A while back, someone I follow on IG made a post about why men don’t take women on dates. Now he had some great points, I will admit, but it also brought up another topic that has been on my mind. In my past relationships, I have always been broke. Relationships can be expensive if it is only one person footing the bills. That person has always been me except for one relationship. I have always gone broke putting gas in a man’s car, putting gas in my car when he didn’t have one or if I ended up driving because he didn’t have gas in the car. I spent money on dates, often times paying for myself. Now I am not saying that a man should be paying for everything, but if we are in a courtship, I feel the man should be the man. I don’t think I should be the breadwinner and the one collecting and paying the bills. That’s just not how I see things.
I have always made the mistake of not seeing these broke men from a mile a way, or staying in these one-sided relationships, putting myself in even more debt. When will it be my turn to be splurged on? When will I ever hear, “Baby, I got it.”? For me, if a man can’t afford to pay all of my bills, he can’t afford me. I am not saying this to say that I am looking for someone to pay my bills, because I can do that myself, however, universe forbid, if I lost my job, I need and want that security that my King has me, that I don’t have to worry about anything. I think every woman wants that security that her man has her.
Now this all goes vice verse, I would have my man too, but I am not talking about that right now. In my courtship, relationship, marriage, what have you, I feel like the man should be the one taking care of things financially. This is not to say that I won’t be working and helping out, but I also will be taking care of home, making sure the bills are paid, cooking, cleaning, raising and schooling the kids, etc.
I know that money should not be the main focus of a relationship, but when two people come together, it needs to be talked about and discussed as far as how things will be paid. Just like sex, money is the one of the leading causes of divorce. People don’t like to talk money especially when it comes to spending it, but it is a necessary conversation. Questions need to be asked like:
Do we combine accounts?
Do we keep separate accounts?
Do we combine and have accounts on the side?
How are we going to pay the bills?
Who pays what bills?
Will we set aside money for trust funds? College? If so, do we open a joint account or one in the children’s names?
Things like that have to be discussed. My point is, if a man is not prepared to talk money in this essence, we can’t have any kind of conversation. I’m talking about if and when it gets that serious that we should be discussing money. I have been in too many relationships where I was expected to do everything monetarily as if I were the man in the relationship and the breadwinner, which often times I was. I made the stupid mistake of staying with these men even though they were causing me to go broke.
I’m not looking for someone to take care of me because I can do that myself and have been. I want someone who can take care of me when I need it most. Someone who will make me allow them to take care of me and let me know it’s okay and that I don’t have to do things alone and for myself all the time.
Please let me know your thoughts in the comments below.