Over the weekend, I moved all of my furniture into storage. Things are becoming real now. Malakhai and I moved into my mom’s spare bedroom. I’m so happy because this will afford me to pay off my debts faster, save money for a house, and to have help with taking care of my son. I’m looking forward to the day that I can say, “I’m debt free!” and to the day I can say, “I bought my first home without a man. I did that.”
Independence is probably the greatest feeling to have whether it be financial independence, raising my son without the help of his father, and basically being able to do things on my own. Currently, I am welcoming the extra help of my mom and all of my family. It truly does take a village to raise a child, married or not.
I have enjoyed living on my own for the past 3 years, but for the time being, I will appreciate living with my mom because she didn’t have to let us stay with her. With Malakhai going to a new daycare, there was just no way I could afford daycare and my apartment. So, my only option was to move in with my mom, which is a win for us both. She gets to spend more time with him and I can save and pay down debts.
I think that single motherhood requires a certain kind of strength that no one else can have because they haven’t experienced it. It humbles you, creates patience and changes your mindset. Everything you do, your child has to be kept in mind first. You can’t move like you used to when you didn’t have the responsibility of another life.
In other news, I have moved on from the anger and resentment towards my son’s father. Now it is just a state of Irdgaf (I really don’t give a fuck). I’m over it. My son is my only priority and making sure that he is taken care of and wants for nothing. I have moved on from certain people who no longer serve me, and like to talk behind my back but can’t say things to my face. They’re not trustworthy. People who can’t say what they said behind your back, to your face, can’t be trusted. They’re the type who would shoot you from behind instead of having that same energy to look you in the eye.
As I am going through this transitional period, my eyes are opening to a lot of things and I am excited about the direction that I am going. I’ve welcomed new people into my life and opened my heart and mind to new things. Moving on doesn’t always have to be negative or depressing. Often times, it’s for the best. Doors have to close before new ones open, always remember that.