (I forget what it’s called)).

2. Length. With IGTV, you’re limited to only ten minutes. Sometimes my topics go over ten minutes and I really don’t want to make two or more videos to fully explain my topic. I’d prefer making one video, no matter how long it is.

3. Monetization. It seems shallow but it’s true. I do want the monetization feature. Though I don’t have 1,000 subscribers nor do I have 4,000 watch time minutes, I will get there. I aim for YouTube to be a side hustle turned part time gig on side of blogging. I want to be able to work from home doing something that I love.

4. I just like it. I’ve been gone for so long and you know how people say, “Absence makes the heart grow fonder?” It’s one of those type of ordeals. I’ve been away from uploading for months and now I miss it.

So, with that being said, I’m back!!

My Life, Vegan Mommy Things

Daycare

Today my son started daycare. He was supposed tos tart awhile ago, but I wasn’t ready. I never wanted him to go to daycare, but he needs social skills now that he’s getting older. He’s becoming more mobile and talkative (baby talk that is). Luckily, his daycare is owned by a friend of the family (it’s a long story but there’s much history).

My mom drops him off and picks him up since I work late and have to be at work early. I also work clear across town, so her doing that for me helps a ton.

He had a good time and I received a great report. He refused to eat his baby food, only drank the breast milk. He just doesn’t like food which is fine by me. He gets all he needs from me anyway.

Today was only the first day so I’m not exactly sire how to feel just yet. Of course, I was a nervous wreck all day, but he adjusted fairly quickly. Actually, there weren’t any adjustments for him. He took to the daycare owner very well.

How did you feel about your child(ren) attending daycare for the first time? Any tips to combat this “mommy worry?”

My Life

I’m a YouTuber

Well, kind of. I quit YouTube a while ago and it was for necessary reasons. Many of my followers are on IG and it seemed better that since IGTV came out, I’d just upload videos there. Now, I’m highly considering going back to YouTube and doing IGTV.

Youtube allows me to edit videos and upload videos longer than 10 minutes. IGTV has too many restrictions for me and sometimes I ramble for 10 minutes before I even get to the good stuff (not really, it just sounded like I should say that).

So if you haven’t subscribed to my YouTube, click on the “videos” tab in the menu. I’m thinking I’ll have a video up by the weekend or over the weekend. Maybe even the beginning of next week. Who knows?

My Life, Vegan Mommy Things

Don’t Complain if You aren’t Doing Anything to Change

It’s thanksgiving break and all I can think about ishow happy I am to be at home and not at work. The only thing I’m happy about in my life right now is being a mom to my son. 

I don’t hate my job. I love my job, but it doesn’t make me happy. I’m tired of living in this apartment, throwing money away towards something I’ll never own ($1000 a month). 

I’m not happy that I haven’t been writing another novel, or finishing one I’ve already started. It’s just maddening how quickly I’ve lost motivation to continue writing novels. My last novel was published in 2016: two years ago! I’ve started several since then, but I haven’t even made it halfway through one. 

I thought of writing a novel based on my life, but have I sat down to write it? No. 

I’m unhappy with my postpartum body, and I go back and forth between loving it and not even wanting to look in the mirror.

I think about all of these things that I’m not happy about and how I’ve not done a single thing to change my circumstances. So how can I even complain?

My point is, and I should take this advice myself, don’t complain about your circumstances and not being happy if you aren’t doing anything about them. 

Don’t be like me and say I’m going to start making changes tomorrow or the next day, or the next day. Do it today. Do what makes you happy, but first, find happiness from within.

My Life, Vegan Mommy Things

Before Work Routine

  1. Wake up @ 4:30 am.
  2. Take a shower.
  3. Brush my teeth.
  4. Get dressed.
  5. Put coconut milk on to boil for my oatmeal.
  6. Pack up everything in my wagon.
  7. Put oatmeal in the pot.
  8. Fill up gallon water bottle.
  9. Pour oatmeal and toppings in a bowl.
  10. Wake up Malakhai.
  11. Change his diaper.
  12. Lotion him up.
  13. Nurse him.
  14. Bundle him up (weather is crazy cold right now)
  15. Strap him to me in his carrier.
  16. Turn alarm off and then back on.
  17. Load the car. 
  18. Head to my mom’s house to drop off Malakhai. 
  19. Head to work.
  20. Pump before school starts.
My Life, Vegan Mommy Things

After Work Checklist

1. Pick up Khai.

2. Nurse Khai.

3. Take him home.

4. Unload everything in the wagon and bring him in the carrier.

5. Spend time with Khai (watch his fave shows, play with toys, read a bedtime story.)

6. Bathe Khai.

7. Nurse Khai to sleep.

8. Change Vick’s pad in humidifier.

9. Shower.

10. Sterilize breast pump parts and then repack in work breast pump bag.

11. Layout clothes for tomorrow.

12. Clean kitchen.

13. Clean up bedroom.

14. Eat dinner.

15. Me time (journal, yoga, read, drink tea or golden milk, budget planner, catch up on YouTube videos, watch a show on the fire stick,  meditate)

16. Say a prayer over Khai, then myself.

17. Tie hair up, wash face, brush teeth.

18. Turnoff all lights.

19. Recheck everything is ready for in the morning and turn alarm on.

20. Go to bed.

My Life

The World’s Greatest

Sometimes I sit back and think about where my life is and when I am going to get to where I want to be. I seem to not be able to appreciate where I am currently because this wasn’t what I saw when I saw my future.

So many people say, “Be grateful for where you are and what you have because not everybody can.” That sounds great, but can’t I for a second think about what I wanted my life to be like? Why is it so wrong to not be fully happy with all of the decisions I’ve made to land me where I am?

I think the only thing I’m happy about is my son. I’ve always said I wanted my first child at 30 and here I am, proof that you can speak things into existence. I knew that if I didn’t have my first child by 30, I would never have any kids. Now did I plan this, absolutely not. This wasn’t how I saw me having my first child, out of a committed relationship, but it is what it is.

My career was supposed to be me being a best-selling author or award-winning chef. Did I get either? No, but I am a self-proclaimed chef and I’m also an author. I became both of those things without the accolades and that’s okay. They will come. I’m claiming them both. I could be an award-winning chef with a best-selling recipe book next year. Don’t know what the future holds.

Definitely thought I’d have a house by now. I’m not sure why I set a timeline for things in my life, I just did and it’s crazy. I wanted all of the aforementioned before 30. I always wanted to be apart of that “30 Under 30” because it sounded cool, not realizing there were things I should’ve been doing in my early 20s to get there. The house is definitely on the horizon as soon as I get my finances straight.

Traveling has always been at the top of my list and even though I haven’t been to any of the places that I want to go, I know that I will go to these places. With hard work, dedication and severe budgeting, I will be a world traveler with my mini.

What are some things that you thought you would have or places you thought you would be by a certain age?

My Life, Vegan Mommy Things

Bitter Baby Mama

There’s this notion that all single mom’s are bitter. This stems from people assuming we are mad because we can’t be with the father of our child(ren) or we are made that they don’t want us. Speaking for me and me only, both are false.

I am in no way bitter about anything, but me wanting my son and his father to have a relationship and me being passionate about it, comes off as being bitter. I didn’t, and still don’t, have a relationship with my father and I don’t want that for my son.

I think, and don’t quote me on this, most men who are on child support, are on child support because they aren’t financially helping the mother of their child(ren) take care of their child(ren). Because women are mainly the ones giving care to the child, men don’t see how expensive it can be to do it alone. They want to say we just want to take their money or we are trying to live off of them, when that it most certainly not the case.

Can I financially take care of my child on my own? Absolutely, but that doesn’t mean I should have to, being that I didn’t get pregnant by myself.

My son is breastfed so in order for him to eat, I have to eat. I wash his clothes everyday since he has to be in cloth diapers. That’s water and electricity being used every single day. He has to bathe, right? That’s water again. Then, I have to be able to get him to my moms house and be able to get to work to afford a rough over our heads. That’s gas. He also has to have his booty wiped, his skin cleaned and conditioned, and his hair done. Then there’s toys and clothes.

See how that can get expensive? Then you have a man who doesn’t want to help financially, and thinks that all that’s important and being a good father is sololey just spending time with a child. No, dead wrong. A child needs emotional, physical, mental, and financial support.

As mothers, we want what is best for our children. We are natural born nurturers, whereas men, they just aren’t. I will spend my last dollar on my child for whatever he needs and wants, but I shouldn’t have to.

Next time you want to call the mother of your child(ren) bitter, don’t. Ask her what she needs and how you can help. Make her life easier, not harder. I can guarantee a myriad of men wouldn’t be on child support if they took the time out to sit down with the mother and laid out all expenses to see where he can contribute. All it takes is a conversation.

Now the flipside is there are many women who are bitter and vindictive towards the father, and do file child support to get back at him. What this does is make other women who file for financial reasons only, look like they’re bitter and vindictive.

Mamas, if he doesn’t want you, he doesn’t want you. Let that man and those feelings go. Worry about your child(ren) and your child(ren) only. You can’t be worrying about this man who not only doesn’t want you, but doesn’t want to be a father. Don’t battle with him. There’s a man out there who is going to love you and your child(ren) like his own. I’ve witnessed it numerous times.

What are your thoughts on the term “bitter baby mama?”

My Life, Vegan Mommy Things

“I Ain’t Ever Scared…”

Of course about 5 months ago I didn’t have this mindset. I was scared shitless. I had spent two months at my mom’s house  after having my son, and I had had so much help between my mom and my stepdad. It was then finally time for me to go home. I was petrified at the thought of it just being me and Malakhai,

I wonder if I could do everything I was doing on my own, without the safety net of having someone there 24/7. Granted, they only live five minutes away, but I would be home…alone…with my child. How could I not be scared? What if something had happened? What if I messed up? What if he didn’t like me anymore because he was so (and still very much is) attached to my mom?

As you can see, a lot was going through my head back then. Now here we are, striving and thriving. We’ve settled in to a routine, I’ve become accustomed to it not just being me, and motherhood is suiting me well might I add. We play, he naps, I clean, he messes up a diaper, he nurses, we play, I clean, and it just continues, but I must say, it’s never boring. With Malakhai, there’s never a dull moment.

Sometimes I wonder how I could I be so scared of someone so precious and small that my body knew how to create? This little human loves me, he wants to always be around me and on me. How could I be scared of him? Not only that, I love him to pieces, a love that I never knew existed until I felt him kick, and then saw his face.

I say all of this to say mamas, it gets better, easier and less terrifying. What was/is something you are/were scared of when it came/comes to your child(ren)?

My Life, Vegan Mommy Things

Bedtime with Khai

Each night, I make it my mission to ensure Khai gets an excellent night’s slumber. I give him a bath in his new tub. He’s in a big boy tub now (cue the water works). I bathe him, wash his hair, let the water out and then fill it with clean water up to his waist. I let him play with his toys and I stand back and admire how much he has grown in the past six months.

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When we’re all done, I pat him dry. His hair is so curly and silky, that I have to make sure it stays healthy, as well as his scalp. I use either mineral oil or grapeseed oil in his hair. I rake it through with my fingers and then comb small sections at a time. Next, I lotion him up and put his footie pjs on. He either sleeps in a silk bonnet or one of his hats so his pores can close.

 

Now is my favorite part: bedtime stories. He loves for me to read to him, especially The Very Hungry Caterpillar by Eric Carle. I think he likes all of the colors and my animated voices.

By story’s end, he’s sleepy. I lay him down to nurse until he falls asleep. Once he’s sound asleep, it’s me time. I tend to clean up from his bath time and clean whatever else I need to. I also spend this time writing and scheduling blogs, journaling, meditating, taking long baths, or reading. Bedtime for Khai is usually around 7 o’clock, so I start getting him ready for a bath around 6 or 6:30. During the time from when I get off work until bath time, we are playing, watching Puppy Dog Pals, or singing.

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What is your night time routine with your little one(s)?

xoxo Moniqua LaShae and Malakhai Lee

My Life

“Never give up, it’s such a wonderful life…”

Relationships end. That’s just how life goes. I feel like since I’ve turned 30, I’ve developed more of a “fuck it” attitude towards a myriad of things. Whether it be people or things, my tolerance level for “fuck shit” is nonexistent.

My life is amazing right now, and I honestly could not be happier (well, I kind of could but that’s beside the point). My son is healthy and thriving, hitting many milestones early. We’ve been spending every free moment together and there are so many more moments to come. The pumpkin patch last Saturday was absolutely joyous and it was a beautiful day outside.

I’m working on my health and the betterment of my livelihood. I’m not necessarily trying to lose weight, but I am trying to build my immune system and keep my stamina and energy up. My skin is clear and my head is even clearer when it comes to many things.

The relationship between my son’s father and I is getting better. We have actually been having civilized conversations. Are we friends? Of course not, but we are cordial for the sake of our child. That’s all that needs to happen: we have to be able to be a united front when it comes to Malakhai and his well being.

My family is stronger than ever, and I feel like the birth of my son brought us closer. As a single mom, and even as a married or in-a-relationship mom, it truly takes a village to raise children, and my village is built Ford tough (see what I did there? You’ll only get it if you live in Texas).

Work is work. I love teaching wholeheartedly, but I think it’s getting close to time to move elsewhere within the education system. I am working on some things behind the scenes that I am not quite ready to share yet, but I will soon. Sometime next year.

My bills are paid, my son is fed, there’s food in my fridge, we have clothes on our backs, and we are living life. So to those of you, and you know damn well who you are specifically, don’t try to ruin my joy with your bitterness and misery. My life is good, live yours and stay out of mine with your negativity. We are grown now and that childishness, you can miss me with that. It’s true that misery needs and loves company, but I’d rather stay to myself and be joyful and happy.

See, I’ve dealt with negativity from people for so long, from friends to even more so, family, but no longer. I have goals that I am trying to reach and anyone who knows what it’s like to be goal-oriented, knows that negative people will only bring you down and prolong reaching your success. I can see the peak of the mountain, and no one will be an obstacle on my way up. Stay at the bottom if you cannot be a positive rock in my life.

I say all this to say that, not everyone is going to be for you when it comes to your goals and being successful in whatever it is you are doing. Ctrl + Alt + del them with a quickness.

xoxo Moniqua Lashae